Pre-nup wanted by future in laws

Person_one

Seanymph wrote: »

surely though everyone is missing the point -

she isn't marrying the blessed father in law to be.

She is marrying a guy without his own pot to pee in...

His FATHER is looking to protect HIS asset. So it isn't about meaning or not meaning vows - because his son is marrying her doesn't mean the FIL has to provide her with a house on divorce.

And hearts and flowers are lovely, but so is a dose of realism - people end up in terrible pickles giving up everything for love when it doesn't work out.

Presumbly no one on here banging the 'if he loved you' drum doesn't have insurance either?

Things go wrong - relationships break down - people pass away unexpectedly.

I'm sure her husband to be is wholehearted - but is FATHER doesn't have to support her - she has her own house and children already.

But it isn't about commitment - why on earth should this guys father be committed for his son to marry.

This lady is being given a free house to live in, which eventually will pass down to her children.

What's to complain about?

The FATHER needs to accept that if his son chooses to marry this woman, his son has made the decision to become a unit and a family with her, and that any gift he wants to give to the son are now given to both of them.

He doesn't have to give either of them a house, but he can't just give it to one half of a married couple.

Part of this is about their future marriage though, because the OP's partner doesn't seem to realise what the issue is, and is even accusing her of gold digging!

Laurajo_2

The problem is, he already has given the house to the trust. It is therefore not fils asset, but the trusts.

I am no expert on trust law, but do not see why the children cannot be added as beneficiaries to the trust.

It sounds like a very odd set up anyway - if you're paying rent to the father for the property, that would be trust income and tax would be due on it....but if your husband is the beneficiary, presumably he would be entitled to the income? Unless it's a settlor interested trust...I would be very interested to see the trust deed.

twojaystwokays

Hi and thanks for continuing interest. I have spoken to fil and this is what he said.
There is a "family" trust which includes him, his wife, my oh and our two children. In the trust is the house my inlaws live in (which is worth at least three times what this house is worth, an apartment in spain and then there is an "offshot" of the trust with this house in it.The pre-nup is purely for this house (although there was some confusion to this, he said one thing to me and another when my oh came into the conversation).
Now my (limited) understanding of a trust is that my oh can not gain financially until his parents die therefore the argument that fil is protecting his own assets isnt there. He agreed with this in principal but kept saying this was all down to advice from his financial advisor.
He then changed tactic and said that by marrying his son I would automatically be in the "family" trust, therefore giving me rights to claim in the event of divorce, so surely he should be protecting all of the assets and not just this house.
He has a daughter who has married and her husband did not have to sign anything because he trusted her to make that desicion for herself, so why the hell cant he have the same respect for his son and allow him to do the same, and why the hell cant my oh have the backbone to tell him this.
Top and bottom, I need to cut my losses and get away from this situation and concentrate on me and my kids.

sassyblue

twojaystwokays wrote: »

he said one thing to me and another when my oh came into the conversation).


He then changed tactic and said that by marrying his son I would automatically be in the "family" trust, therefore giving me rights to claim in the event of divorce, so surely he should be protecting all of the assets and not just this house.

I bet he changed tack when his son came in the room!

And no, in the event of a divorce you cannot claim from his parents 'family trust'.

I will go back and see what your hubby says to this, your in-laws attitudes stink.

Padstow

For the sake of your relationship and the father to your children, surely it's worth at least a short appointment with a solicitor?
He may say under no circumstances sign, in which case you have your definitive answer.

If you are thinking you may sign, you need a solicitor anyway as on divorce, not only your own house could be added to the pot, but you would also be considered by a court as "already housed."

Mojisola

twojaystwokays wrote: »

There is a "family" trust which includes him, his wife, my oh and our two children. In the trust is the house my inlaws live in (which is worth at least three times what this house is worth, an apartment in spain and then there is an "offshot" of the trust with this house in it. The pre-nup is purely for this house (although there was some confusion to this, he said one thing to me and another when my oh came into the conversation).

He then changed tactic and said that by marrying his son I would automatically be in the "family" trust, therefore giving me rights to claim in the event of divorce, so surely he should be protecting all of the assets and not just this house.

He has a daughter who has married and her husband did not have to sign anything because he trusted her to make that desicion for herself, so why the hell cant he have the same respect for his son and allow him to do the same, and why the hell cant my oh have the backbone to tell him this.

Ask your OH's father to put it all down in writing so that you and your OH can go through his suggestions together.

It doesn't sound as if he thinks much of his son and his decision-making if he didn't demand that his son-in-law sign a pre-nup.

Padstow

Mojisola wrote: »

Ask your OH's father to put it all down in writing so that you and your OH can go through his suggestions together.

It doesn't sound as if he thinks much of his son and his decision-making if he didn't demand that his son-in-law sign a pre-nup.

I wonder if it's because OP already owns a house?

AcidHouse

twojaystwokays wrote: »

Hi and thanks for continuing interest. I have spoken to fil and this is what he said.
There is a "family" trust which includes him, his wife, my oh and our two children. In the trust is the house my inlaws live in (which is worth at least three times what this house is worth, an apartment in spain and then there is an "offshot" of the trust with this house in it.The pre-nup is purely for this house (although there was some confusion to this, he said one thing to me and another when my oh came into the conversation).
Now my (limited) understanding of a trust is that my oh can not gain financially until his parents die therefore the argument that fil is protecting his own assets isnt there. (FIL is protecting his own assets after death if it means he only wants the property left to his son/grandchildren, he's saying that after I'm gone, only blood relatives can gain) He agreed with this in principal but kept saying this was all down to advice from his financial advisor.
He then changed tactic and said that by marrying his son I would automatically be in the "family" trust, therefore giving me rights to claim in the event of divorce, so surely he should be protecting all of the assets and not just this house. (Depends who he's leaving what to - the daughter probably already has a stake on the holiday home if he's basically given a home to live in to his son? I've no idea how trusts work to be honest)
He has a daughter who has married and her husband did not have to sign anything because he trusted her to make that desicion for herself, so why the hell cant he have the same respect for his son and allow him to do the same, (because his son isn't standing on his own two feet financially, but FIL has created that situation by giving him a roof over his head - the son-in-law may come from a well-off family, or it could be that the FIL regrets that the SIL didn't sign anything and is covering his back this time around) and why the hell cant my oh have the backbone to tell him this (because he is leeching off his own dad - your OH can't be in his dad's face on any issues about this, because the roof over his head is from his father and he has a good lifestyle out of it - his dad has him over a barrel).
Top and bottom, I need to cut my losses and get away from this situation and concentrate on me and my kids.

agree with your closing point - you already have your own place so you have proved to the FIL you are more financially sound than his own son is - while I agree that he should protect his assets, I don't think your OH should have put you in this situation by not doing something about getting your own place together to bring up your children in. He must have known this issue would come up sooner or later

duchy

I suspect the OP's OH has never thought about this at all. Why would he as someone else has always provided him with a roof over his head.

Now his Dad is saying to him "If you divorce you will lose that as she'll take half the house" without considering that all assets will be joint and in the current situation if the house is in a trust and the OP's house isn't -the OP would have no rights to the house but her own house could be split 50/50. A lot depends on the terms of the trust but potentially the OP has a lot more to lose than just her current home. Either FIL is being deceptive or he doesn't understand the implications of the trust-either way a lot needs clarifying to protect everyone....pre-nup or not -no-one should be walking into this without knowledge of the implications now the issue has been raised !

CH27

I really think you need to see a solicitor & get it all clear in your head.
Once you have the facts you can decide how to proceed.