Pre-nup wanted by future in laws

claire16c

twojaystwokays wrote: »

There is some tax issue (which is where the rent issue comes in) I wanted to pay rent on a regular basis direct debit but my partners dad wants cash and I am not that daft. I am not sure what the tax issue is so if someone could help me on that, it might help me to understand.
My main concern as I said before is where would I stand and my two eldest children if something happened.

So he's a tax dodger too. He wants you to pay him in cash because you can earn a certain amount of money from renting a house before paying tax. So he wants you to do it in cash so he can illegally not declare it.

I rent my house from my parents and it's done by bank transfer and all above board. My dad has to complete the relevant paperwork for the inland revenue.

There is no way I'd sign anything.

Maybe just keep quiet about it all. Plan your wedding and don't ever bring up the topic. Then he'd have to do all the leg work, pay for it etc if he's really that bothered.

RAS

Agree as long as you also have a pre-nup which bars OH from ever having any stake in the house you owned before you met him?

DaveTheMus

This is why you accept gifts of this nature from anyone......it can be used against you in the future.

Next time someone you don't particularly like offers to buy you a house or a car, say no!

if you've earned everything you own, you're under no obligation to anyone, you don't even owe them an explanation.

DaveTheMus

DigForVictory wrote: »

Only as a last step would I rub their noses in the fact that you have a place to retreat to over which they have no control & if they push it, you might take their son & grandchildren & they can whistle for contact...

....use the children as weapons? What a horrible thing to do.....

marmitepotato

It seems to me that FIL has got everyone under his control except you OP. His way of bringing you 'to heel' is to make you sign this. Once you have done this he has everyone just where he wants them. I'm sure that MIL is also suitably under the thumb too. This also makes me wonder how he will bring your children 'to heel' when they get older?

Cottage_Economy

Why would you be wanting to marry into an awful situation like this? To a man who won't stand up for you and is happy to have you cast as an evil harpy?

This isn't going to get any better. Ever.

If you want to stay with him, sign nothing and put the wedding on hold, get yourself a better full-time job pronto (and squeeze your other half to do so too) and use the increase in salary to get a mortgage on a place halfway between your ex-council house and your current dwelling. You might be able to take some of the equity in your ex-council house to help. Ask your son and his girlfriend to pay rent on that house if they are not. Then move out of your FIL's house and don't let anybody try and hold anything over your head to control you again.

Oh and get life insurance if you and your OH don't have any.

System

You know, your future husband ought to be battling these issues out with his Father.


If he doesn't, he either agrees with him in principal or he's a weak man.

Pricivius

twojaystwokays wrote: »

But I am still (in their eyes) this evil older woman who is divorced with two kids who came along and trapped their little boy by getting pregnant( not true, biggest shock of my life) and refuses to play the game and jump to his tune.:mad:
Rant over.

But you are playing the game and jumping to his tune. That started when you agreed that he could house you all so that you could be rent/mortgage free, allowing you to work part time and OH to work for NMW without needing to increase your income. It also allowed you to pay the mortgage for your son and girlfriend who are presumably living rent free in your old house.

He's been funding you and your family ever since you moved in to the big house in the nice area so he's had you playing his game since then.

Whilst I'm sure it's been lovely up until now, it's starting to backfire and I would not be able to live with it. I would be sorting out either a deposit and mortgage to buy a house or look into renting somewhere so that I can house my own family. No way would I allow this man to control my financial situation like this. It's time to cut the apron strings and for your family to be independent.

Norma_Desmond

Your future in-laws sound like something straight out of a trashy gothic novel - and I'd tell them that to their faces.

AcidHouse

twojaystwokays wrote: »

My partner of seven years and I have lived for the last five years in a house bought and paid for by his parents, we have two children together and I have two other children.
We are getting married in a few months and there have been some up and downs between me and my future father in law but for the majority we get along fine.
He told us last night that currently he owns the house but it is in trust in my partner and our two childrens names, he wants me to sign a pre-nup against any future claim on the house.
I can see his point of view but I feel a bit sad about the whole thing and confused as to the best thing to do.
Money is pretty tight with the wedding and a solicitor seems like an expensive but maybe necessary option.
Any help would be appreciated.

Hi OP,

To avoid this FIL having control over the rest of your life, you must find a way to move out of that home he owns, into one with your OH, and THEN get married.

Over time, you've grown into a house you don't own by having a couple of kids and you've become accustomed to that way of living, in a house of that size, in that area etc. It's naive to be living in a house someone else owns and not expect them to protect it in some way. You have to summon the guts to leave that house and set up elsewhere, even if it means being cramped/downsized/never being able to have a home like that on your wage etc.

The whole time you've been in that house, the FIL and the MIL have been watching how you and your OH spend your money, expand your family etc. Regardless of how well the house is cared for by you, you have it for free. I'm not trying to patronise, just trying to show it from their point of view.

My friend signed a document in a very similar situation to yours, and they divorced because of his in-laws interfering with the relationship once the marriage took place.
The husband always sided with them against his own wife.
As the FIL and MIL owned the house, they started to come & go as they pleased, imposed the type of security they wanted fitted on the house etc and it caused no end of arguments.
They would make unreasonable demands - with the reasoning that as they owned the house, the DIL and Son now owed them favours as there was no way they could have afforded that house themselves.
After the divorce, she ended up with nothing and nowhere to live.
Because the house was paid for she didn't really need to work and had given up her job years before the divorce - wow, going from a 5 bed detached to nothing and no employment references for work in the last 5 years?
Not a good situation, all invoked by the agreement of, 'ok, we will live in your dad's house'.

You say you own your own home that you are paying on at the moment - fantastic. This is your escape method. Give your son and his gf a few months to find elsewhere to live and put the house up for sale, seeing as you don't like where it is.
Use the money for a deposit for you and your OH to get your own house.
If you want to protect your deposit get your OH to sign a legal document staking no claim on it.
See how the tables now turn on the FIL? Now HIS son is having to sign a document so he can't claim from you if you split.

Alternatively, sign the pre nup so you can get married, and suck it up. Enjoy the home they have 'lent' you to live in. Carry on paying on your other mortgage so you have some security in case the worst happens. Take the route of independence, or the route of dependence. Only the latter gives you complete peace of mind.