Step-children. are they "yours"?

Padstow

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

That all depends on the relationship you have with them.

I could not imagine never seeing my step-children and grandchildren again and I would always be there for them no matter what.

Good for you POPPYOSCAR.

I read posts here where someone is leaving with their own child and I think, "What happens to the step children."

Us dog lovers cry at those who are shunted from pillar to post. To shunt children, well it breaks my heart.

DKLS

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

That all depends on the relationship you have with them.

I could not imagine never seeing my step-children and grandchildren again and I would always be there for them no matter what.

Suppose so, I haven't seen my step daughter since the day I moved out of the house as far as I am concerned any involvement ceased when the relationship ceased.

maman

marisco wrote: »

The OP didn't state that the reason her husband has never seemed to like her son, had anything to do with the fact that the boy has learning difficulties.

Thanks for pointing that out. while people with LD may be vulnerable it doesn't automatically make them likeable. There's all sorts.


I think the OP is right to consider the future of her relationship. Any adult who felt it was OK to pass comments like that isn't the sort I'd want to be with.


I have a DSD who's now grown up and I've brought her up since she was 8. I've cared for her and done all the right things by her but the relationship isn't quite the same as with my DD. MY DH is in exactly the same position but he seems to manage a bit better than me although I can see he's uncomfortable if I criticise 'his' DD at all so I try to steer clear of that subject and keep my own counsel.


What did worry me a little was that OP seemed to be checking more than once with her DS whether he'd heard any of the comments. I'd leave well alone with the boy.

Padstow

DKLS wrote: »

Suppose so, I haven't seen my step daughter since the day I moved out of the house as far as I am concerned any involvement ceased when the relationship ceased.

That is very sad. The girl may be so in need of some motherly comfort and you have turned your back on her?
How can you sleep at night?

Padstow

DKLS wrote: »

Suppose so, I haven't seen my step daughter since the day I moved out of the house as far as I am concerned any involvement ceased when the relationship ceased.

It breaks my heart. Something from your post says you wish more also.

DKLS

Padstow wrote: »

That is very sad. The girl may be so in need of some motherly comfort and you have turned your back on her?
How can you sleep at night?

No its not sad, its was a massive weight off my shoulders.


She has a mother and a biological father (well I assume she is still alive I haven't heard a thing for about 8 years)


I sleep very well thanks.

Hanky_Panky

DKLS wrote: »

No its not sad, its was a massive weight off my shoulders.


She has a mother and a biological father (well I assume she is still alive I haven't heard a thing for about 8 years)


I sleep very well thanks.

The day my step daughter moved out I felt like throwing a party.

I'd happily supported her for 14 years whilst her natural father hadn't paid a penny (and gloated about 'getting away with it' and been prosecuted for assaulting me and my wife) and she'd still treated those she lived with including her own mother and half brother and sister like dirt.

Happy to be rid of her. The whole house is a much nicer place. We all sleep much better

Sometimes it doesn't matter how much effort you make if they're a horrible person then they're horrible, step child or natural.

maman

Hanky_Panky wrote: »

The day my step daughter moved out I felt like throwing a party.

I'd happily supported her for 14 years whilst her natural father hadn't paid a penny (and gloated about 'getting away with it' and been prosecuted for assaulting me and my wife) and she'd still treated those she lived with including her own mother and half brother and sister like dirt.

Happy to be rid of her. The whole house is a much nicer place. We all sleep much better

Sometimes it doesn't matter how much effort you make if they're a horrible person then they're horrible, step child or natural.

Ironically, I'd had the opposite experience but it still feels like a kick in the teeth.


MY DSD is a very nice person, too nice for her own good. When she'd left home and got her own place her birth mother moved in with her. She'd just been widowed (in her 50s) by her third husband. DSD felt sorry for her even though there's been virtually no contact and definitely no financial support for 30 years she felt she should support her at her time of need. Several years on she's still there and so DH and I feel excluded. It's our choice not to visit when she's there so we have to wait for occasional invitations.


So although it can turn out all different ways, being a step-parent definitely isn't easy!

DKLS

Hanky_Panky wrote: »

The day my step daughter moved out I felt like throwing a party.

I'd happily supported her for 14 years whilst her natural father hadn't paid a penny (and gloated about 'getting away with it' and been prosecuted for assaulting me and my wife) and she'd still treated those she lived with including her own mother and half brother and sister like dirt.

Happy to be rid of her. The whole house is a much nicer place. We all sleep much better

Sometimes it doesn't matter how much effort you make if they're a horrible person then they're horrible, step child or natural.

Great to hear a similar perspective, literally I never looked back when I left, the child was lovely as a child but hideous as a teenager so not missed in the slightest.

tatabubbly

People jumping on the horse about the step dad not liking the son need to take a step back. My brother has AS as well and as his sister, I love him to death but sometimes he is very very hard to get on with.. Please take this in mind about the man, maybe something was boiling up and lead him to this outburst??

As for step-parents.. Well, I'm a step kid, and me and my 4 other siblings have different relationships with my mums partner. The younger 2 see him as dad and the rest of us are lost in this awkward, we know your not our dad boat.

Me personally? I hate the guy. Simply. Never ever said it to my mum though as she is happy with him. I think he's taking her for a total mug. But their relationship isn't any of my business, so I stay out of it. I live abroad so I'm nice to him when I get home and all that so I'm sure my mum doesn't know the difference.

A step parent relationship is hard on both sides. I don't love him as a dad but I'm sure my mum would love me to. And I'm sure he has the same indifference to me.