Pre-nup wanted by future in laws

lauroar

twojaystwokays wrote: »

we are never financially secure for long enough to rent and I dont think a bank would touch us with a bargepole. My eldest is studying full time so couldnt afford to move out and the thought of us all moving back into my old house is pretty depressing although feasable.

:eek: How do you imagine people cope when their in-laws don't have a spare house to let them live in for free as well as their own mortgaged house for their grown up child to live in for free?!

Tiddlywinks

twojaystwokays wrote: »

I am sorry if it sounds like I am bleating.
I only wanted some advice and some ideas, a big thank you for all the different opinions. I now have a big list of things that I need to research and questions I need to ask.
I could easily take responsibility for myself but with four children at different schools, colleges etc and another half who admittedly is on the weak side but who I love and is a fantastic dad, its not that easy.

Oh come on...

YOU chose to have four children.

YOU chose that man as a father to your children.

Stop playing the victim card - you are in this position because you placed yourself there.

Time for your family unit to stand on its own OR accept that old adage "he who pays the piper......".

Move and choose your own life or accept the property and dance to your FIL's tune!

You have choices... You've always had choices.

sulkisu

twojaystwokays wrote: »

I came on here for some advice and ideas, and I am listening to the advice.
Until it was asked of me I had never even thought of a pre-nup so it was a bit of a shock which is why I wanted independant opinions.
When I say I am happy to sign it, I am prepared to sign it but reluctant because I feel like I said earlier it then splits our family into two.
Our wedding is very small and very cheap and yes I know I am lucky to have a nice house to live in but it has come at a price.
I am made to feel like a bad parent by my inlaws when I have suggested that we move somewhere else or try and get a mortgage and buy this house. My fil is very clever, telling me how settled they are here and how happy they are and if we got a mortgage or rented somewhere else and my oh became out of work again (which happens regularly, he is a labourer and work tends to be weather related) what we would we do then.
Believe me, these are not excuses, I am trying to do the best for all my children and if me,my oh and all my children could move hundreds of miles away, right now I would.

I'm sorry but they do just sound like excuses.


If OH is unable to support his family on seasonal work, he needs to find a new job. I'm not saying it will be easy, but as he is on MW it shouldn't be too hard to find something to replace it - as long as it is full-time and permanent, you should be better off. You say that you have four hildren going to different schools, so if all four children are at shool, you can work as well.


Your eldest son and his girlfriend can afford to move out of your house. They will have access to student finance, p/t work and together should be able to afford a double room in shared accommodation. At the very least, he won't grow up with the same sense of dependancy that you and your husband both seem to have. If you really wanted to move away, I wonder what is stopping you. Use your wedding fund and get out, or just sign the pre-nup.

System

You've had it easy for too long. Wish I'd got the choice of 2 homes.... believe me at this moment in time I would have bailed out about 2 months ago.

pollypenny

I've been thinking about your situation, OP. Your FIL probably sees himself as subsidising your son and his GF.

Time to get real.

GobbledyGook

I personally think some people are being very harsh on the OP. Yes she's in a better situation that some, but no-one put a gun to FIL's head and insisted he house his son. He did so because he wanted too. If he is unhappy with the situation now then he has to take some responsibility for not thinking about protecting his investment before he made the decision to take it out of his name.

I bought my cousin a house because she is like a sister to me and I could. I done it and I hope that she and her husband will be sensible with money (which they are) and take the opportunity in the same way I have so that their and their children's future is secure. I wouldn't dream of going back now and saying 'oh btw see that thing I CHOSE to do for you and you accepted at the time? Well I want to add more strings to it.'

Changing the terms of something you've done for someone is unfair and the FIL needs to carry some of the blame for the uncomfortable situation now for not thinking things through BEFORE offering his son and his family the house and before HE made the decision not to keep that house in his name.

Bennifred

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I personally think some people are being very harsh on the OP. Yes she's in a better situation that some, but no-one put a gun to FIL's head and insisted he house his son. He did so because he wanted too. If he is unhappy with the situation now then he has to take some responsibility for not thinking about protecting his investment before he made the decision to take it out of his name.

I bought my cousin a house because she is like a sister to me and I could. I done it and I hope that she and her husband will be sensible with money (which they are) and take the opportunity in the same way I have so that their and their children's future is secure. I wouldn't dream of going back now and saying 'oh btw see that thing I CHOSE to do for you and you accepted at the time? Well I want to add more strings to it.'

Changing the terms of something you've done for someone is unfair and the FIL needs to carry some of the blame for the uncomfortable situation now for not thinking things through BEFORE offering his son and his family the house and before HE made the decision not to keep that house in his name.

This is true, but the OP cannot change how her FIL thinks/acts - she can only change what she does. Only she knows whether she feels strongly enough about the situation to do something about it.

OP - if your eldest is old enough to be living with his girlfriend, he is old enough to get student loans etc and move into a shared house, which is what normal students do. You don't need to be financially supporting him and his situation is not an excuse not to fix your own situation.

Tiddlywinks

GoobledyGook - Nowhere near the same situation as you buying for your cousin.

The FIL isn't adding more strings to the house... The OP is getting married so she and her OH are making changes that might impact on the FILs finances.

I don't blame him for wanting clarity about the house as their marriage will introduce more 'rights' for the OP.

If the OP doesn't like someone else having an interest then why accept use of the house in the first place?

Amara

Im not british orgin and in my country pre-nubs are binding. When my brother married, my parents bought him a flat , but wrote statement at solicitor, they gave it to my brother only, not anybody else. Fifteen years later they're still together, have to children, she enjoys mortgage or rent-free life, should they divorce she still will be entitled to half of money they both work together for- just not the money my parents work for. How that supposed to be unfair?

Georgiegirl256

Amara wrote: »

Im not british orgin and in my country pre-nubs are binding. When my brother married, my parents bought him a flat , but wrote statement at solicitor, they gave it to my brother only, not anybody else. Fifteen years later they're still together, have to children, she enjoys mortgage or rent-free life, should they divorce she still will be entitled to half of money they both work together for- just not the money my parents work for. How that supposed to be unfair?

It isn't, it seems perfectly fair to me.