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Asking for money instead of gifts?
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Its not accepable to ask for money on a wedding invitation, if you don't register or do a charity thing people will assume you want cash/vouchers. Its also OK to specify if someone asks you directly. I have had an invitation once asking for money and a lot of my friends were horrified.0
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redfragglebiker wrote: »WOW! Can't believe some of the negative responses on here. I don't think asking for money is wrong if done in the right way.
Putting any kind of request in with the invite is never "the right way".0 -
Asking for money does not bother me, I would rather give money as a gift than waste my money on something someone doesn't want. Also it's less hassle for me! However a very lot of people feel it is outrageous to be asked so maybe. I am to laid back!
One wedding I went to put a note in to say that they had all they needed but if you would like to give something they would like cash to pay for trips and excursions on their honeymoon. Better worded than that though.
Another wedding sent a little poem in with the invite.
The third was moving to overseas 2 weeks after the wedding, so although they didn't say anything the Mother of The bride ensured that everyone knew cash would be best as shipping presents within there move would be costly!
If it was me I would not say anything, I would hope/thunk that my lack of wedding list would nudge people in the direction of cash!!If my posts have random wrong words, please blame the damn autocorrect not me0 -
We want cash rather than a wedding list full of things we don't want, I especially am funny about gifts, I will make use of something even if its not to my tastes out of a sort of guilt.
Vast majority are either family or close friends, family have already started asking my parents and they have said money as we plan on getting a new kitchen.
If people don't want to give anything thats fine, we personally feel wedding lists are vulgar but thats just us, would be better if traditional was give a gift of money to the couple and no explanation needed, any other culture would just deal with itWho remembers when X Factor was just Roman suncream?0 -
I guess i thought it would be ok as we're in the stge of life where all our friends are getting married and we've been to about 8 weddings in the past couple of years and they have all asked for money...I'm wondering if its more common nowadays as gift lists for homey stuff arent needed? not sure!
If it is the done thing within your friends, then I don't think it is so bad. Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with the concept of rather receiving cash than unwanted presents, it is the expected part of it that gets to me, which inevitably is the message that goes with putting a reference to it in the invite however well worded it is.
Saying that, you do have to be prepared to get things you don't want otherwise. I don't drink any alcohol at all as I hate the taste of it, so not sure what to do with the 15 bottles of champagne we received (as hubby is not allowed to drink them all!)0 -
tatabubbly wrote: »Duchy, where would you draw the line at a few years? Me and my OH have lived together for 3 years, together for 6 and getting married next year. To us, this is starting our lives together?
I think it is a bit crass of ask for money for your gift. Me and my OH are living abroad atm, so I would like a few nice gifts but we are planning to buy our first house together next year so if people ask me, I will tell them that, but I certainly wouldn't demand cash..
I don't think there is a set number of years. It's more to do with what the couple have already. There's various stages of when you are building your home environment or simply upgrading it. I'd be more generous with those still building than to those who already had everything and just wanted nicer. A couple getting married and buying their first home or moving from rented to mortgage are going to have different and greater needs than a couple who bought their home three or four years ago and have spent that time "nest building".
Anyone who puts a twee poem asking for money in with the invite gets the most hideous vase I can find for sheer crassness regardless thoughI Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
split_second wrote: »We want cash rather than a wedding list full of things we don't want, I especially am funny about gifts, I will make use of something even if its not to my tastes out of a sort of guilt.
Vast majority are either family or close friends, family have already started asking my parents and they have said money as we plan on getting a new kitchen.
If people don't want to give anything thats fine, we personally feel wedding lists are vulgar but thats just us, would be better if traditional was give a gift of money to the couple and no explanation needed, any other culture would just deal with it
It's a minefield isn't it ......to ask for money is vulgar, to provide a giftlist is vulgar ...... I do think in the absence of a list people will generally give money or vouchers anyway so there really is no need to ask. Some people feel giving money is vulgar anyway though so will always give a gift. I got married over twenty years ago -one of the few presents still in regular use is a Harrod's silver dish given by the wife of my then husband's managing director -who later told me it was her standard present for people whose homes she didn't know so didn't know their taste...... I guess she chose well !I Would Rather Climb A Mountain Than Crawl Into A Hole
MSE Florida wedding .....no problem0 -
tatabubbly wrote: »Duchy, where would you draw the line at a few years? Me and my OH have lived together for 3 years, together for 6 and getting married next year. To us, this is starting our lives together?
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I think I class the 'starting our lives together' as when me and hubby moved in together. We'd been together 6 years and then moved in together for 2 years before we got married (his choice not mine..) so I would definitely say it was when we moved in.Forty and fabulous, well that's what my cards say....0 -
I felt uncomfortable asking for money as a wedding present and with putting something like that in our wedding invitations. As lots of other people find though, we are fortunate enough to have all the basics already. So, we decided to ask for vouchers, as we felt slightly more comfortable with that.
We chose to ask for B&Q vouchers, as we're saving to do a lot of work to our house and felt it was an alternative take on "helping a couple start off their new home together". B&Q do have a "wedding list" function on their website!
I chose not to put anything about gifts in our wedding invites. I kept the information in the invites to an absolute minimum, name of the Church, date, time etc. and included a postscript with our wedding website address on it. The website had maps, taxis firm details, places to stay and information about gifts.0 -
I once attended a friend's cultural wedding celebration thingy, and in the invite she put "No boxed gifts, please". At the time, I was taken aback by this and thought it was a bit rude in a way. But I soon understood their viewpoint.
Maybe you could include that phrase on your invite. (In your original post, you mentioned your mind's gone blank.):EasterBun0
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