The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

tea_lover

Hi choc-addict (mmm... chocolate ) welcome to the thread, always nice to see someone new, although obviously we'd all rather not be here of course!

If you have even a quick look through the thread you'll see it's perfectly natural to have mixed feelings about IVF. Yes it's some amazing science and I'm sure we're all grateful for the chance it gives us, but at the same time it's expensive and let's be honest, it isn't exactly fun! At the risk of sounding like a terrible cliche your best bet for now is probably to try and put it out of your mind for now (easier said than done I realise!) Hopefully you have a lovely Christmas planned and can enjoy yourselves, then face any treatment in the new year.

I found the decision for the first try easier in some respects as I wanted to give it a go. In our case we have endo, PCOS and severe MFI to contend with though - I think that can make IVF seem more appealing (wrong word but can't think of right one) as there are specific problems to 'fix', iyswim. I went round in circles before the second attempt and with hindsight I wish we hadn't done it.

Whatever you decide is the right decision really, there's no right or wrong answer.

Have everything crossed for a sneaky BFP before you have to decide lol xx.

pinkteapot

I can completely relate, choc-addict. The last few months before treatment I was even more desperate than usual for a BFP!

Unexplained kind of has its pros and cons (for want of a better phrase!) compared to a diagnosed medical problem. We're lucky that we can try naturally and there's a chance each month, but it does seem to make treatment more of a head-f*** as you can't help but think "Do we really need to do this? It might happen on its own!"

After three years I actually think of unexplained as "unexplained by current medical science". There must be something going on that they don't currently know about / test for - some reason it's harder for us to get knocked up than the average person!

Choc-addict

Thanks ladies! Tea - I think you're right, perhaps best to put it out of system, let it go for a bit and enjoy Christmas.

We have skiing holiday in January booked too (the one where you book earlier in the year and say well I won't go if i'm pregnant ...yeah right, as if something was magically going to happen, lol )

Pinkteapot - I actually agree. My hubby and I have this conversation often (how interesting are we?!) about how there must be something wrong that they just don't know about for it not to work!

Fingers and everything crossed for a random BFP (for all of us!)....i'm two days away from period due and symtom spotting everything even though I know that everything I am feeling is normal to a period being due.....mentalist.... :rotfl:

pinkteapot

I've been brave today, ladies. Booked our follow-up chat following the IVF BFN. I was meant to go straight after the cycle but I was a bit messed up and just didn't want to think about IVF at all!

I'm sure we're not going to do a second cycle, but I feel like I need to go to the follow-up. I will ask if they can do things differently given the side effects I had. I'm slightly scared of going because I'm worried they'll talk me into doing it again and it'll still be rubbish! But I think I'm tough enough to not be swayed unless it really sounds like it'll be different.

I'm also not ready to cut off our funding just yet. We're fortunately enough to have three NHS-funded goes and we've only used one. I've said before how guilty I feel 'wasting' the other two, but I don't think that's a good reason to go ahead. Having the follow-up booked keeps us in the system so the decision is still in our hands.

It's not till end of Jan as we wanted to be able to forget about it until after Christmas, then hubby's work will be really busy in early January. But it's actually a bit of a weight off to have it in the diary.

Again, important note to all the recent IVF newbies: the vast majority of people don't find treatment as bad as I did! I've always reacted badly to hormone-altering drugs. I know people who haven't been too bad at all during treatment, and one person who even liked it because she normally has a temper and it calmed her down! I don't want to worry anyone.

tea_lover

Yay, well done on booking the appt PTP. I really do think you'll find it helpful, if only to draw a line under that experience.

pinkteapot

That's exactly why I feel like I need to go before we make a final decision.

Primmer

PTP - hope that it helps you feel you have made the right decision whichever way you choose to go after the appointment. I did feel mine gave me closure on my decision not to try again.

Choco - I am unexplained infertility and we were not entitled to nhs funding and so we self funded one ivf treatment. Unfortunately it didn't work for us but it has been successful for others who have used this thread. I didn't find I reacted too badly to the drugs during ivf and seemed to have more side effects after the embryos had been implanted. What I did find helped me was a ivf relaxation cd which helped me cap my stresses and did make me feel more positive during the treatment.

tea_lover

Ooh yes, would definitely recommend the IVF Belief cd, really liked it.

Choc-addict

Thank you, I shall look up the CD. Anything to help!

pinkteapot

Choc - I got the CD but didn't like it. I would have preferred a non-IVF CD. I needed to forget about treatment to relax. With that one, the nice music and lady get you all relaxed, then she talks about IVF specifically. Let the drugs in your body do their thing, etc. That would bring me out of the relaxation a bit by getting me thinking about it again! I'd have preferred a general relaxation CD. But most people do like it so that may just be me.