husband problems!!!

sadandlonely

thorsoak wrote: »

Of course you are feeling crappy again - you must be grieving over the fact that your dreams have gone - you thought that you would be able to change him, that you would live happily ever after as a happy little family unit - and it's not going to happen

But in your heart, you know that you and our two little ones will have a far happier, steadier, secure life without him - and you will be able to leave the children's money boxes around, you won't have to carry your handbag to the loo - you are doiing the right thing.

And you will feel better soon - read Teawithmilk's thread - or Tayforth's threads - other women have gone along the same road as you - and are almost at the end of the trail now - good luck x

I will search for theirs now soon as youngest ds goes down for his nap.

Thank you, what you said is so true xx

Mojisola

There's plenty of reading -
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4557107
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4538789

globetraveller

Can I ask how you found out he had messaged other women on facebook? Did he tell you that? Could be that hasn't done anyting of the kind and is hoping you will be jealous

sadandlonely

globetraveller wrote: »

Can I ask how you found out he had messaged other women on facebook? Did he tell you that? Could be that hasn't done anyting of the kind and is hoping you will be jealous

His details were saved onto the computer and i went on there and seen the messages. I know i shouldnt have but i had this niggling feeling.

Wish i hadnt now,

thorsoak

sadandlonely wrote: »

His details were saved onto the computer and i went on there and seen the messages. I know i shouldnt have but i had this niggling feeling.

Wish i hadnt now,

Don't feel like that - looking at the messages shows that your instinct is correct - and confirms that you are doing the right thing!

opinions4u

sadandlonely wrote: »

His details were saved onto the computer and i went on there and seen the messages. I know i shouldnt have but i had this niggling feeling.

Wish i hadnt now,

Making your decisions is going to be easier to do when you have facts and knowledge as opposed to gut instinct.

That on its own isn't a need to move on. But it's another issue that has to be dealt with if you give it another try when there already seems to be a near insurmountable difficulty.

marisco_2

sadandlonely wrote: »

Hes just phoned. Knows ive gone silent on him as i havent replied to his texts all day. He said its because he was flirting with that woman. All blame turned round to me, i didnt want him back full stop so he can flirt with whomever he wants too.

Don't feel crappy. See this as total validation that a decision to split up is the right one. Just because you didn't fall over backwards with gratitude and relief that he wanted to return to you, does not give him carte blanche to flirt with other women. If you or your marriage meant anything to him, he would have done whatever he could to convince you that he would seek help for his issues, and start putting his relationship with you and the children first. Not only can he not control addictions or be a decent husband and father who behaves with integrity, but it would seem he has a problem with taking personal responsibility for his actions too. What did you ever see in him?

Leblanc_2

The problem is that you are vulnerable and want him to say what you want to hear. He senses this and is manipulating you.
The problem is that when he feels that the tide is absolutely turning and not in his favour, he will say what you want to hear, and you will believe him because you really want to. The whole cycle will start all over again and will continue ad nauseum.
Rip the plaster off now, don't tease it off bit by bit, as this is more painful in the long run.
However, I suspect that despite all the good advice you will take him back once he literally cries in front of you and tells you how sorry and how good he is going to be.
I know these types, I had a father just like him! Selfish and self centred through and through. Sperm donors NOT fathers!

sadandlonely

Thankfully its been a quiet day spent with my dear boys. Has given me plenty of time to think

Thanks mojisola for those threads, reading them has given me hope atleast.

Sadandlonely x

sadandlonely

Leblanc wrote: »

The problem is that you are vulnerable and want him to say what you want to hear. He senses this and is manipulating you.
The problem is that when he feels that the tide is absolutely turning and not in his favour, he will say what you want to hear, and you will believe him because you really want to. The whole cycle will start all over again and will continue ad nauseum.
Rip the plaster off now, don't tease it off bit by bit, as this is more painful in the long run.
However, I suspect that despite all the good advice you will take him back once he literally cries in front of you and tells you how sorry and how good he is going to be.
I know these types, I had a father just like him! Selfish and self centred through and through. Sperm donors NOT fathers!

This is what normally happens but i am trying so hard to break the cycle of going back. I do love him but cant carry on like this. Thats why i told him he needed to change and get help and gain back my trust before id take him back

X