The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

skaps

codemonkey wrote: »

Oh skaps. Big hugs. Its really difficult when another person you're going through this with gets pregnant, because even when they say they still want to hear about it, in my experience, once the pregnancy blinkers go on, they really only want to talk about that. At the moment, I have 3 friends who are at the end of their pregnancies and one who gave birth last week and its so hard. As for the being content with what you have, its really difficult and something I am still working on, even after 4 years of ttc and almost a year of knowing its not possible for us.

Its difficult because you want more. Its difficult because what you want is the most normal thing in the world and for most people, it comes so easy, just from having sex. Its difficult because there are so many people who don't deserve it getting that one thing that is all you ever wanted. And its difficult because talking about it makes people so uncomfortable, so you can't. This process is awful. It damages your relationship with your OH, it damages your relationship with your friends and it damages your relationship with yourself.

I have no advice on how to deal with it - I'm still struggling, but there are people who understand how you feel in here. I think we all struggle with the green eyed 'why not me' monster.

Thanks codemonkey. You summed it up very well.

pinkteapot

tea lover - http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showpost.php?p=66929743&postcount=45

Gelly123

An update from me....

We had our appt with the fertility specialist on Monday evening and it was very interesting. Having seen our pregnancy scan pictures, she doesn't think we have an issuing getting pregnant but it's staying pregnant. She also thinks that we probably did have another miscarriage last month and have probably had more (I put them down to "strange cycles" post miscarriages) but so early we didn't realise and thought they were just periods but because they haven't been confirmed with pregnancy tests, the NHS won't help.

Had another internal scan on Monday night to rule out PCOS but it wasn't clear one way or the other. She also took some swabs and is sending them off to check for infections and I had a blood test on Wednesday to check for:

Thrombophilia screen
Factor V Leiden
Prothrombin gene mutation

Not entirely sure what these things are but she's the clinical lead on the recent PROMISE trial into recurrent miscarriages and the use of progresterone to help try to prevent them so she knows what she's doing!

She instantly labelled us with "recurrent miscarriage" and the ball is now rolling.

Our specialist believes that we will fall pregnant again soon and when/if we do, she wants us to immediately get in touch as she'll put me on asprin and progesterone. If we haven't fallen pregnant by March, she wants me to start on Clomid but is worried as we managed triplets ourselves without any treatment so it could result in multiples again.

It's costing a small fortune but we have no choice as the NHS won't help and we don't have private medical cover so have to fund it ourselves. It might result in taking out a loan to cover the costs, depending on how expensive it gets but we will do anything to start a family of our own.

Next appt on 3rd December to see the specialist again and hopefully get some answers.

Love and best wishes to you all
Gelly
x

good_vibes

Pink- sooooo cute . makes me want to get another fur baby
Gelly- nice that your getting some where.


AFM I really do think my body hates wheat I have put it through. Chemical started nearly 2 weeks ago 7dp5dt. Bleeding stopped last Friday, still had a BFP on Sunday. Had blood test Monday hcg 24 too low for anything viable.
Started spotting yesterday evening (dark red/brown) did a IC and still got a BFP. So confused, thought it would be out of system by now. That's it my lady bits officially hate me .

bigmomma051204

** Congrats Clevernamehere **


Update from me...

Went to see the "fertility expert" last week following several appointments over the last year with gynae's who simply want to focus on the fact that I have a cyst on my only remaining ovary. Got into the appt and the very first thing he said was "So, I believe we are here to talk about removing this cyst"..... ARGHGHHHHGHH!

I cried. I explained that I am loathe to let them try and remove my cyst as I only have that ONE little ovary, and as last time I allowed a surgeon near my other ovary, they whipped it out (aged 13yrs), I am MORE than a little aprehensive to allow them access again! I also had a blood clot after an op previously and nearly popped my clogs, so having an op is rather a scary prospect for me...He did say that if they DO have to remove the ovary (ir if cyst is too wrapped around ovray) there is no reason why I couldn't still try IVF with donor eggs..... :cool:

So then he went on to say that he doesn't think they will be able to do egg retrieval as the cyst is so large (5cm) but wants to do a vaginal scan (AGAIN!) despite having already had an MRI and 2x vaginal scans in the last few months.....

The only upside (if that!) was that he obviously saw how upset I was about being messed around, and it all dragged out (the cyst is a year bigger, and i am a year older than when I went to GP in first place asking for a referral direct to fertility!) So he suggested that he wants to actually be with me when I have the v. scan - got phonecall 2 days after I saw him, actually HIM on the phone rather than secretary,letting me know that he has rearranged other appointments and wants to do it tomorrow afternoon!

So, all in all, a mixed bag really :cool: REALLY don't want a major op!

tea_lover

I think IVF has broken me since the last BFN I had two normal-ish for me cycles (34 + 37 days). Then an 80+, and am now on CD50 with no signs of AF being anywhere near.

I realise none of this actually matters as it's not like I'm going to get pg even with beautiful 28 day cycles.... just worried about it all I suppose.

emmaj30

So im am going to the clinic tomorrow for my co-ordination appointment and to get all my drugs. They want to do a scan as well when my cycle starts.. My problem is that after my miscarriage in june I decided to book a little holiday around new years eve just for five days as I was told that I would have to wait for a year to try again on the NHS. This has since been changed and its all full steam. But I have paid a lot of money for this holiday and we are doing loads of active things like hiking and dancing. and If I start my treatment mid December the dates will coincide with egg collection. I am very grateful for the NHS free goes but surely I have a say in when my treatment starts ie just 11 days later! I have been waiting for 3 years!!!!

tea_lover

emma, IME they'll be unlikely to start a cycle where EC/ET would be over Christmas or New Year. Varies by hospital of course but I've found they either want it finished by mid December or will postpone a month or so till Jan.

I'm sure it will be fine, just tell them that you'd rather start in 2015 x.

emmaj30

Tea-lover -
Thanks for your response.. I agree with that and hopefully we can start it jan 2015 x

tea_lover

Have done something stupid..... I was feeling fed up with the v long cycles, constant carb cravings and terrible skin, and then found some left-over metformin. I must have blanked out the awful side effects I had for the two years I took it previously. Took two tablets today (so silly, I never managed more than 2 even after months of building up) and now have flaming awful stomach cramps.

Think I'll be giving the gym a miss this evening, am now worried about the other side effects I remember :eek:.

Oh well, was planning on dying my hair this evening so at least I'll already be in the bathroom if it all kicks off :rotfl:.

Really hope the cramps b*gger off soon, it hurts!