The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

skaps

Hi all I'm back after going to the Bahamas for the week.

Hugs to those of you who need it and congrats to clevernamehere.

My best mate came round and told me she's pregnant. She's been on this journey with me and was ready to go to Barts when this happened. She cried when she told me think she felt bad. I'm extremely happy for her and excited. Though it won't be the same as we used to have great talks about all this ttc stuff. She wants me to talk with her still about it and I r probably will but it won't be the same. I'm glad I have you guys. I have 2 women at work pregnant and now the this friend there's 3. I feel like I'm always the 'Aunty' never the Mum. Going to baby showers and buying baby clothes for others just never for myself. Oh well I will shut up now as I'm depressing myself. I have a lovely family and husband and should be grateful with that. Why can't this be enough?

codemonkey

skaps wrote: »

Hi all I'm back after going to the Bahamas for the week.

Hugs to those of you who need it and congrats to clevernamehere.

My best mate came round and told me she's pregnant. She's been on this journey with me and was ready to go to Barts when this happened. She cried when she told me think she felt bad. I'm extremely happy for her and excited. Though it won't be the same as we used to have great talks about all this ttc stuff. She wants me to talk with her still about it and I r probably will but it won't be the same. I'm glad I have you guys. I have 2 women at work pregnant and now the this friend there's 3. I feel like I'm always the 'Aunty' never the Mum. Going to baby showers and buying baby clothes for others just never for myself. Oh well I will shut up now as I'm depressing myself. I have a lovely family and husband and should be grateful with that. Why can't this be enough?

Oh skaps. Big hugs. Its really difficult when another person you're going through this with gets pregnant, because even when they say they still want to hear about it, in my experience, once the pregnancy blinkers go on, they really only want to talk about that. At the moment, I have 3 friends who are at the end of their pregnancies and one who gave birth last week and its so hard. As for the being content with what you have, its really difficult and something I am still working on, even after 4 years of ttc and almost a year of knowing its not possible for us.

Its difficult because you want more. Its difficult because what you want is the most normal thing in the world and for most people, it comes so easy, just from having sex. Its difficult because there are so many people who don't deserve it getting that one thing that is all you ever wanted. And its difficult because talking about it makes people so uncomfortable, so you can't. This process is awful. It damages your relationship with your OH, it damages your relationship with your friends and it damages your relationship with yourself.

I have no advice on how to deal with it - I'm still struggling, but there are people who understand how you feel in here. I think we all struggle with the green eyed 'why not me' monster.

codemonkey

Afm, I'm feeling rubbish with a cold but not ill enough to stay off work iyswim? Got a sinus headache and I just want to go back to bed and watch daytime tv.

tea_lover

codemonkey wrote: »

Afm, I'm feeling rubbish with a cold but not ill enough to stay off work iyswim? Got a sinus headache and I just want to go back to bed and watch daytime tv.

I'm not even ill but that still sounds like a great plan. I don't want to be at work *stamps feet*, I want to go home and play on the xbox.

codemonkey

tea_lover wrote: »

I'm not even ill but that still sounds like a great plan. I don't want to be at work *stamps feet*, I want to go home and play on the xbox.

That sounds fantastic. I'm still waiting for a train. My usual one was cancelled and the next one is late. Reeeally just want to go home now.

How are things with you?

tea_lover

codemonkey wrote: »

That sounds fantastic. I'm still waiting for a train. My usual one was cancelled and the next one is late. Reeeally just want to go home now.

How are things with you?

Hope your train arrived! Or you thought better of it and went back home

All much the same here ta. No idea what's happening long-term. My mind is literally spinning with trying to decide whether to stay or go. I'll be 99% certain one way or the other then change my mind again. Think the financial side is going to be more difficult than I first thought too, so might not have any choice after all.

Definitely not happy with how things are though..... so just (ha!) need to sort out how to get to where I need to be.

codemonkey

Would you be able to do counselling with your OH and try to work on it or is he not open to that?

If my laptop was at home I'd just have gone home, but I need to be in today. So I'm over an hour late.

tea_lover

There's no way he'd go to counselling. Way he sees it is, he's happy with how things are (no commitment from him, but a nice house and a free housekeeper thrown in), I'm the one that's not happy so it's my problem.

Final straw may have been that he's ditching me yet again. We've got tickets for a gig in a few weeks, have been booked for months. Would've been the 3rd or 4th time we've been out together all year. One of his football mates (who he's known maybe a year) is moving away with work and his leaving do is the same night. OH obviously decided he's going to that - no conversation, no compromise, no apology, just another clear sign that I couldn't be less important to him.

codemonkey

tea_lover wrote: »

There's no way he'd go to counselling. Way he sees it is, he's happy with how things are (no commitment from him, but a nice house and a free housekeeper thrown in), I'm the one that's not happy so it's my problem.

Final straw may have been that he's ditching me yet again. We've got tickets for a gig in a few weeks, have been booked for months. Would've been the 3rd or 4th time we've been out together all year. One of his football mates (who he's known maybe a year) is moving away with work and his leaving do is the same night. OH obviously decided he's going to that - no conversation, no compromise, no apology, just another clear sign that I couldn't be less important to him.

Ah tea, I'm sorry. That is really tough and must be so frustrating. Hugs.

codemonkey

Oh good. Baby in the office. Smile pasted on.