Pre-nup wanted by future in laws

Tiddlywinks

Mojisola wrote: »

Because where she and the children are living is the family home.

I'm not having a go at the OP... I'm aware of her circumstances but she is still choosing to live with a man that became violent when she has another house to go to.

In some eyes, it will sort of prove the FIL was right to ask to protect the property.

Money_maker

TBH, you are the one who's getting the lucky escape from your OH. Maybe deep down FIL knows what he's really like.

*max*

twojaystwokays wrote: »

Well surprise surprise, its all gone horribly wrong!!!!!
Oh got drunk on sunday (while looking after one of the kids), when I got home I reacted badly to this (I dont agree in being drunk while at the park with your six year old) Subsequent huge row which the two youngest could hear ending with him putting his foot through the tv and me calling the police.
To cut a long story short, he left before the police arrived (went to the pub), came back three hours later and passed out.
So it looks like fil was right all along and the relationship is now over, I have an appointment with a solicitor on thursday and everyone is thoroughly miserable and upset.
If there is any legal people reading this, if I leave with the children and then he has access to them, what can I do to stop him from keeping them, he is never going to let me have the kids without a massive fight.

twojaystwokays wrote: »

The police did not know he had been drinking in the park with our son, I didnt know until my son told me after they had gone. It isnt the first incident however, last time he took our son with him, very late at night and very drunk. The police had to find them, very long story and yes I know I should have left then.

Am I missing something? Did you have a row because he was drunk while looking after your son in the park....or did you not know he was drunk while looking after your son and if so, what was the row about?

fabforty

Person_one wrote: »

Don't forget that it will now be on record with the police that he was drunk in charge of a young child, and that he was violent and aggressive towards you.

With you being their primary carer, plus his behaviour, I'd be very surprised if he was able to get residency against your will.

It would be a good idea to speak to Women's Aid, you shouldn't have to live in fear, they will be able to advise you on how to keep you and your children safe:

0808 2000 247

http://www.womensaid.org.uk/default.asp

From OP's description, the care was shared as she said he the primary carer when he was out of work (which I gathered was quite frequent). Also she didn't say that he was 'violent and aggressive towards her', he took it out on the tv. I'm not making excuses for him but it sometimes feels that if a woman smashes something during an argument - we think nothing of it, if a man does it, we all shout DV. OP doesn't sound like a woman living in fear. !!!!ed off and angry? Yes. Scared? No.

Tiddlywinks

fabforty wrote: »

..... Also she didn't say that he was 'violent and aggressive towards her', he took it out on the tv. I'm not making excuses for him but it sometimes feels that if a woman smashes something during an argument - we think nothing of it, if a man does it, we all shout DV. OP doesn't sound like a woman living in fear. !!!!ed off and angry? Yes. Scared? No.

The situation caused her to call the police - calculating or scared? Only the OP knows the answer to that.

However, I am surprised that she is still living with him given that she does have somewhere else to go.

As an aside... the OP did say this way back at the beginning of the thread.

twojaystwokays wrote: »

I am inclined to sign it but have a clause saying that if the marriage breaks down due to ohs infidelity, abuse or violence then the pre-nup is void and then get oh to do a will that somehow helps me if the worst happens.
Does this sound fair, I dont see why I should be left homeless if he cheats on me.
I hate the way I am thinking like this when all I want to do is plan my wedding (which we are paying for ourselves)

Did she suspect, deep down, that he was capable of aggression?

Did her FIL suspect that the relationship was in danger of breakdown and didn't want to risk the property?

Seanymph

Perhaps she knew the breakdown was coming and is after staying in the FIL's house - was worried a pre-nup would mean she couldn't...

I_know_my_ABC_and_my_CMYK

twojaystwokays wrote: »

Just a quick update, I am really grateful to everyone who has took time to advice (even the people who have said things that I maybe did not want to hear, but isnt that the point of doing this)
I suggested to my oh that we stay as we are (dont get married) then I cant be accused of marrying him for his money or house etc. He took this badly and basically said it sounds like I was after the house all along!!!!!!!!!!!
He also said his dad cant take his name off the trust and put it in the childrens name because they are under 18, anyone able to help me on this one.
I am thinking of going to stay with my eldest for a while with the kids just to sort my head out and see if it is feasible for us all to live there, the relationship is at rock bottom right now and I think a lot of nasty things could be said.
I know by doing this I am doing exactly what my fil wants but some battles are not worth winning and mine and my four childrens happiness is the important thing, not the bloody house.

I have been in your position when I was getting married 30 years ago now only I didn't have the luxury of another house to fall back on. We lasted 13 years and then I left him.

I couldn't take anymore. His parents would come into the house when ever they wanted, they went though drawers, they moved my kitchen cupboards around, Opened the mail, amongst allot of other things.

They were here in the house most evenings until I put my foot down but I couldn't get rid of them on every Saturday and Sunday.

If we decided to go out for the day they had to come with us. When I had my son his mother took over. She was here very day taking him out or down to their house, Allot of people may have been grateful for this but it took my confidence away and I just wanted them to disappear in a great big hole.

It got the point that I couldn't take it anymore so I walked out on him. We were living over seas at the time and I just booked a flight home. His parents had damaged our relationship to the point where we couldn't even hold a conversation anymore. I ended up buying the house off him as he was going to sell it from under my feet.

I ended up hating them.

Personally I would run for the hills as fast as I could no matter how long I had been with that person, but i would never marry again.

Good luck with what you decide.:)

saving2704

msb5262 wrote: »

I'd tell the parents in law to do one - it's none of their business, and given the length of time you've been together, it would probably have very little standing in law.

Agreed. What FIL is failing to see here is that you'd have a claim on the property by now anyway as you have been co-habitating for so long.

I agree with pre-nups in general (I wish I had had one to save myself from my expensive divorce) - however - that's for you and your fiance to decide, no one else, certainly not FIL.

Georgiegirl256

saving2704 wrote: »

Agreed. What FIL is failing to see here is that you'd have a claim on the property by now anyway as you have been co-habitating for so long.

How would she?

Unless the property is co-owned, an unmarried partner can legally make no claim on a property even if they have lived there for years.

fabforty

saving2704 wrote: »

Agreed. What FIL is failing to see here is that you'd have a claim on the property by now anyway as you have been co-habitating for so long.

I agree with pre-nups in general (I wish I had had one to save myself from my expensive divorce) - however - that's for you and your fiance to decide, no one else, certainly not FIL.

I think you have missed the crucial fact of this thread - which is that the house belongs to FIL, not OP or her partner.