How to cope with being unlikeable

Notsosharp

The title says it all really....

I have never been a popular person and throughout my life I have always felt misunderstood and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere or with anyone.

I know that I have many faults, but I don't think they are worse than anyone else's but I feel that my faults outweigh my good points.

The worse thing is most of the time I go out of my way to be nice (and I think generally I'm not a nasty or vindictive person) but I end up failing to fit in anyway. I end up getting described as shallow or attention seeking (even though drawing attention to myself is the last thing I want), or stand offish, rude and cold and because of this people end up not bothering with me (although because I am aware of this now I try my best not to be). I will admit I can't always be bothered and I end up thinking why can't people just see beyond that? But this is combined with the fact that I am scared to be more "open" with people and show more of myself because I think I am a bit odd and I worry they will end up feeling the same.

I am none of these things not really (though possibly a bit odd but who isn't in some way) but I'm not very good at "small talk", (get me talking about something I am passionate about and I can talk for hours) and I am not very good at mixing in social situations, I don't have any social phobia and I will go out but I am happier mixing with one or two people at a time.

So I guess the question is how to cope with being seen as unlikeable and being alone quite a lot of the time.

senileturtle

Notsosharp wrote: »

The title says it all really....

I have never been a popular person and throughout my life I have always felt misunderstood and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere or with anyone.

I know that I have many faults, but I don't think they are worse than anyone else's but I feel that my faults outweigh my good points.

The worse thing is most of the time I go out of my way to be nice (and I think generally I'm not a nasty or vindictive person) but I end up failing to fit in anyway. I end up getting described as shallow or attention seeking (even though drawing attention to myself is the last thing I want), or stand offish, rude and cold and because of this people end up not bothering with me (although because I am aware of this now I try my best not to be). I will admit I can't always be bothered and I end up thinking why can't people just see beyond that? But this is combined with the fact that I am scared to be more "open" with people and show more of myself because I think I am a bit odd and I worry they will end up feeling the same.

I am none of these things not really (though possibly a bit odd but who isn't in some way) but I'm not very good at "small talk", (get me talking about something I am passionate about and I can talk for hours) and I am not very good at mixing in social situations, I don't have any social phobia and I will go out but I am happier mixing with one or two people at a time.

So I guess the question is how to cope with being seen as unlikeable and being alone quite a lot of the time.

Sounds like me. Often I have done the right thing or be nice and it just gets thrown back in my face. I think the saying "nice guys finish last" is rather apt sometimes.

Blackpool_Saver

Well, you have been thanked nearly 5,000 times on your posts in here so you must have something going for you.
I am sorry you feel this way, it's brave to come right out and say it.
I often feel like I don't fit in/can't relate but for me it is my childhood/past that causes those feelings.

SnowyOwl_2

I get the same! I'm 47 and feel an outcast by most people failing to get into cliques at work, being called a snob, an oddball, a loner (by a GP, ficking cow), getting into knots of anxiety when invited to parties (not that many parties, lol). A book recently caught my eye - it's about introverts and introversion, which I suspect is the real reason you, me and a whole heap of others are having problems. OK, so I haven't read the book but it's on my list of things to do, but you might find it useful Quiet

DannyBo

Notsosharp wrote: »

The title says it all really....

I have never been a popular person and throughout my life I have always felt misunderstood and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere or with anyone.

I know that I have many faults, but I don't think they are worse than anyone else's but I feel that my faults outweigh my good points.

The worse thing is most of the time I go out of my way to be nice (and I think generally I'm not a nasty or vindictive person) but I end up failing to fit in anyway. I end up getting described as shallow or attention seeking (even though drawing attention to myself is the last thing I want), or stand offish, rude and cold and because of this people end up not bothering with me (although because I am aware of this now I try my best not to be). I will admit I can't always be bothered and I end up thinking why can't people just see beyond that? But this is combined with the fact that I am scared to be more "open" with people and show more of myself because I think I am a bit odd and I worry they will end up feeling the same.

I am none of these things not really (though possibly a bit odd but who isn't in some way) but I'm not very good at "small talk", (get me talking about something I am passionate about and I can talk for hours) and I am not very good at mixing in social situations, I don't have any social phobia and I will go out but I am happier mixing with one or two people at a time.

So I guess the question is how to cope with being seen as unlikeable and being alone quite a lot of the time.

Why would you give a crap? Unpopular re. The masses? And then?
There's no barometer - become a cheerleader clone, say what everyone wants to hear, bake cakes for them... Meh! Don't judge yourself by the amount of people YOU think care for you - quality, not quantity dear....

I enjoy your posts... Don't be down

DannyBo

As an add on: your rat loves you (in their own way) your cats do too... Who gives a stuff about this particular species? (who can just about work a keyboard)

Go your own way - you'll only attract decent folk that way.

Night x

1sue23

And your mum loves you just as you are .

Rev

I freely admit to being stand offish and generally anti social.

How do I cope? I couldn't give a flying toss what people's opinions of me are. They can think what they like.

I have my friends, if I make more friends, great, if I don't, great.

I couldn't care less either way. I don't want to fit in.

1sue23

Rev you are spot on

Sam_Fallow

Rev wrote: »

I freely admit to being stand offish and generally anti social.

Me too, I find it saves a lot of time.

Think about this...

“Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.”
― John Wooden

1sue23

I have found the older I get the less I care what people think .