How to cope with being unlikeable

marvin

exactly the same as me but my problem is I don't give a damn like me want to be around me great if you don't well your loss, is my attitude.

I refuse to do things just to be popular and have false friends, the one thing I do know is the few who have bothered to get to know me are true friends.

The only time something like this matters is if it matters to the individual who is not being accepted, then it can be sad and in some cases tragic.

Thing is I have now found a wife who is also the same and we are blissfully happy together in our semi isolation.

Be happy in yourself and if others want to join in good for them.

BritAbroad

I can relate to this. My problem is that I'm lonely, isolated a lot of the time and it's getting worse. I have some friends, but I'm lucky if I see them once a week and they're becoming more distant. I want to feel I belong but I don't - I've never fitted in anywhere. I've tried going to the gym, clubs, volunteering, but making friends is proving impossible.

I admire people who just don't care what other people think of them. I care too much. I've also realised that there are plenty of folk who are more than happy to ask favours but are less willing to reciprocate. So this year I'm taking steps to be less accommodating, unless it's a dire emergency there will be no favours.

dibuzz

I could have written that myself.
My only friend is now in a care home and apart from my eldest my kids hate me.

Tiglath

I also recommend the Susan Cain book that someone linked to - it's okay to not be an extrovert. I find people exhausting and pretty much always prefer to be on my own.

Brenny

Notsosharp wrote: »

The title says it all really....

I'm not very good at "small talk", (get me talking about something I am passionate about and I can talk for hours)

A lot of what you said sounds like symptoms of aspergers...... But, as someone said, look at all the thanks you have. That counts for a lot.

prowla

My previous significant other used to tell me that nobody liked me.

Since we split, nobody has told me that, and I'm rather happy.

mcja

I am the same as PP's and feel the same as you. I make myself I'll before social events, even days out with my parents lead to being on and off the loo before we go, I avoid parties including family ones as I'm the one sat on my own in the corner while everyone else is making small talk.
As me about the kids, or something I know and I'm fine but I run out of things at "good thanks, and you"?.

I volunteer in a school, LBS as a 1:2:1, can chat to CEOs and have organised functions for 1500 but I have lost 'friends ' because I am so blunt.

My friends I have now are my friends, they know me and my ways. My kids, hubby and family love me, and that's enough for me.

marisco_2

Trying too hard to get on the right side of others and to be accepted by them only results in losing your real self. If you are true to yourself, you will automatically deter those people who don't belong in your life. The ones that you feel don't like you, are not your people. They're not the ones who will love and appreciate the unique person that you are. They wont ever be there to support you, understand you, cheer you on or see you through the tough times.

The great side to deterring the wrong people from your life is that you're creating space for the right people. There's no room for those you could have a great connection with to come into your life if you're wasting time with the wrong crowd. There's no space for the right guy to show up if you're spending too much time trying to impress Joe-Schmo, who's going to ditch you anyways when you finally reveal your true self.

As others have said you are popular on here so there is plenty about you to like and value. Start believing in that.

lostinrates

Notsosharp wrote: »

The title says it all really....

I have never been a popular person and throughout my life I have always felt misunderstood and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere or with anyone.

I know that I have many faults, but I don't think they are worse than anyone else's but I feel that my faults outweigh my good points.

The worse thing is most of the time I go out of my way to be nice (and I think generally I'm not a nasty or vindictive person) but I end up failing to fit in anyway. I end up getting described as shallow or attention seeking (even though drawing attention to myself is the last thing I want), or stand offish, rude and cold and because of this people end up not bothering with me (although because I am aware of this now I try my best not to be). I will admit I can't always be bothered and I end up thinking why can't people just see beyond that? But this is combined with the fact that I am scared to be more "open" with people and show more of myself because I think I am a bit odd and I worry they will end up feeling the same.

I am none of these things not really (though possibly a bit odd but who isn't in some way) but I'm not very good at "small talk", (get me talking about something I am passionate about and I can talk for hours) and I am not very good at mixing in social situations, I don't have any social phobia and I will go out but I am happier mixing with one or two people at a time.

So I guess the question is how to cope with being seen as unlikeable and being alone quite a lot of the time.

Maybe some of the people you are mixing with aren't terrible inclusive or likeable themselves and that's why they aren't being so warm towards you? There is no value in being liked by people who once you have won them over you are able to see more clearly: you will gain no self esteem from this longer term.

What is it you are passionate about? Can you meet people through those things and feel liked, and like, people you meet that way.

determined_new_ms

I think this stems from low self esteem. I have low self esteem myself and at times have felt very isolated, lonely and estranged from people. As I have invested in things that have brought me real joy (hobbies, interests, doing things I really enjoy & can throw myself into) I have cared less what people think of me and then have fitted in better