Step-children. are they "yours"?

Domayne

I'm sorry but your husband sounds like a !!!
My dad isn't my real dad but he's the only one I've ever known since I was 5/6 (I'm 29 now)
He has a daughter from a previous relationship and to me, she is my sister, to my mum thats her daughter, my sisters daughter is her granddaughter. ..you don't have to have the same blood to be family and really, if id have ever heard my stepdad say that I would have felt completely devastated and not apart of any family since my own dad didn't want to know. I really hope your son didn't hear these comments

Tenyearstogo

I have two boys, one with my ex, one with my husband. If my husband ever spoke like that he would gone.

I don't expect my husband to feel the same about my children but I would expect him to treat them equally and care for them equally.

pops5588

It depends.

Working on extremely limited context here, which is crucial with these situations. You haven't said if your OH raised your son. Is his biological father still on the scene?

If he is, then absolutely no! His step son is not his!!!! It so infuriates me when I see people encouraging their kids to forge an equally parental relationship with their step parents in this scenario. Your husband's behaviour is still cruel, unnecessary and unacceptable but that child isn't his. Poor kid.

If your son's biological father is not around and your husband raised him then I would say your husband's behaviour is beyond shambolic and in this scenario I would be half-way out the door.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I introduce her as Lovely Fella's Little Girl or by her name. She has a mummy of her own I would never dream of pushing out.

But they all get called 'the kids' or by their names.


And, to LF's little girl, she might not be 'mine' - but, if somebody asks 'go and ask mummy', she answers 'oh, that's not my mummy, I'm here with My Daddy and My Jojo'.



OP's partner has committed a Sackable Offence, IMO.

ttc39

I have two step children and I love them as my own although as their mum likes to often remind me - they are not mine ... X

pops5588

ttc39 wrote: »

I have two step children and I love them as my own although as their mum likes to often remind me - they are not mine ... X

She's right! They're not! Seriously people, there is absolutely nothing wrong with establishing a happy, healthy, UNIQUE relationship with your step-kids. If anything it's encouraged. But as long as their biological parents are on the scene you are NOT their mother/father just because you married into the family!!

Mojisola

sunflower wrote: »

Mr sunflower and myself have 2 children (girl & boy) together and I have a Son from a previous marriage.

yesterday he said he was seen a lovely gift for "the boy".
I automatically asked "which one?"

he got really angry shouting that he only has ONE son. that the eldest has his own useless Dad etc. etc.

i asked him to keep his voice down as the eldest could hear, he said he wasnt bothered in the slightest at this, because there is only one boy in this house with his blood.

pops5588 wrote: »

Seriously people, there is absolutely nothing wrong with establishing a happy, healthy, UNIQUE relationship with your step-kids. If anything it's encouraged.

But as long as their biological parents are on the scene you are NOT their mother/father just because you married into the family!!

But he said "the boy", not "my son" and there are two boys living in the house.

Even if the OP's son doesn't have his blood, they are living as a family and the house is his step-son's home.

Ballabriggs

pops5588 wrote: »

She's right! They're not! Seriously people, there is absolutely nothing wrong with establishing a happy, healthy, UNIQUE relationship with your step-kids. If anything it's encouraged. But as long as their biological parents are on the scene you are NOT their mother/father just because you married into the family!!

I absolutely agree with this. I think this is where a lot of step parent relationships go wrong in that there is the pressure to view the step child as your own, which they are not unless you raise them from birth. If they have a mum and dad already on the scene then trying to emulate one of those existing relationships is asking for trouble. As pops says the step parent needs to form an alternative bond with the child, one that is unique from the parent/child one. Yes all members living under the same roof must have respect for each other but trying to shoe horn people into an automatic conventional family set up doesn't always work.

I still think that there is more going on underneath and perhaps the OP doesn't know the whole story. The OH may have just had a moment of frustration and behaved badly in reaction to an underlying issue.

I also think that given the OP and her OH have two children together, any advice to just get out of the relationship over this issue is misguided and knee jerk. There are others to think about as well, or you just end up with another broken home. How about something novel like sitting down and talking it out rather than heading out the door as the first option??? What happened to working at a relationship??

ska_lover

I bet your poor heart broke for your son, after your OH outburst

You need to speak to your OH about this. This is not acceptable and if it carries on your son will be driven out of the house- and start looking for the quickest route to moving out that he can

sassyblue

sunflower wrote: »

to be honest i have been walking on eggshells for a while he is like jekyll and hyde.
it is very rare for him to be "so" aggressive tho.

he is very stressed with work but i do not see how I can allow my son to be treat in this way, makes me so sad inside

Well firstly you shouldn't be treading on eggshells.... DH needs telling his behaviour and outbursts are unacceptable and if it happens again he'll be out the door.

If my kids had a stepdad who spoke about them like that he'd be an ex...