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husband problems!!!

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Comments

  • Carl31
    Carl31 Posts: 2,616 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Have you tried to help him? actually, not help him, work with him to beat his problem? I think if you can honestly say you have both attempted to tackle his illness, and got no where, then its time to give up, but if you have just avoided it, and hoped it will go away, then maybe its time to get heavy with him, set out a plan to try and fix things, and work with him, if that fails then at least you know you tried

    I think its easy to judge people for things that seem 'their own fault', and for those of us not affected by their problem to say 'just dont go to the bookies, then', or assume they dont care, but the reality is, we dont know what their thought process is, what has lead to this problem, and how bad it is.
  • Carl31 wrote: »
    Have you tried to help him? actually, not help him, work with him to beat his problem? I think if you can honestly say you have both attempted to tackle his illness, and got no where, then its time to give up, but if you have just avoided it, and hoped it will go away, then maybe its time to get heavy with him, set out a plan to try and fix things, and work with him, if that fails then at least you know you tried

    I think its easy to judge people for things that seem 'their own fault', and for those of us not affected by their problem to say 'just dont go to the bookies, then', or assume they dont care, but the reality is, we dont know what their thought process is, what has lead to this problem, and how bad it is.

    Yes i have tried for many years to help him. Ive loaned him money, taken his cards off him. The last time he excluded himself from the bookies i marched him in there to do it. I told him about gamblers anon but he said i cant afford to get there.

    I cant think of any other way i could have helped him as i couldnt be there 24/7.
  • Carl31
    Carl31 Posts: 2,616 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Yes i have tried for many years to help him. Ive loaned him money, taken his cards off him. The last time he excluded himself from the bookies i marched him in there to do it. I told him about gamblers anon but he said i cant afford to get there.

    I cant think of any other way i could have helped him as i couldnt be there 24/7.

    i mean with proper psychological help? the habit is a symptom, not the cause, taking things away wont fix the underlying problem, just restrict what he can do

    Has he seen a doc or professional for help? Problem is, if he doesnt get it sorted, he will carry on forever like it, until he hits rock bottom, and thats your childrens father, gone
  • Luckily no debt is associated with me. No joint accounts or anything. Didnt trust him enough to get one when we got married. But 19years old and pregnant with ds1, i believed he would change.

    Thank you all again for your input, you've all been so understanding xx
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Carl31 wrote: »
    Has he seen a doc or professional for help? Problem is, if he doesnt get it sorted, he will carry on forever like it, until he hits rock bottom, and thats your childrens father, gone

    If he doesn't want to change, it doesn't matter how much other people try to help. Family and friends can run themselves into the ground setting up appointments, seeing advisors, being supportive - all of it a waste of time and energy unless the addict is willing and making a genuine effort to change.
  • Carl31
    Carl31 Posts: 2,616 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    Mojisola wrote: »
    If he doesn't want to change, it doesn't matter how much other people try to help. Family and friends can run themselves into the ground setting up appointments, seeing advisors, being supportive - all of it a waste of time and energy unless the addict is willing and making a genuine effort to change.

    Well yes, obviously, has he said he doesnt want to change then? and actually wants to lose his family? OP hasnt made that point clear

    I would imagine he doesnt? but maybe he does? does anyone know? has he been asked?
  • Carl31 wrote: »
    i mean with proper psychological help? the habit is a symptom, not the cause, taking things away wont fix the underlying problem, just restrict what he can do

    Has he seen a doc or professional for help? Problem is, if he doesnt get it sorted, he will carry on forever like it, until he hits rock bottom, and thats your childrens father, gone

    No hes not seen anyone professional afaik. But if he wont go to G.A. then id be worried he would have the same opinion on that. X
  • Carl31 wrote: »
    Well yes, obviously, has he said he doesnt want to change then? and actually wants to lose his family? OP hasnt made that point clear

    I would imagine he doesnt? but maybe he does? does anyone know? has he been asked?

    I dont know if he wants to change. After years of asking though, he hasnt so its in my mind he doeant want to. But i dont know! Xx
  • Mojisola
    Mojisola Posts: 35,571 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper
    Carl31 wrote: »
    Well yes, obviously, has he said he doesnt want to change then? and actually wants to lose his family? OP hasnt made that point clear

    I would imagine he doesnt? but maybe he does? does anyone know? has he been asked?

    Given the option of showing he's serious about giving up gambling and going to gamblers anon, he said "Divorce me".
  • Carl31
    Carl31 Posts: 2,616 Forumite
    Ninth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Combo Breaker
    No hes not seen anyone professional afaik. But if he wont go to G.A. then id be worried he would have the same opinion on that. X

    Have you asked him?

    I think you really need to sit him down, lay it on the line, tell him if he wants things to get better, he needs to do as you say and get some proper help, from a professional

    I dont think you want to give up on him really, but feel you have no choice. I imagine he hates what hes doing too, but doesnt know what to do either

    Its up to you though, unfortunately unless you ask for help, nothings going to come to you
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