Step-children. are they "yours"?

sunflower_2

Mr sunflower and myself have 2 children (girl & boy) together and I have a Son from a previous marriage.

yesterday he said he was seen a lovely gift for "the boy".
I automatically asked "which one?"

he got really angry shouting that he only has ONE son. that the eldest has his own useless Dad etc. etc.
i asked him to keep his voice down as the eldest could hear, he said he wasnt bothered in the slightest at this, because there is only one boy in this house with his blood.

i do not think that, as a mother, i can accept this behaviour?
i can recall a few years ago he advised someone he had 3 children - so i do not know what has changed in his head.

i suppose what i am asking here is - is what he is saying wrong?
we are married so legally he is his step-son?

tea_lover

Poor kid

quidsy

Is he prone to agressive outbursts over minor things generally?

Person_one

How awful, what a terrible way to behave.

I think you need to find out if your son heard, if you haven't already, and chat to him about his relationship with his step dad.

sunflower_2

quidsy wrote: »

Is he prone to agressive outbursts over minor things generally?

to be honest i have been walking on eggshells for a while he is like jekyll and hyde.
it is very rare for him to be "so" aggressive tho.

he is very stressed with work but i do not see how I can allow my son to be treat in this way, makes me so sad inside

katiejones

My husband and I have 5 children - Two are his , one is mine , two we had together. But they are all ours - have been since day one xxx

sunflower_2

Person_one wrote: »

How awful, what a terrible way to behave.

I think you need to find out if your son heard, if you haven't already, and chat to him about his relationship with his step dad.

thanks person-one. my eldest son says he didnt hear anything (he is 17 and listens to loud music via headphones so this is possible)
but the point is i told hubby that son would be able to hear and he didnt care, if anything started getting louder and more abusive.

GobbledyGook

I think for step parents it's acceptable for there to be a difference in feelings towards their biological children.

It's not acceptable for that difference to be obvious to the children.

The fact he does't have the same feeling for the two boys wouldn't bother me too much, but the fact he has such a disregard for his step-son's feelings would bother me massively.

BitterAndTwisted

He's an @rsehole. I'd try to forget that outburst but I would never, ever forgive once I'd seen his true colours.

quidsy

He seems to have some built up resentment towards your first son, I would forget about eggshells & tell him in no uncertain terms that his actions were unacceptable & what his problem is.

Up to you but generally how is the relationship between your oh & eldest son?

If my sons bio dad even spoke like that about ds I would probably seriously consider kicking him out, let alone a step.

LilElvis

Sunflower,

Words fail me. Your husband's response that he only had one son was bad enough, but to compound it further with his other comments, knowing that your eldest could hear, is disgusting.

Genetics aren't what make a family, love is. My daughter is not genetically related to me as she was born as the result of egg donation, but she is every bit as much my daughter as she is her father's.

I hope your husband has apologised to you and, more importantly, his son for this outburst. If he has any 'issues' with your son's father then that is the person he should vent his ire on, not an innocent boy.

In my view your husband has an awful lot of explaining, apologising and making up to do.