husband problems!!!

tazzyb

GA meeting is not his only option. He can go to gamcare and they can arrange one to one counselling for him. HOWEVER he has to want to make the changed and it really does not sound like he does.

Personally his behavior not contributing to his family money wise and stealing from his children would have had me kicking him to he kerb years ago. I understand that you love him and are waiting for him to change but it is not going to happen. The throw away comment about divorce and then him seemingly lining up his next victim show that.

As hard as it is you are best off out of it now. Do not allow your youngest to have their life affected like he has no doubt done to your oldest. Stay strong you and your kids deserve better.

Get in touch with CSA as soon as you can and get them to take maintenance directly from his wages. I think you should do this regardless of the fact you can clearly support your children. You know he will not do the right thing by them, please do not believe him when he undoubtedly tries to get you to keep maintenance arrangements between yourselves.

zzzLazyDaisy

You are grieving for the relationship that you believe you would have if only he would change. You don't want THIS man - you want the man you believe he would be, if only he would change.

On the other hand, he is missing his home comforts and wants things to go back to the way they were. He doesn't want to take responsibility for himself, and he doesn't want anything to change, he wants everything to stay the same, so he can get on with his life and have you running around picking up the pieces for him.

If he can't get that from you, he will move on and find some other poor woman who is willing to put up with his !!!!less ways.

Why? Because addicts only think about themselves.

Don't waste any more time on this man, he will never be the husband you want him to be, and he will never be the father you want him to be. That would mean putting you and the children first, and that is never going to happen.

But there is someone out there who will love you and take care of you... and you will never meet him while you are tying yourself to this man.

Daisy x

sadandlonely

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

You are grieving for the relationship that you believe you would have if only he would change. You don't want THIS man - you want the man you believe he would be, if only he would change.

On the other hand, he is missing his home comforts and wants things to go back to the way they were. He doesn't want to take responsibility for himself, and he doesn't want anything to change, he wants everything to stay the same, so he can get on with his life and have you running around picking up the pieces for him.

If he can't get that from you, he will move on and find some other poor woman who is willing to put up with his !!!!less ways.

Why? Because addicts only think about themselves.

Don't waste any more time on this man, he will never be the husband you want him to be, and he will never be the father you want him to be. That would mean putting you and the children first, and that is never going to happen.

But there is someone out there who will love you and take care of you... and you will never meet him while you are tying yourself to this man.

Daisy x

Yes i think your right daisy, that was a very kind and true worded post. Thank you, x

sadandlonely

tazzyb wrote: »

GA meeting is not his only option. He can go to gamcare and they can arrange one to one counselling for him. HOWEVER he has to want to make the changed and it really does not sound like he does.

Personally his behavior not contributing to his family money wise and stealing from his children would have had me kicking him to he kerb years ago. I understand that you love him and are waiting for him to change but it is not going to happen. The throw away comment about divorce and then him seemingly lining up his next victim show that.

As hard as it is you are best off out of it now. Do not allow your youngest to have their life affected like he has no doubt done to your oldest. Stay strong you and your kids deserve better.

Get in touch with CSA as soon as you can and get them to take maintenance directly from his wages. I think you should do this regardless of the fact you can clearly support your children. You know he will not do the right thing by them, please do not believe him when he undoubtedly tries to get you to keep maintenance arrangements between yourselves.

He has coughed up this month. Its something but annoying as it covers school dinner for eldest ds with a bit to spare. Ive always gone without to ensure my son doesnt miss out.

Thank you too tazzyb xx

thorsoak

Carl31 wrote: »

Well yes, obviously, has he said he doesnt want to change then? and actually wants to lose his family? OP hasnt made that point clear

I would imagine he doesnt? but maybe he does? does anyone know? has he been asked?

He is the one who suggested divorce - and who is now in contact with another woman with children.

He may well want to stay married with his children - but he wants to gamble more. I've rarely heard of a psychologist being able to "cure" an addict - until the addict recognises that s/he has a problem which s/he needs to address, then there is very little hope for a relationship - the relationship with the addiction takes priority.

paulineb_2

I also think you should build a new life for yourself. I dated two people who gambled very briefly. Lies, excuses, one of them had two kids and he did spend time with his kids and regularly, but he had no cash as the cash went in the bookies.

You can support someone till the cows come home, they need to be the person who wants help and is willing to change. He might not want to stop gambling. He spent his paternity leave playing candy crush and hes now messaging someone who has 3 kids?

You may not need to consider divorce as an option right now, but I think you know what life will be like if you get back with this man and as for you going without to make sure your kids didnt? You should never have been in that position in the first place.

marisco_2

This will be very painful to do, but you need to face the fact that yourself and the children are not your husbands priority, and it is extremely doubtful that you ever would be. He has an addictive personality and those type of people are only interested in making sure their own needs are met. As his actions over the years and now are proving. He will continue to lead this destructive lifestyle till he hits rock bottom and has to seek help. My advice is don't let him drag you and the children down with him.

Sadly he most likely wished to get back together with you because you offered security and a safety net. That is no foundation to base a marriage on or a healthy environment in which to raise your two lovely children. I am very sorry that you are going through such an awful time and hope you have the support of family and friends to see you through it.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

marisco wrote: »

This will be very painful to do, but you need to face the fact that yourself and the children are not your husbands priority, and it is extremely doubtful that you ever would be. He has an addictive personality and those type of people are only interested in making sure their own needs are met. As his actions over the years and now are proving. He will continue to lead this destructive lifestyle till he hits rock bottom and has to seek help. My advice is don't let him drag you and the children down with him.

Sadly he most likely wished to get back together with you because you offered security and a safety net. That is no foundation to base a marriage on or a healthy environment in which to raise your two lovely children. I am very sorry that you are going through such an awful time and hope you have the support of family and friends to see you through it.

^^^^

Security = somebody who will feed, clothe and house him and might leave her purse unattended for a second whilst changing a dirty nappy.

He was probably skint when he asked. And now he's looking for the next person he can tap for cash/doesn't know he's a thieving git.

Mojisola

paulineb wrote: »

You may not need to consider divorce as an option right now, but I think you know what life will be like if you get back with this man and as for you going without to make sure your kids didnt? You should never have been in that position in the first place.

The problem with not divorcing and getting a financial settlement now is that he could be entitled to a share of everything you build up in the future.

dancingfairy

You don't need to rush to divorce him straight away but obviously once you've made your mind up then you should get it over and done with.
You can only help someone so much, at some point they have to help themselves It sounds like you have done everything you can for him.
Do you have any close girlfriends that could come over one night and you could put the world to rights with?
df