How to cope with being unlikeable

harrys_nan

I can relate to the things being said on this thread as well,Iv'e never really had close friends, part of my trouble stems from my childhood. I never made friends around the school gate as my daughter does as I had to work so never got to pick my kids up from school. She has made loads of friends this way.
I moved away from my hometown at 21, so lost touch with ppl I went to school with.
I think I'm ok at talking to people, I will and do talk to anyone, I know a lot of people where I live now, but still cannot make any friends, I get very sad now especially living away from family

Notsosharp

harrys_nan wrote: »

I can relate to the things being said on this thread as well,Iv'e never really had close friends, part of my trouble stems from my childhood. I never made friends around the school gate as my daughter does as I had to work so never got to pick my kids up from school. She has made loads of friends this way.
I moved away from my hometown at 21, so lost touch with ppl I went to school with.
I think I'm ok at talking to people, I will and do talk to anyone, I know a lot of people where I live now, but still cannot make any friends, I get very sad now especially living away from family

I'm like that too but only if people initiate the conversation, having said that sometimes I cannot wait to get away from the conversation and I can feel the tension mounting up. I'm not sure why I'm like this, just having a conversation with someone isn't going to hurt me!

tiger_eyes

Callie22 wrote: »

One thing that did help me was that I had to take a Myers-Briggs test for work (google it, there's loads of free ones online) and the result I got described my personality to an absolute t. It really helped me to see myself as something other than 'weird' - to know that there were reasons why other people didn't 'get' me and there were positive aspects to what I am was a big help in seeing myself more positively. It's easy to get into a loop of thinking that you are fundamentally unlikeable when you're not, you're just different.

INTJ, by any chance?

Notsosharp

tiger_eyes wrote: »

INTJ, by any chance?

I was, for a rare type there sure is a lot of us about!

SnowyOwl_2

I am an INTJ too.

Molly41

I used to have all the social skills as I worked in the NHS for 30 years and was always kind and compassionate. Now I can't be bothered as Im retired on ill health - so much social stuff is just superficial and I can tell a genuine nurse or doctor at 100 paces x

Lego_house

This thread has really struck a chord with me. I find it very difficult to make friends, and always have done. I will do anything not to "see" someone I know in case they want to speak to me (and these are people that I know reasonably well from work or through my child's school). I cannot do small talk. I can hear my mind saying over and over again "How are you/how was your holiday/where did you get those shoes?" but my mouth won't say the words and then it's too late and the moment has gone.

I am my worst enemy here as I want to have friends so I can say "lets go for a coffee" etc but I just can't do it.

I'm OK chatting at a distance, online forums and by email/text etc but I feel too self conscious in public.

If I see someone I know outside of work and I'm walking towards them I feel like my body has inflated like the Michelin Man and I know if I open my mouth nothing but "burble burble" would come out or my voice would just disappear totally to a squeak.

At work I am a confident and assertive team leader. Yes, I motivate and encourage my team! I think that's because there's rules and procedures to follow but in a purely social atmosphere I feel very uncomfortable and make an excuse to go home asap. At home my only company is the radio. I would be mad cat woman if I wasn't allergic to them!

I hate being socially inept. It does make me feel sad. I'm in my late 40s and can't ever see this improving.

iamashoppingaddict

Like other posters this really strikes a cord with me. I don't really 'do' other people. I'm more often quite happy in my own company but then I sometimes get really lonely and wish I had someone to talk to.

I do have an OH but he doesn't do talking much which is annoying when sometimes all I want to do is talk!! Mental isn't it.

I am good one to one, or with just a few people. Any more than say 3 and I panic and clam up.

I don't really have any friends, I have work colleagues and my best friend but other than that I don't have anyone else. Which I find sad sometimes.

I was bullied quite a lot in high school and I spend most of my time trying to fit in and then not understanding when one day I was in and the next day I wasn't. I could never work out what I'd done wrong. With hindsight I'd done nothing wrong and they were the people who had a problem, but its never quite left me.

lostinrates

Molly41 wrote: »

I used to have all the social skills as I worked in the NHS for 30 years and was always kind and compassionate. Now I can't be bothered as Im retired on ill health - so much social stuff is just superficial and I can tell a genuine nurse or doctor at 100 paces x

What do you I mean by a genuine nurse or doctor? :eek:


I am iatrobobic and I've been coping just fine with my hospital trips for about 18 months but hit a wall recently (no other 'Social' phobia and have had to cancel a hospital appt for next week) I just cannot face it ATM., I wouldn't even say its a fear, its a supreme distrust. .

System

I do have an OH but he doesn't do talking much which is annoying when sometimes all I want to do is talk!!

Does he listen though?