Pre-nup wanted by future in laws

Arthien

warehouse wrote: »

After seeing many of my friends literally dragged through the dirt and left absolutely penniless and almost destitute by ex wives, not to mention the h*ll they've been put through to access their own children, then I can totally see why this has happened.

Please don't think this is against you OP, but when couples divorce the woman has all the power, the courts side with them every single time, they get everything and the ex-husband gets nothing, (where children are involved).

OP, I can honestly say that in your future FiL's position I'd be very inclined to do the same if I'd setup home for my son, and again I apologise if it sounds harsh, I'm just being honest. If there have been rows between you and you future FiL then it just compounds my own thoughts.

Don't balme the FiL, blame the gold diggers out there and the scumbag lawyers who represent them.

Alternatively, the FIL could accept that his son is a grown-up, and if he gives his son a house, then the son is old enough to make the decision about sharing it with a future wife, in the full knowledge that he may then lose half of it in the case of a divorce?

If you give someone a gift, it should be with no strings attached, and you shouldn't get to have a say in how it is used/spent/wasted (or however you might view it). I can understand that it might not feel great to see your gift end up like that, but it really shouldn't be of anyone's concern other than the two people in the marriage.

Bluejeanbaby

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, I understand completely how upset you must be. I was in a similar situation a few years back myself. Before we were married or had kids, FIL wanted to 'gift' a property to OH as an early inheritance. At this point we'd not had the kids or got engaged even & FIL spoke to OH who in turn approached me about signing something to say I wouldn't ever stake a claim on the property. Well, OH & I were getting fairly serious at this point & had talked about marriage & kids but when the pre-nup idea came up I exploded! I told OH in no uncertain terms that just because he'd had a privileged upbringing & mine was fairly hard financially it didn't automatically make me a gold digger & if him & his family couldn't trust me or see that in the future we may have a family & get married (which we now have) then I I wasn't sure that I wanted to be involved with people like that. I was so upset & up until that point I thought that FIL was quite taken with me. Part of me thought, "just sign it & get on with life" but a bigger part of me thought "why should I??"

Anyway, this all gets relayed to FIL & MIL (who by the way, kept well out of it, despite having got FIL to sign a pre-nup before they married!) OH decided that we weren't signing any pre-nups, apologised profusely & nothing else on the matter was ever mentioned. The house was gifted to OH, we've lived here with our two children for 6 years now & have got married in the mean time.

I think if you tell your OH how you feel then he really ought to speak to your FIL and put his foot down. If he doesn't want to or doesn't feel he can stand up to FIL I would be questioning the future of your relationship. Can you really live out your life under the dictatorship of FIL? I was fortunate in that my OH Sstood up for me & FIL understood & we've all lived very harmoniously since but had attitudes been different, I don't think I would still be in this marriage. I would be demanded a bit of respect from FIL as his sons future wife & the mother of his grandchildren if I were you.

warehouse

Arthien wrote: »

If you give someone a gift, it should be with no strings attached, and you shouldn't get to have a say in how it is used/spent/wasted (or however you might view it). I can understand that it might not feel great to see your gift end up like that, but it really shouldn't be of anyone's concern other than the two people in the marriage.

I don't recall reading that it was a gift? It's seems to be the FiL's house that he allows the Son and OP to live in.

With no mortgage or rent to pay, (unless the OP has missed this out), then there should be little problem building up quite substantial savings over time, which the OP would have a very valid claim on.

lostinrates

Arthien wrote: »

Alternatively, the FIL could accept that his son is a grown-up, and if he gives his son a house, then the son is old enough to make the decision about sharing it with a future wife, in the full knowledge that he may then lose half of it in the case of a divorce?

If you give someone a gift, it should be with no strings attached, and you shouldn't get to have a say in how it is used/spent/wasted (or however you might view it). I can understand that it might not feel great to see your gift end up like that, but it really shouldn't be of anyone's concern other than the two people in the marriage.

Its not clear of he has given the house as a gift or not.

It looks like its possible he has let them live in it in advance of leaving it in trust to partner and the children.

twojaystwokays

I am so glad I put this on here because I get different points of view. I still have my other house, still paying the mortgage on it, my eldest son lives there with his girlfriend, they are both students. It is in a bad area and isnt worth selling at the minute.
I have no financial interest in my partner or his family, yes they are fairly well off but I brought my two eldest up as a single parent and I will always be financially dependant on my own.
I cant work full time as my two youngest are dependant and if someone would like to take my partner on for more than the minimum wage then please get in touch.
I know I made a mistake moving in this house but its no mansion or anything, but it was better than a two bedroom ex council house (which I was more than happy with for me and my two eldest) but for two adults and four kids was not practical.
There is some tax issue (which is where the rent issue comes in) I wanted to pay rent on a regular basis direct debit but my partners dad wants cash and I am not that daft. I am not sure what the tax issue is so if someone could help me on that, it might help me to understand.
My main concern as I said before is where would I stand and my two eldest children if something happened.

Arthien

lostinrates wrote: »

Its not clear of he has given the house as a gift or not.

It looks like its possible he has let them live in it in advance of leaving it in trust to partner and the children.

But surely that's as good as saying it will be a gift (even if it's not currently), as the son won't be buying it from his parents, and that he can live in it on the proviso that his wife never has a share?

System

You cant go into a marriage with a family member having as much control over you as he is having at the moment.


Been there wore the t shirt and it ended pretty badly.

jetplane

What a dilemma, however taking the Kings shilling comes to mind. You live mortgage free in a bigger house in a nice area while working part time, husband on minimum wage and tax credits if you have claimed them.

I notice the FiL has totally excluded you and your eldest children from the trust. As he has chosen not to gift the money to his son then his plan is to ensure that his investment is fully protected should your marriage fail.

I think a solicitor may well be an unwelcome necessity, unless your partner can ask his father to pay for an independent solicitor for you You do need to know your legal position on this. If your husband dies then do you live in the house as it is in trust for your youngest children?

You are imagining worse case scenarios, so is his father and for him his worse case may be that you end up with his house and his son ends up at home back to square one.

You have not said what your partner feels about this.

lostinrates

Arthien wrote: »

But surely that's as good as saying it will be a gift (even if it's not currently), as the son won't be buying it from his parents, and that he can live in it on the proviso that his wife never has a share?

Not clear to us here is not the same as not clear to op's fil' his solicitor and even perhaps his son!

jetplane

twojaystwokays wrote: »

I am so glad I put this on here because I get different points of view. I still have my other house, still paying the mortgage on it, my eldest son lives there with his girlfriend, they are both students. It is in a bad area and isnt worth selling at the minute.
I have no financial interest in my partner or his family, yes they are fairly well off but I brought my two eldest up as a single parent and I will always be financially dependant on my own.
[/COLOR]I cant work full time as my two youngest are dependant and if someone would like to take my partner on for more than the minimum wage then please get in touch.
I know I made a mistake moving in this house but its no mansion or anything, but it was better than a two bedroom ex council house (which I was more than happy with for me and my two eldest) but for two adults and four kids was not practical.
There is some tax issue (which is where the rent issue comes in) I wanted to pay rent on a regular basis direct debit but my partners dad wants cash and I am not that daft. I am not sure what the tax issue is so if someone could help me on that, it might help me to understand.
My main concern as I said before is where would I stand and my two eldest children if something happened

You will need to ask a solicitor but you can go back to the house that you own and remain financially independent.