Step-children. are they "yours"?

System

DKLS wrote: »

Yours for as long as the relationship lasts then your responsibility is over.

Yes doesn't stop you loving them though. Of course being a step parent doesn't give you any rights as to their upbringing.

DKLS

Judi wrote: »

Yes doesn't stop you loving them though. Of course being a step parent doesn't give you any rights as to their upbringing.

Agree, Zero rights and all the hassle


I wouldn't do it again.

System

I suppose you have to look at the whole package when you meet someone with kids. If you don't like the whole package then you move on.

Never been in that position though but I should imagine that's what I'd do.

amanda47

Errata wrote: »

A man who dislikes a child with LD loses the right to be treated as a man.

:T:T:T:T I couldn't agree me.

POPPYOSCAR

DKLS wrote: »

Yours for as long as the relationship lasts then your responsibility is over.

That all depends on the relationship you have with them.

I could not imagine never seeing my step-children and grandchildren again and I would always be there for them no matter what.

justme111

Errata wrote: »

A man who dislikes a child with LD loses the right to be treated as a man.

Is it comphy on a high horse ?
Sunflower , very sensible reply. Talking withouy thinking achieves just another row. If it was that simple all the issues would be sorted by a talk and we would live in heaven. I concur it looks like there are deeper issues in your marriage and the last incident was just a symptom. Shame pressures of work become more important than people and we lose perspective and hurt ones that areost precious in out lives ..your oh is under pressure , probably the best thing is to distance yourself for the time as otherwise you may either put jm under even more pressure whch is a death sentence to love or thread on eggshells which you will resent and it will i rritate him as it will rub it into his face he is in the wrong and you "mothering" him and not trusting him to behave like a responsible adult. So he may rebel and behave even worse until you snap

GBNI

Padstow wrote: »

He is not having a go at your son OP, it's you he wanted to hurt so he chose what would hurt you most.
There is much more to it. The treading on eggshells, a wall between you.

I would go with this. It never ceases to amaze me that most of the responses to relationship issues on here is to get rid of the (usually male) OH. There are TWO sides to every story and we are only getting the one.

Robisere

I am so glad that my post was taken so well and a little chastened that it brought some to tears. It was just as life happened, for me. Creating a family out of the wreckage, was a wonderful result and I will never forget how lonely I could have been without that, as I enter my 70th. decade.

As a last word, and to try to show the OP how it should be, I would just say that if I had never married my wife, I would have really liked to have known the two people who became my "non-biologicals". Both of them are great human beings and they are my mates as well as my kids.

FBaby

spamalot wrote: »

I am assuming that's a dig at me Fbaby. Thanks for that.

It wasn't a dig at you at all, I don't even remember what you posted or when!

My post was a result of the common responses provided to step-mothers when they come here about issues they face with their step-children. I am not judgemental of step-mothers as a whole, some deal very well with the situation, other don't. The issue is that whereas it seems socially accepted that step-mothers (I use SM as most common) find rightly difficult to accept their step-children in their lives and that their partner should be supporting them, it is a different outlook for step-fathers who are not only accepted to love the children as if they were their own, but also financially supported them (ie. if mother loses her job, step-father has to take over supporting them which is not the case with step-mothers).

My view is that neither have to love their step-children or treat them as their own. They have to respect the relationship they have with their parents, and accept that the parent home is their home too (as much as the other children living there). Anything additional is a bonus, something that often happens naturally with time and other circumstances.

marisco_2

Errata wrote: »

A man who dislikes a child with LD loses the right to be treated as a man.

The OP didn't state that the reason her husband has never seemed to like her son, had anything to do with the fact that the boy has learning difficulties. It may just be that they have a clash of personalities and have never been able to get past that. The way the husband is treating members of his family at this time is not right and does need to be addressed. Suggesting that such behaviour warrants for him to lose the right to be treated like a man is ridiculous, and just encourages a vicious circle of angst and upset.