Asking for money instead of gifts?

DaisyFlower

bazzyb wrote: »

Agreed. It's vulgar to include a gift list with a wedding invitation, and a note asking for money is even worse in my opinion. You may as well not bother with the invites and sell tickets instead as that is what it equates to.

I totally agree. It would be more honest to ask for an entry fee which is what it equates too.

I have turned down invites that come with requests for cash or those stupid poems as it feels like I am only being invited for the donation i have to give.

A discreet wedding present list thats only available on request I dont mind. Openly asking for items is vulgar and grabby and if you need your guests to pay for the wedding or honeymoon then either scale back on your expectations or save for longer.

krustylouise

DaisyFlower wrote: »

I totally agree. It would be more honest to ask for an entry fee which is what it equates too.

I have turned down invites that come with requests for cash or those stupid poems as it feels like I am only being invited for the donation i have to give.

A discreet wedding present list thats only available on request I dont mind. Openly asking for items is vulgar and grabby and if you need your guests to pay for the wedding or honeymoon then either scale back on your expectations or save for longer.

Sorry but I disagree. If people feel that they are close enough to invite you to their wedding, I think it's utterly awful that you turn down the invite purely for monetary reasons. Personally from a bride point of view, if people WANT to buy us gifts we would rather their hard earned money went to something we would either get use of {as afterall that would be their intention} then I don't see anything wrong with suggesting how the money be better spent. As a guest point of view if I spent £30-£100 on someone I would rather they got something they truly appreciated than something like a gastly bowl that gets put into the charity shop or sold on for 1/3 of its value.

Obviously each to their own....

Sazzarella

I agree with Louise and would also like to point out that it's not hard and fast rule, you will not be refused entry with no gift. It is a suggestion.

krustylouise

I have never once asked for anything in way of gifts for our wedding. In fact the idea of even accepting gifts is {to me} highly embarrassing. We're getting married on a Friday and i even feel guilty requesting people attend when they may have to take time off work, let alone dictating what they buy us. BUT if my lovely family and friends want to spend their money I'd sooner it went to something we really wanted/needed and would be appreciated. But if people didn't want to give us anything I would be more than happy with them celebrating the day with us, that above anything else, is what matters to me.

snow_ball

Check out no.40 of Martins '50 Cheap Wedding Tips'...

"Don't be afraid to ask for cash

Wedding gifts aren’t just a pleasant way of wishing a new couple a great life together. Historically, they’re there as a form of social banking. So before you decide what to ask for on the big day, here's what Martin has to say:

It’s worth understanding the function this ceremonial gift exchange performs.

Far too many think of wedding gifts as an added extra, yet financially it needs to play a core part in your plans. You’re likely to be shelling out a serious sum of cash for your wedding, but lots of people are willing to effectively pay you back in return for going to the ceremony.

Of course, etiquette rightly suggests no one should ‘ask for gifts’. So what we’re really talking about here is whether you can express a preference for cash over presents for those who want to give.

Gift giving is a form of social banking

Older generations would give gifts or money to younger ones to help them start off in life before they'd had time to build their own finances.

Then once that couple grew older they effectively gave back to the same community when they attended weddings of younger couples by giving them gifts. Thus the money moves in a circular way and is targeted at those who need it most.

Yet in recent years things have changed radically, many couples already live together when they get married and have much of what is needed in their homes - whether it's toasters, kettles or silverware. In fact, perversely, the biggest cost of getting married for many couples isn't setting up home, but the wedding day itself.

Therefore don't be afraid to ask for cash on your wedding day. It's part of what the original ceremony was all about; if you're shelling out, this is likely to be the most efficient way for you to receive the cash back."

heartbreak_star

I've never really had a problem with giving cash, as so many people live together before they marry.

In fact, I'm going to a wedding reception in May and it states on the invite..."We appreciate your company above all else and as we have lived together for some time, we do not require any gifts to begin our married life together. If you wish to give us a gift, we would appreciate donations to our honeymoon pot, but please do not feel obliged."

I thought that was quite polite. Me, OH and Mum are all going to chuck in a tenner, I'm going to fashion them into a bow and attach them to a bottle of cava or prosecco

HBS x

bazzyb

heartbreak_star wrote: »

In fact, I'm going to a wedding reception in May and it states on the invite..."We appreciate your company above all else and as we have lived together for some time, we do not require any gifts to begin our married life together. If you wish to give us a gift, we would appreciate donations to our honeymoon pot, but please do not feel obliged."

I thought that was quite polite.

I think it sounds downright rude. Each to their own.

krustylouise

bazzyb wrote: »

I think it sounds downright rude. Each to their own.

Would you personally go empty handed to a wedding? If the answer is yes, then fair enough. If the answer is no, then wouldn't you prefer your "gift" to be truly appreciated? Something they would really get use of? I'm sure everyone would. So what is the issue of requesting money? Presumably if you're going to take a gift anyway you're spending money anyway. So instead of buying the gift, give the money?! No one has said "you must give us money" it is never assumed {well atleast I hope not!} that every guests is taking a gift, so what is rude about it?

bazzyb

krustylouise wrote: »

Would you personally go empty handed to a wedding?

No I wouldn't. I would take a gift of some sort, or put cash in a card, because I wanted to - NOT because it had been demanded and I felt obliged to take something.

krustylouise

bazzyb wrote: »

No I wouldn't. I would take a gift of some sort, or put cash in a card, because I wanted to - NOT because it had been demanded and I felt obliged to take something.

who on this thread mentioned anything about demanding money? No one.