Pre-nup wanted by future in laws

twojaystwokays

My partner of seven years and I have lived for the last five years in a house bought and paid for by his parents, we have two children together and I have two other children.
We are getting married in a few months and there have been some up and downs between me and my future father in law but for the majority we get along fine.
He told us last night that currently he owns the house but it is in trust in my partner and our two childrens names, he wants me to sign a pre-nup against any future claim on the house.
I can see his point of view but I feel a bit sad about the whole thing and confused as to the best thing to do.
Money is pretty tight with the wedding and a solicitor seems like an expensive but maybe necessary option.
Any help would be appreciated.

claire16c

I was under the impression that pre nups aren't really valid in UK law and once you get married and stay married for over 2 years you'll be entitled to part of your husbands wealth anyway.

What does your partner think about all of this?

Your future fil shouldn't have bought a house for you all to live in if he wasnt happy with the fact you could one day make a claim on it in the event of a divorce.

Cyclamen

i looked into this before we marroied

some 'precedent' has been set about pre-nups and where once they were not binding they now can be.

the cost of getting one done is high.. you both need different solicitors.. even if you buy a 'law pack' pre-nup you still are supposed to both see a solicitor each.

please be careful with 'online pre-nup' packages.. we got caught out as the small prinbt sends you off to a solicitor to get it checked and they did no more than the 'law pack' i bought online.. huge wasste of money.

rpc

What does your future husband think? The prenup would carry weight but not be binding.

Future FIL can't own the house if it is held in trust - the trust would own it. If future-fil is the trustee, he has to act in the interests of the beneficiaries and can't cloud this with his own opinions on what he thinks should happen (and you could later claim to be a beneficiary, in any case).

Divorce, with one party a beneficiary of such a trust, can be very messy:
http://www.birketts.co.uk/resources/legal-updates/1346/the-duties-of-trustees-when-dealing-with-divorcing-beneficiaries-under-trusts/
http://www.stephens-scown.co.uk/blog/2011/03/family-trusts-on-divorce/

aileth

Can't help about the legal side, but I'd be terribly upset if my future FIL rolled up and demanded a pre-nup. I'd say that's something you and your husband should decide between you if it's mutually agreeable, rather than FIL.

Arthien

Personally I would never sign such a thing! It would tell me that my in-laws didn't actually like me and didn't want me to be a part of their family. How is it acceptable for them to offer to keep a roof over the heads of their grandchildren but not their son's wife? Your FIL should have thought about this before he bought the house, it's not as if you've only been together a few months, you're a family unit with your partner and your children, and how you choose to share or split your finances with your partner/husband (particularly once you're married) shouldn't be anything to do with your in-laws. Can you not offer to buy them out of the house after the wedding, so this doesn't hang over you?

twojaystwokays

Money is no issue to my future in laws, I get the impression they think I might be a gold digger even though when we met I had a job, a house, a car and he still lived with his parents and had none of these. He is lovely, a fantastic dad but very naive and spoilt. He is also very controlled by his dad.
I have no problem in signing a pre-nup as I think his dad would love me to say no but I am starting to think about horrible scenarios, what would happen if my partner and children died etc.
The whole thing is really upsetting me ( I think that was the plan), my partner will never really stand up to his dad.

msb5262

I'd tell the parents in law to do one - it's none of their business, and given the length of time you've been together, it would probably have very little standing in law.

Mrs_Bones

twojaystwokays wrote: »

Money is no issue to my future in laws, I get the impression they think I might be a gold digger even though when we met I had a job, a house, a car and he still lived with his parents and had none of these. He is lovely, a fantastic dad but very naive and spoilt. He is also very controlled by his dad.
I have no problem in signing a pre-nup as I think his dad would love me to say no but I am starting to think about horrible scenarios, what would happen if my partner and children died etc.
The whole thing is really upsetting me ( I think that was the plan), my partner will never really stand up to his dad.

To be honest I'd be as much if not more worried about the above than the Pre nup, on that I'd tell FiL to do one as has already been suggested. If a Pre nup is decided on it should be between the two people marrying, nothing to do with the in-laws.

What would upset me more is having a partner who didn't stand up for me. You are his partner of seven years, you have 4 children between you. It's time he grew up and got his priorities right. If he can't stand up to his father now on something that is obviously upsetting you, I'm not sure I'd be rushing down any marriage aisle.

FBaby

I can kind of see the point when we are talking about millions but a house which is your home? This is so insulting! If it was me I would either see about buying it from his parents or ultimately move out and get a place of your own so that you don't owe them anything.

twojaystwokays

Thanks for all your help, much appreciated.
In reply to Mrs Bones I think you are right but in my partners defence his dad is very controlling and incredibly manipulative which is the main reason we do not get on, he hates the fact that I dont jump when he says so.
I think the whole pre-nup thing is a test, I really think he wants me to kick off and for me and my partner to have a massive row about it and I am determined not to do either, I do feel let down though.
I am more worried about the implications for me and my older two children.
He originally bought the house when I was pregnant with the fourth child and in retrospect I just got carried away with moving to a bigger house in a nice area and did not think about the possible downfalls. I blame my hormones.
We can not afford to buy him out, I work part time and my partner is on minimum wage.