Pre-nup wanted by future in laws

FBaby

Unfortunately that's how he controls you. toy either brake free from it and expect no help or support our your accept that he will use his manipulation and controlling way to have toy do as he says. I assume if your fiance tells him to get loss he will get to your another way somehow. I personally would rather live in a more modest home than to be treated like muppets.

downshifted

I take a different view. As a family you have had the benefit of a free property; presumably you are living rent free? Why do you think you should have a long term benefit from your in-laws generosity?

It's easy to say they should not have let you have the house unless they were willing to take the risk of you waltzing off with half on divorce. On the other hand perhaps you shouldn't have taken the advantage of a free roof and also expected a long term interest.

At present you have no rights to the house as you are unmarried. One solution if you want to marry and continue living there would be to put an equivalent amount to the rent into savings in your name and build up a pot? Ensure your husband is well insured.

My response would be to leave the in laws' house and live elsewhere as a real family who can make their own decisions. But there is a price to being an independent adult and a different price to be paid if you are beholden to people.

aileth

Sooo.... what happens if you say no? Is FIL really going to 'cancel' your wedding? I doubt it. Worst case scenario, you say no, FIL manipulates your partner, partner calls off wedding, but then again you've seen the true situation and had a lucky escape IMO.

Edit: Can you afford to move or live elsewhere? I think that'd be the best way to resolve this, as you can bet your bottom dollar the pre-nup your FIL creates won't be solely concerning the house, but will be using that as an excuse to draw one up.

tea_lover

Personally I'd be looking to move house. While you are living in his property the FIL will always have some degree of control over you.

rpc

It looks as though you have three options:

1 - Obey future FIL and accept that your marriage will always be controlled by him

2 - Get OH to stand up to him for you as a family and future wife

3 - Call quits on the whole thing because you want to marry OH and not OH's dad. You move out, if you are primary carer then kids would likely move with you

If 1 isn't acceptable, I'd be asking you future husband to choose between 2 & 3.

If the cost of 2 is moving out of the wonderhome and living somewhere that is within your means as a couple, then that is surely a price worth paying. It would be a little hypocritical to want to be free of future FIL, but still live in a house he purchased (ignoring trust arrangements for now).

rpc

downshifted wrote: »

I take a different view. As a family you have had the benefit of a free property; presumably you are living rent free? Why do you think you should have a long term benefit from your in-laws generosity?

It's easy to say they should not have let you have the house unless they were willing to take the risk of you waltzing off with half on divorce. On the other hand perhaps you shouldn't have taken the advantage of a free roof and also expected a long term interest.

There are plenty of alternative routes that would have given OP no interest at all in the property (e.g. own in his name and let to OP and OH as tenants on an AST or as excluded occupiers). Future FIL chose not to do so.

He has given an interest in the home to future-husband and, as part an parcel of the marriage, that interest is shared with a future wife.

I don't read anything from OP that suggests that she wants to claim on the house in a divorce, but that she is concerned about a prenup, concerned about a husband who always does what dad says and concerned about how this arrangement will affect her and her kids if something goes wrong.

I suspect that future FIL is trying to avoid some taxes and the impending marriage has spoiled his master plan.

CH27

twojaystwokays wrote: »

Thanks for all your help, much appreciated.
In reply to Mrs Bones I think you are right but in my partners defence his dad is very controlling and incredibly manipulative which is the main reason we do not get on, he hates the fact that I dont jump when he says so.
I think the whole pre-nup thing is a test, I really think he wants me to kick off and for me and my partner to have a massive row about it and I am determined not to do either, I do feel let down though.
I am more worried about the implications for me and my older two children.
He originally bought the house when I was pregnant with the fourth child and in retrospect I just got carried away with moving to a bigger house in a nice area and did not think about the possible downfalls. I blame my hormones.
We can not afford to buy him out, I work part time and my partner is on minimum wage.

You can't have it all ways.

Either stay in the house & be controlled for the rest of your FIL's life or from beyond the grave or move out & pay your own way.
Go full time and/or your OH get a better job.

warehouse

After seeing many of my friends literally dragged through the dirt and left absolutely penniless and almost destitute by ex wives, not to mention the h*ll they've been put through to access their own children, then I can totally see why this has happened.

Please don't think this is against you OP, but when couples divorce the woman has all the power, the courts side with them every single time, they get everything and the ex-husband gets nothing, (where children are involved).

OP, I can honestly say that in your future FiL's position I'd be very inclined to do the same if I'd setup home for my son, and again I apologise if it sounds harsh, I'm just being honest. If there have been rows between you and you future FiL then it just compounds my own thoughts.

Don't balme the FiL, blame the gold diggers out there and the scumbag lawyers who represent them.

sulkisu

If you owned a house etc, when you met your partner, why are you both now living in a house bought and paid for by his parents?


I understand that you are upset, but I can also see his father's point of view (although I don't necessarily agree with it). Surely the answer is for the both of you to stand on your own two feet - get your own house and live financially free from his parents. If you are both happy to take what he is giving, then you can't really complain about the conditions attached.

Mojisola

twojaystwokays wrote: »

in my partners defence his dad is very controlling and incredibly manipulative which is the main reason we do not get on, he hates the fact that I dont jump when he says so.

You must really love this man - I couldn't stay with someone who didn't have the guts to be a man in his own right. If it comes to a choice between you and his Dad, who will he side with?