The Trials & Tribulations of Trying to Conceive when its just not happening (12m+)

tea_lover

pinkteapot wrote: »

Oh tea. *hugs*

Are you getting any quality time together at all? Are there any hobbies you share that you could spend some time doing, can you get away (even just for a night)?

He's just totally not interested in doing anything. He does work insane hours, I appreciate that. But he can find time for football, going out with his mates, biking weekends, days off for the darts etc. Then whenever I want to do anything (anything from a holiday to literally a couple of hours together) he says he's too busy.

It's like a never-ending massive slap in the face.

picklekin

Oooh Gelly, I'm jealous, we did that a few weeks ago (although not last minute) and it really sorted me out (for a while at least!). Glad your AF has turned up and can think about moving on now.

Sorry to hear that Tea, do you still have meals/watch TV etc together or is he always out?

mrsvicx

Aw tea, that doesn't sound nice at all. Probably a stupid question, but have you tried telling him how you feel?

tea_lover

mrsvicx wrote: »

Aw tea, that doesn't sound nice at all. Probably a stupid question, but have you tried telling him how you feel?

Yeah, but nothing changes! He doesn't see it as a problem that we spend absolutely no time together so he won't do anything about it. He can't seem to understand that it's weird! Don't get me wrong, I love a bit of me-time. I lived on my own for 10 years and loved it (apart from spiders lol), I love having the house to myself for the evening, spending time with my family, seeing friends etc. I can find plenty to fill my time with, I don't need him for entertainment, and I have no problem at all with him doing his own thing... but I still think that as a couple we should be spending some time together.

Every weekend I say it would be nice to do something (anything) and I try planning things but he's always 'too busy'. It's pretty obvious that we're only together as neither of us want to lose our house. He does exactly as he pleases, it never even occurs to him to spend time with me, but he gets his dinner cooked and his washing done. Why would he change?!

He's away this weekend for the 6th time this year (various reasons - work, stag do, biking, etc). I have no problem with that at all... I like having the space in bed lol. But it is a kick in the teeth that he can find time for all that but can't spare me so much as a saturday morning a year.

Ok... rant over

pinkteapot

Stupid question, tea - have you had the talk about how his life will change if the TTC thing works out? I.e. he can't be off on jollies all the time if there's a baby at home to look after...

isla_red

Big hugs tea

gettingthereslowly

Tea, sorry you are having a rubbish time at the mo. Went through something similar back last year but it was both of us avoiding. Think we then realised that the whole TTC thing really hit us both hard. After a long chat we both realised how devastated we were to finally accept that IVF was our only route. Think keeping our distance was our way of coping just sad that it took us both such a long time to realise that we were feeling the same way! Not sure if your DH is feeling this and I may have just talked nonsense lol

AFM - Had our meeting last week. DR was shocked that it hadn't worked. Told me she had a lot of hope in it working as it all went so well. I had to dig my nail in my hand to stem the tears! Going back in two weeks to plan FET and also completed forms for round 2 if required.


Hope you are all well. Will try to catch up better soon. Really busy in work at the mo so spending every moment trying to get in front so I can have some chill time after FET.

codemonkey

Sorry I've not been around lately. Had a bit of relapse in the whole recovering from the news that I'll never have a baby. Started when my brother started hassling me about wanting a nephew and I didn't say anything then later my mum asked if she could tell him as she didn't want me to be in that position again. Then 3 of my friends announced their pregnancies at the same time as well as a few reaching the end of their pregnancies. Then I read a book where one of the main characters is holding her newborn and its snuggling into her and all I could think was "I'll never have that". Then the McDonald's advert where the guy goes out to get gherkins for his pregnant partner started to upset me and then I just got so angry at the world and sad and I can't even tell DH because he isn't well and keeps saying he's a rubbish husband and I deserve better. And yesterday I just cried and cried.

Sorry, just needed to get that out somewhere.

skaps

Big hugs codemonkey.

picklekin

Ack I'm sorry code. You might not have that, but if you don't have children there ARE good things to look forward to, you love your OH and finding that special person to spend a life with is a great blessing in my eyes, so many of my friends are still looking... Then there is the holidays in term-time, lie ins, being able to pursue hobbies etc. etc. I know this isn't what you want right NOW... but they are good things too. I know its easy for me to say these things as I still have hope, but I do try to see a life beyond TTC (I'm going to have a big house in the country and chickens and cats and be "eccentric" and also travel the world!).

I'm in agony today, I tried to do a "body pump" class, and was hideous outclassed "suitable for beginners" my ar se I nearly had to phone in sick I genuinely thought I couldn't walk....