Asking for money instead of gifts?

claire16c

fabforty wrote: »

I don't really understand the argument about giving cash instead of buying gifts that are not wanted - surely that's the point of a wedding present list. If you have everything that you need, then no need for a gift list. But if there are things that you need, then you specify those things on the list. .

You cant exactly have a list that says 'mortgage deposit' 'baby savings' 'honeymoon' though can you?

Wedding present lists are only good for household stuff.

duchy

ellesbellesxxx wrote: »

but my personal opinion is that I would rather get someone something they really want to help set them up for their married lives together.

I think that's the point though -a gift for their life together becomes a little less relevant if you know the money is been used to pay for the wedding itself as the OP states his would be. Also if the couple have lived together for years they'll have most things they need anyway . I know I gift more generously to a couple genuinely starting their lives together than to a couple who have lived together for years and have finally got around to marriage .

tatabubbly

Duchy, where would you draw the line at a few years? Me and my OH have lived together for 3 years, together for 6 and getting married next year. To us, this is starting our lives together?

I think it is a bit crass of ask for money for your gift. Me and my OH are living abroad atm, so I would like a few nice gifts but we are planning to buy our first house together next year so if people ask me, I will tell them that, but I certainly wouldn't demand cash..

FBaby

We told guests that we didn't want anything, but most wanted to and we got a number of vouchers and quite a bit of cash anyway. A few took it to our word and that was absolutely fine. I like the idea of people being free to do whatever they wanted to do whether then feeling obliged.

We attended a posh wedding a few months later and were quite shocked when the invite specified in a supposed poem that they wanted cash. We found it of very bad taste, especially when they picked the most expensive venue in town in the first place. As a result, we ended up giving the minimum we felt acceptable and would probably have given more had nothing been expected.

rosie-lee

I really enjoy giving people gifts, be it money or an item.

I do not like being 'asked' for gifts or being 'requested' to give money.

To be honest I find myself more generous with the former & give less, rather begrudgingly, when asked.

Moomin21

I feel really bad after reading this..we've asked for money on our invites and didnt think it would be seen as bad but now I feel guilty!! I phrased it in a way of 'please dont feel you need to but money would be the best thing as we want to buy a new kitchen but all we want is your company at the wedding'...it was written better than that but you get the gist, i hope i havent offended anybody

I guess i thought it would be ok as we're in the stge of life where all our friends are getting married and we've been to about 8 weddings in the past couple of years and they have all asked for money...I'm wondering if its more common nowadays as gift lists for homey stuff arent needed? not sure!

tillyenna

We are doing a gift list (as moving from a tiny flat to a proper house for when we are married) but I had thought to put on the website 'if you don't like any of the things on our gift list, but would still like to give something we are saving up for a house deposit! Please let one of us know and we can give you bank details etc' - I hadn't thought it's particularly cheeky, as if people don't WANT to give anything, then they won't; even if someone outright has NO gift list, and they ask for only money, um, you don't HAVE to.

redfragglebiker

WOW! Can't believe some of the negative responses on here. I don't think asking for money is wrong if done in the right way. We're getting married next year and I'm already getting requests for present lists etc when we don't really NEED anything except some cash to help us do up the house. The poem I have found places a MASSIVe emphasis that all we really want is for them to come and spend the day with us and celebrate the new chapter of our lives together. it finishes off by saying that if they really WANT to get us something to commemorate the day then cash is preferable over a gift due to the fact we already have all the physical items we need.

Torry_Quine

Moomin21 wrote: »

I feel really bad after reading this..we've asked for money on our invites and didnt think it would be seen as bad but now I feel guilty!! I phrased it in a way of 'please dont feel you need to but money would be the best thing as we want to buy a new kitchen but all we want is your company at the wedding'...it was written better than that but you get the gist, i hope i havent offended anybody

I guess i thought it would be ok as we're in the stge of life where all our friends are getting married and we've been to about 8 weddings in the past couple of years and they have all asked for money...I'm wondering if its more common nowadays as gift lists for homey stuff arent needed? not sure!

tillyenna wrote: »

We are doing a gift list (as moving from a tiny flat to a proper house for when we are married) but I had thought to put on the website 'if you don't like any of the things on our gift list, but would still like to give something we are saving up for a house deposit! Please let one of us know and we can give you bank details etc' - I hadn't thought it's particularly cheeky, as if people don't WANT to give anything, then they won't; even if someone outright has NO gift list, and they ask for only money, um, you don't HAVE to.

redfragglebiker wrote: »

WOW! Can't believe some of the negative responses on here. I don't think asking for money is wrong if done in the right way. We're getting married next year and I'm already getting requests for present lists etc when we don't really NEED anything except some cash to help us do up the house. The poem I have found places a MASSIVe emphasis that all we really want is for them to come and spend the day with us and celebrate the new chapter of our lives together. it finishes off by saying that if they really WANT to get us something to commemorate the day then cash is preferable over a gift due to the fact we already have all the physical items we need.

To answer you all I think any request in with the inviation is rude. If someone asks what you would like then it's acceptable then to ask for money.

Islandmaid

We,re getting married end of August, we,re older (in our 40's) and have everything we need, so on our invites we have put 'we want your presence not your presents - we were surpised when friends said they would like to give us something, so we,ve said that we,d enjoy some wine if they feel they wanted to. The theory is that they don,t then have to spend alot, and we will have a few bottles to share with friends in the future.

Etiquete is difficult, but my suggestion would be maybe ask for vouchers towards something larger that you,d like to buy - its all down to individual choice