Pre-nup wanted by future in laws

GobbledyGook

daisiegg wrote: »

From what I can gather,they don't pay rent. OP says she would, but fil want it in cash, and she refuses to do that, so they very conveniently pay no rent.

Either way the FIL wants cash to dodge tax so if he's decided that rather than pay tax he'd rather let them live there rent free then that is his choice.

He didn't have to buy the house, he didn't have to let them live rent free to save a bit of tax and he didn't have to put the house into trust. He could protect his investment by keeping it in his own name and dealing with any passing on of it in his will.

So whilst the OP may have other choices the FIL also does and if the OP and her husband don't want to sign a pre-nup then as the couple marrying that should be their call.

itzmee

twojaystwokays wrote: »

I am made to feel like a bad parent by my inlaws when I have suggested that we move somewhere else or try and get a mortgage and buy this house. My fil is very clever, telling me how settled they are here and how happy they are and if we got a mortgage or rented somewhere else and my oh became out of work again (which happens regularly, he is a labourer and work tends to be weather related) what we would we do then.

Your fil is being clever here, he is using your children to control you all, and you need to stand up to him. You could point out to him that by moving and buying/renting your own place that you are setting an example to your children. You are showing that hard work pays off and is the normal way of life, rather than having it handed to you on a plate. Children are resilient and will settle easily especially if they are young enough.

twojaystwokays

You are right, but I think I am scared because he is right, we are never financially secure for long enough to rent and I dont think a bank would touch us with a bargepole. My eldest is studying full time so couldnt afford to move out and the thought of us all moving back into my old house is pretty depressing although feasable.
I know that my fil would easily convince my oh that it would be ludicrous for us to even think about moving when he has done us a massive favour and make him feel really guilty for even suggesting it.
I feel like he has us over a barrel ( admittedly to the outside it seems like a very comfortable barrel to some people) but it doesnt sit right with me.
I have always worked hard, paid my way and supported my family for quite a long time on my own, which is probably why I resent being made to feel like a gold digger.

Mojisola

twojaystwokays wrote: »

I know that my fil would easily convince my oh that it would be ludicrous for us to even think about moving when he has done us a massive favour and make him feel really guilty for even suggesting it.

I have always worked hard, paid my way and supported my family for quite a long time on my own, which is probably why I resent being made to feel like a gold digger.

It's a great shame the FIL didn't instil the same kind of ethics into his son.

If you rented and your OH was out of work for a while, you could claim benefits to help with the rent. You can put a variety of scenarios into a benefit checker (like https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/family/benefits-check) to see what you might be entitled to.

twojaystwokays

Hit the nail on the head, fil doesnt work (due to an accident) and doesnt seem bothered when oh has long periods out of work (this is when I support us on my own), which I think is mainly the reason I feel so hurt by all this.

GobbledyGook

You need to sit down with your OH and decide what you two, as a couple and parents, want to do.

If your OH can't or won't stand up to his father then do you really want to increase your ties to him and his family?

Tiddlywinks

Time to take some responsibility for your own life!

Stop bleating about your controlling FIL when he is subsidising your lifestyle by providing the family home.

He hasn't forced you to live there - you have free will.

Stop complaining about your OH when YOU have chosen to have two children with him. YOU have decided he's husband and father material even though, from what you've described, he is spineless and unsupportive.

YOU made this life for yourself - don't like it? Do something about it.

Stop acting like the victim and take some responsibility for your own actions.

System

My eldest is studying full time so couldnt afford to move out and the thought of us all moving back into my old house is pretty depressing although feasable.

.... but the whole situation is pretty depressing is it not?

I know that my fil would easily convince my oh that it would be ludicrous for us to even think about moving when he has done us a massive favour and make him feel really guilty for even suggesting it.

Easy... just tell him your leaving simple. I take it all your furniture is still on your old house? If it is you wont need to move.

Prothet_of_Doom

Okay, your other half works freelance, so what? Lots of people are self employed, or on temporary contracts and can survive. The benefit and tax system is quite helpful to those that try. Maybe having a back up plan for between jobs is something you work on together. The bloke who did my loft conversion explained that he got into it becuase he had no work, and a mate needed a loft window fitting. He now does 20 lofts a year, and has a 10 week waiting list.

The other way to remove the control is to find your own place, and pay for it yourselves. Until that happens then you are LETTING the control happen.

twojaystwokays

I am sorry if it sounds like I am bleating.
I only wanted some advice and some ideas, a big thank you for all the different opinions. I now have a big list of things that I need to research and questions I need to ask.
I could easily take responsibility for myself but with four children at different schools, colleges etc and another half who admittedly is on the weak side but who I love and is a fantastic dad, its not that easy.