Pre-nup wanted by future in laws

Mojisola

fabforty wrote: »

I think you have missed the crucial fact of this thread - which is that the house belongs to FIL, not OP or her partner.

It doesn't - it's in a trust.

stebiz

Can't believe what I'm reading. If I bought my daughter a house to live in (or lent her money to do so) I'd certainly want a similar arrangement. Bearing in mind 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce I'd rather safeguard the cash in case my daughter needed it in the future.

Just read about the <tv> - get out while you can. If he has a temper he'll always have a temper.

icklejulez

I would certainly call womens aid, they are a fantastic charity and I refer a lot of women there who all get fantastic advice. You currently reside in the house and you shouldn't have to live under threat, it is your partner that would have to leave. At some point in the future your father in law will insist you move out however, this is negotiated as to such a time that you can find somewhere suitable and have time to sort out schooling etc. For example it could be September if the children are moving schools. Womens aid will have all the answers you need. Just protect yourself asap.

GracieP

stebiz wrote: »

Can't believe what I'm reading. If I bought my daughter a house to live in (or lent her money to do so) I'd certainly want a similar arrangement. Bearing in mind 1 in 3 marriages end in divorce I'd rather safeguard the cash in case my daughter needed it in the future.

Whereas if I bought my son a house and he had two young children my priority above all would be ensuring the security of my grandchildren. My son would be an adult and capable of making his own way in life if necessary, my grandchildren would be children who are reliant on the adults in their life to keep them safe and secure. If they were already going through the upheaval of their parents' divorce, I'd hope their parents could reach an agreement that allowed them to stay in their home. That's not to say I'd want to see my son screwed over, but if I was to get involved (which I'd hope I wouldn't) it would be to see that everything was fair. Which above all means that the most vulnerable people in the situation are cared for first and foremost.

The OP's FIL doesn't actually seem to have his grandchildren's interest in mind at all.

Vicky123

GracieP wrote: »

Whereas if I bought my son a house and he had two young children my priority above all would be ensuring the security of my grandchildren. My son would be an adult and capable of making his own way in life if necessary, my grandchildren would be children who are reliant on the adults in their life to keep them safe and secure. If they were already going through the upheaval of their parents' divorce, I'd do hope their parents could reach an agreement that allowed them to stay in their home. That's not to say I'd want to see my son screwed over, but if I was to get involved (which I'd hope I wouldn't) it would be to see that everything was fair. Which above all means that the most vulnerable people in the situation are cared for first and foremost.

The OP's FIL doesn't actually seem to have his grandchildren's interest in mind at all.

By setting up the house as a trust for his son and grandchildren he is making sure they have a home, just doesn't care for their mother to be in it! I suspect this is what it was about all along, he probably knows what his son is like and doesn't want to lose contact [control] over the next generation and will now be providing the stable home the children are used to, it also explains why there was no pre-nup for his son in law.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Sounds to me like FIL knew that the guy was a drunk, aggressive and eventually, you would see sense and get the hell out of there. I doubt whether he is part of the trust, but he's been told it so he doesn't kick off over it or insist on moving into your house (and then take out loans secured upon it, smash it up and end up forcing a sale so you lose your hard earned equity). I think FIL's interest is protecting all the children from their father's actions, and protecting you and your other children from him - not from you - but you've been convinced by your -ex? I hope - that everybody hates you because that's what abusive drunks do, as it isolates you from support.


Stay out. Stay safe.





(And FWIW, I'd say smashing a teacup is as much threatening behaviour as something bigger, whoever does it. It's a violent, aggressive act and a plate of food slung across the floor, a thrown glass or my stereo chucked at my head all scared me equally, as did being 'accidentally' barged out the way or picked up by the throat. They're all abuse.)

Padstow

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

Sounds to me like FIL knew that the guy was a drunk, aggressive and eventually, you would see sense and get the hell out of there. I doubt whether he is part of the trust, but he's been told it so he doesn't kick off over it or insist on moving into your house (and then take out loans secured upon it, smash it up and end up forcing a sale so you lose your hard earned equity). I think FIL's interest is protecting all the children from their father's actions, and protecting you and your other children from him - not from you - but you've been convinced by your -ex? I hope - that everybody hates you because that's what abusive drunks do, as it isolates you from support.


Stay out. Stay safe.





(And FWIW, I'd say smashing a teacup is as much threatening behaviour as something bigger, whoever does it. It's a violent, aggressive act and a plate of food slung across the floor, a thrown glass or my stereo chucked at my head all scared me equally, as did being 'accidentally' barged out the way or picked up by the throat. They're all abuse.)

It is so frightening to see heavy furniture hurled across the room just past your face. Not direct violence but one throw of a heavy chair and miss? Holes in the wall due to the above.

I had it all, the attempt to shatter the glass doors, no hitting me but terrifying behaviour that caused me to call the police. Daughter and myself were shaking with fear.
All because I found him out.

Just to add, we were a highly respectable business in the town and very high earners.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Padstow wrote: »

It is so frightening to see heavy furniture hurled across the room just past your face. Not direct violence but one throw of a heavy chair and miss? Holes in the wall due to the above.

I had it all, the attempt to shatter the glass doors, no hitting me but terrifying behaviour that caused me to call the police. Daughter and myself were shaking with fear.
All because I found him out.

Just to add, we were a highly respectable business in the town and very high earners.

Doesn't matter how respectable they appear in public, does it? It's what they're like when nobody else is watching that gives away their true nature. The rest is all just show.