Asking for money instead of gifts?

mountainofdebt

If someone said they wanted cash instead of gifts as their wedding was costing an arm and a leg, then my response would be should have cut your cloth accoridngly then - same for honeymoon 'donations'.

Personally I would prefer not to be asked but be left to do the asking if that makes sense

split_second

I find it astonishing any of you would attend a wedding and not be prepared to give a gift

Maybe this site should be renamed tightfisted expert or meanspirited expert

Even if i cannot afford to attend a wedding i am invited to i still would either buy the couple something off the list or send money

split_second

mountainofdebt wrote: »

If someone said they wanted cash instead of gifts as their wedding was costing an arm and a leg, then my response would be should have cut your cloth accoridngly then - same for honeymoon 'donations'.

Personally I would prefer not to be asked but be left to do the asking if that makes sense

Depends what they call an arm and a leg, just the church service here is £500 without flowers or outfits or rings etc, i wouldnt call that cheap.

Torry_Quine

split_second wrote: »

I find it astonishing any of you would attend a wedding and not be prepared to give a gift

Maybe this site should be renamed tightfisted expert or meanspirited expert

Even if i cannot afford to attend a wedding i am invited to i still would either buy the couple something off the list or send money

People here are objecting to requests being included with the invitation which to some is rude and vulgar. Unless someone asks what you would prefer then you should say nothing and be grateful.

Yes I have gone to a wedding without a gift and there can be very good reasons such as finances and the couple were gracious and understanding.

Jobseeeker

split_second wrote: »

I find it astonishing any of you would attend a wedding and not be prepared to give a gift

Maybe this site should be renamed tightfisted expert or meanspirited expert

Even if i cannot afford to attend a wedding i am invited to i still would either buy the couple something off the list or send money

??This thread is about whether or not its rude to ask for cash on an invitation. No-one suggested they were attending a wedding and not giving a gift

tillyenna

I was always under the understanding that putting ANYTHING about gifts in the invitation was rude, money or not, - all we are doing is putting 'for further information visit our website' and are having gift information on our website, but the word 'gift' would not appear anywhere on the invitation. Also the poems do make me a little bit nauseous.

Tashatutuw

I think this is a difficult one - all of the weddings I have been to have had information included with the invitation regarding cash gift (poems) or registration information for gift lists. I did not think this was rude, vulgar or assuming. I have done a gift list as we are renovating our home so some new things are very useful, the prices range from £5 to £130. I have put this information about this on our 'additional information' cards to be included with the invitation, I have also put a bit on there about cash being welcomed towards the renovation of our home.

I have asked a few friends about this today following reading this post and they agree that putting these requests in are fine. I will do this and I know my friends and my family will not mind on bit.

OP its entirely up to YOU - if you think your friends and family will be happy and receptive to this request then great, if you think some might be a bit upset with it then follow advice given here and mention it if and when asked (and pray that you don't get 20 silver picture frames and a dozen vases).

minerva_windsong

I personally feel very uncomfortable asking for anything as a present - even when people ask me what I'd like for my birthday or Christmas - and so we won't be putting anything in with our invites.

However, if people then ask what we would like we'll point them towards our gift lists. I say lists because we're having two - a honeymoon experience one where people can buy us tickets to a show, a nice dinner out somewhere etc (though I should add we are paying for our hotel, flights & spending money ourselves and these are just nice extras), and a smaller list with a few house bits as I know some of our older relatives in particular will want to get us a physical item as our present.

That said, I wouldn't be offended if I got a note in the card saying 'we have everything we need for our house but if you want to get us a present then we'd like money'. It is entirely personal choice and I would much rather give people what they wanted than buy something random that they might not want or needed.

itsmethatswho

I hate the idea of asking for any kind of present, I would be happy for people to give nothing at my wedding, just having them there and a card is enough. However, it has never offended me to see a request for money or a gift list inside an invitation, though it is a little expectant!

weebit

Hi all,

I really wasn't expecting such a passionate response from people! It's been interesting reading everyone's answers. It has really shocked me just how some people feel about even being given a gift list. When it comes to weddings, it's sort of a given that the you give a present to the couple, surely? I always have given presents to anyone whose wedding i've attended and i wouldn't expect anyone to say they didn't want anything.

To clarify, although the ultimate factor as to why we're going to ask for money instead of presents is because the wedding is costing more than we anticipated, the other main factor is that any gifts we would be given would be surplus to requirements and would simply be replacements or upgrades to things we already own, which ultimately sounds pointless to me.

After reading all your responses, it has made me re-think how we go about it. It was never my intention to simply state "give us money, not presents", but it would be phrased in such a way as to lighten it a bit, but also to mention that its not expected and we won't hold it against anyone who doesn't give a gift. afterall, the reason we're having a wedding reception is to celebrate our love for each other alongside our friends and family.

This thread has really given me something to think about.