Pre-nup wanted by future in laws

twojaystwokays

I wont bring my house into the pre-nup because when I say the vows, all that I have I share with you, I actually mean it. A pre-nup to me shows a total lack of trust.
If we were talking millions here I might understand but we are talking about a standard semi which is supposed to be a family home for all of our family not half of it.
The timing for us moving out isnt good, every penny we have saved is tied up in our upcoming wedding which we are paying for.
His family are quite well off (not millionaires or anything) and although my oh has had large amounts of time being unemployed, we have never asked them for anything, surely if I was that bothered about money I would have pushed him into asking for help when we have been at rock bottom.

daisiegg

twojaystwokays wrote: »

His family are quite well off (not millionaires or anything) and although my oh has had large amounts of time being unemployed, we have never asked them for anything, surely if I was that bothered about money I would have pushed him into asking for help when we have been at rock bottom.

Never asked them for anything? You may not have asked for it, but they provide you somewhere to live! That is pretty big and generous...

daisiegg

twojaystwokays wrote: »

Just to clear up a few points, I am happy to sign the pre-nup as I have no financial interest in my oh .

If you are happy to sign it I am confused what this thread is about?

Mojisola

twojaystwokays wrote: »

I wont bring my house into the pre-nup because when I say the vows, all that I have I share with you, I actually mean it. A pre-nup to me shows a total lack of trust.

But if your OH goes along with you signing a pre-nup, you'll know that he doesn't mean the words!

It's beginning to sound as if you're going to "cut your nose off to spite your face" as the old saying goes. If the relationship breaks up, you are risking losing half of your house to the son of wealthy parents while you would be walking away with nothing? Think of your older children if you won't secure your own future - your opportunities to help them in the future would be much reduced if you lose the capital you have built up.

I know people make their choices but spending all your money on a wedding when you can't afford to rent a property to live in and get free of the FIL is a strange decision to make.

Own_My_Own

Sorry to be blunt Op but you really need to grow up.

You have done nothing but make excuses for why you are not discussing this with your partner, why you can't move out, why your not paying rent. The list goes on and on.

Why come on here for advice if you are going to knock every bit of it back.

GobbledyGook

twojaystwokays wrote: »

I wont bring my house into the pre-nup because when I say the vows, all that I have I share with you, I actually mean it. A pre-nup to me shows a total lack of trust.
If we were talking millions here I might understand but we are talking about a standard semi which is supposed to be a family home for all of our family not half of it.
The timing for us moving out isnt good, every penny we have saved is tied up in our upcoming wedding which we are paying for.
His family are quite well off (not millionaires or anything) and although my oh has had large amounts of time being unemployed, we have never asked them for anything, surely if I was that bothered about money I would have pushed him into asking for help when we have been at rock bottom.

I would think very, very carefully about not including your property.

If your FIL is as controlling as you think if the worst happened and you split up are you sure that he wouldn't push your OH to 'get what he was entitled too'?

I'd be concerned that not including it in your pre-nup would be seen as a clear sign that you intended it to be shared - which is fine when everthing is good, but if your FIL is determined to protect his interests and your OH is happy to go along with that then I think you should consider protecting your interests as well.

I wouldn't sign it personally - if your FIL owns it and you pay rent (which it sounds like he doesn't declare with the tax issues) then he is your landlord. If he decides to put the house out of his name into that of anyone else then he, and he alone, is responsible for that decision. If he doesn't trust the mother of his grandchildren then he doesn't put it in the names of his grandchildren etc etc.

However if you do sign it then I think it would be madness not to include your own property.

Georgiegirl256

twojaystwokays wrote: »

I wont bring my house into the pre-nup because when I say the vows, all that I have I share with you, I actually mean it. A pre-nup to me shows a total lack of trust.

The thing is, no one goes into a marriage expecting it or wanting it to fail, but you've got to be a realist here, as much as you think you'll be together forever (hopefully you will be), you've got to realise that there's a chance the marriage might fail and you might not be.

So, I can totally see where the future FIL is coming from in wanting to protect his investment. It might seem cruel and it might seem harsh, and I don't necessarily think that he is viewing you as a gold digger, he just has a realistic view of what could happen in the future.

If you're happy to sign the prenup, then what's the problem?

daisiegg

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I wouldn't sign it personally - if your FIL owns it and you pay rent (which it sounds like he doesn't declare with the tax issues) then he is your landlord. If he decides to put the house out of his name into that of anyone else then he, and he alone, is responsible for that decision. If he doesn't trust the mother of his grandchildren then he doesn't put it in the names of his grandchildren etc etc.

From what I can gather,they don't pay rent. OP says she would, but fil want it in cash, and she refuses to do that, so they very conveniently pay no rent.

twojaystwokays

I came on here for some advice and ideas, and I am listening to the advice.
Until it was asked of me I had never even thought of a pre-nup so it was a bit of a shock which is why I wanted independant opinions.
When I say I am happy to sign it, I am prepared to sign it but reluctant because I feel like I said earlier it then splits our family into two.
Our wedding is very small and very cheap and yes I know I am lucky to have a nice house to live in but it has come at a price.
I am made to feel like a bad parent by my inlaws when I have suggested that we move somewhere else or try and get a mortgage and buy this house. My fil is very clever, telling me how settled they are here and how happy they are and if we got a mortgage or rented somewhere else and my oh became out of work again (which happens regularly, he is a labourer and work tends to be weather related) what we would we do then.
Believe me, these are not excuses, I am trying to do the best for all my children and if me,my oh and all my children could move hundreds of miles away, right now I would.

Mojisola

twojaystwokays wrote: »

if me,my oh and all my children could move hundreds of miles away, right now I would.

That sounds like a good plan.