How to cope with being unlikeable

MrsAtobe

Can I join your miserable old gits club please? I worked for donkey's year in IT desktop support, and having to be polite and pleasant and smiley all day has really drained me of any 'I want to be sociable with everyone' feelings. I can make small talk, I just choose not to. I have been told that I am weird, and a snob, and that the fact that I as a woman will debate things with a man is apparently 'off-putting', but quite frankly the people who told me those things are not people whose opinions I value. Certainly they aren't people whose lives I would want to emulate. As a friend once said to me, you aren't a snob, you just have standards!

Notsosharp

lostinrates wrote: »

Hmm. I think it sounds like people really like you.

Notso sharp, what are the things you are passionate about and would enjoy chatting about?

I'm passionate about a lot of things, music, animals (but I worry I come across as being one of those animal rights nutters), I could slag this Govt off for hours :rotfl:...I used to read a lot and I watch films and listen to Mayo and Kermode's film podcast.

But if something interests me I can talk about pretty much anything just not celebrities or reality TV because it just doesn't interest me!

lostinrates

Notsosharp wrote: »

I'm passionate about a lot of things, music, animals (but I worry I come across as being one of those animal rights nutters), I could slag this Govt off for hours :rotfl:...I used to read a lot and I watch films and listen to Mayo and Kermode's film podcast.

But if something interests me I can talk about pretty much anything just not celebrities or reality TV because it just doesn't interest me!

I'm an ex musician married to someone who was a professional musician and now isn't but still plays a bit and I have a particular interest in animals. I am particularly interested in animal behaviour, welfare and ethics but in a not animal rights sort of way. I am particularly interested in large animal science and how it relates to industry and where welfare can be improved .

Out politics don't match either. . But we could meet where are common ground is and chat?


ATM I have dogs, chickens, cats, geese....um, think that's it. Gosh, hardly any now. My horses both died last year and while we keep looking at others I just cannot get over the grief :o for one in particular and don't know if I want more ever. Phew.....

What about you?

Notsosharp

lostinrates wrote: »

I'm an ex musician married to someone who was a professional musician and now isn't but still plays a bit and I have a particular interest in animals. I am particularly interested in animal behaviour, welfare and ethics but in a not animal rights sort of way. I am particularly interested in large animal science and how it relates to industry and where welfare can be improved .

Out politics don't match either. . But we could meet where are common ground is and chat?


ATM I have dogs, chickens, cats, geese....um, think that's it. Gosh, hardly any now. My horses both died last year and while we keep looking at others I just cannot get over the grief :o for one in particular and don't know if I want more ever. Phew.....

What about you?

I love horses, I've never owned or ridden one though, what kind of horses did you have? I have quite a few animals myself, cats, dogs, some tropical fish and a psychotic rat called Ralph aka killer.

It's OK about the politics thing, my views don't match a lot of people's I think I'm one on my own there!

I'm guessing horses grab hold of your heart just as much as cats or dogs do, probably more so. I've only ever lost one animal (touching wood as I speak) and she was a gorgeous little tabby cat called Holly.

What do you play? I have an accoustic guitar but it only has five strings and it will not stay in tune because the neck isn't level (or so I'm told). I like mostly folk and alternative and I found my musical spiritual home when I discovered six music. Having said that I do like most kinds of music and will give anything at least one listen. What kind do you like?

If I mentioned John Martyn or Nick Drake would you know who I was on about (it's OK if you don't, so far I've only met one person on here who knew who John Martyn was and the lucky so-and-so had seen him live)

lostinrates

Notsosharp wrote: »

I love horses, I've never owned or ridden one though, what kind of horses did you have? I have quite a few animals myself, cats, dogs, some tropical fish and a psychotic rat called Ralph aka killer.

It's OK about the politics thing, my views don't match a lot of people's I think I'm one on my own there!

I'm guessing horses grab hold of your heart just as much as cats or dogs do, probably more so. I've only ever lost one animal (touching wood as I speak) and she was a gorgeous little tabby cat called Holly.

What do you play? I have an accoustic guitar but it only has five strings and it will not stay in tune because the neck isn't level (or so I'm told). I like mostly folk and alternative and I found my musical spiritual home when I discovered six music. Having said that I do like most kinds of music and will give anything at least one listen. What kind do you like?

If I mentioned John Martyn or Nick Drake would you know who I was on about (it's OK if you don't, so far I've only met one person on here who knew who John Martyn was and the lucky so-and-so had seen him live)

Sorry, don't know your musicians . I'm odds and sods music. I had classical training but moved into other things. DH was a jazz musician who plays all sorts professionally. His main instrument is sax, then bass but he pretty much plays anything but drums. ( he's not a great pianist either but he's passable;))

Six music is amazing isn't it! Its made me excited about radio in a way I'd forgotten I could be . I wrote about this else where on mse just last week I think!

The horse I'm having trouble getting over, we'd known each other for 18 years. :eek: I don't feel old enough, but, there it is. I knew the other one was going, but this girl was well but had an accident in the field. I'm glad, because she had a quick end, but....she was a huge part of my life and I sometimes wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing no that she is not in it!

I'll check out your musicians this week.

lillie_put

I think everyone's replies are lovely
I moved here 4 years ago I speak to neighbours we give Christmas cards
I give out seeds from the garden they are all very nice people
but they are not friends they chat to each other more than myself an hubby maybe as he is my carer and doesn't work? they lived here all their lives
we moved 15 miles to here so not far
I am unable to work now I go in the garden weather permitting
I walk when legs let me not to often
I have 3 children 1 lives at home atm in col
my middle son lives in flat where we used to with his girlfriend they found out she is 10 weeks pregnant happy days
eldest son an fianc! live about 90 miles away
I see my husband everyday an youngest son most days
I do get lonely
I live in a village 2 churches I pub which is a mile from my house down very very steep hill worse on way back :rotfl:
been their once No shops
I do understand I really do

keep smiling
love lillie_put

System

I often wonder how I'd feel if hubby died or left me and my son moved out of home.


Although I'm happy by myself now. How would I feel if I was totally alone?


I cant answer that question because I just don't know.

Notsosharp

Judi wrote: »

I often wonder how I'd feel if hubby died or left me and my son moved out of home.


Although I'm happy by myself now. How would I feel if I was totally alone?


I cant answer that question because I just don't know.

That's what scares me, I'm close to my parents now and as awful as it sounds they're not going to be around forever and I can't rely on my brother to keep me company for ever nor my DD.

I don't have a partner so at some point in my life I am probably going to be very lonely.

Notsosharp

lostinrates wrote: »

Sorry, don't know your musicians . I'm odds and sods music. I had classical training but moved into other things. DH was a jazz musician who plays all sorts professionally. His main instrument is sax, then bass but he pretty much plays anything but drums. ( he's not a great pianist either but he's passable;))

Six music is amazing isn't it! Its made me excited about radio in a way I'd forgotten I could be . I wrote about this else where on mse just last week I think!

The horse I'm having trouble getting over, we'd known each other for 18 years. :eek: I don't feel old enough, but, there it is. I knew the other one was going, but this girl was well but had an accident in the field. I'm glad, because she had a quick end, but....she was a huge part of my life and I sometimes wonder why I'm doing what I'm doing no that she is not in it!

I'll check out your musicians this week.

Your OH sounds like he's a brilliant musician, I tend to like any music with a piano in it, isn't the Sax really hard to play?

Six music is amazing, it's opened up my musical horizons no end, I just wish it had been around when I was 14 or 15 and just starting to discover music. They play the two artists I mentioned from time to time, my favourite is Radcliffe and Maconie in the afternoon, they make me laugh so much! My only claim to fame is that I've been on the Chain, I'm trying to get on again though.

I'm sorry about what happened to your horse, it must have been awful to loose her like that. Maybe one day you'll find another horse to fill the gap but it's OK too if you don't.

Bazey

Notsosharp wrote: »

The title says it all really....

I have never been a popular person and throughout my life I have always felt misunderstood and I don't feel like I fit in anywhere or with anyone.

I know that I have many faults, but I don't think they are worse than anyone else's but I feel that my faults outweigh my good points.

The worse thing is most of the time I go out of my way to be nice (and I think generally I'm not a nasty or vindictive person) but I end up failing to fit in anyway. I end up getting described as shallow or attention seeking (even though drawing attention to myself is the last thing I want), or stand offish, rude and cold and because of this people end up not bothering with me (although because I am aware of this now I try my best not to be). I will admit I can't always be bothered and I end up thinking why can't people just see beyond that? But this is combined with the fact that I am scared to be more "open" with people and show more of myself because I think I am a bit odd and I worry they will end up feeling the same.

I am none of these things not really (though possibly a bit odd but who isn't in some way) but I'm not very good at "small talk", (get me talking about something I am passionate about and I can talk for hours) and I am not very good at mixing in social situations, I don't have any social phobia and I will go out but I am happier mixing with one or two people at a time.

So I guess the question is how to cope with being seen as unlikeable and being alone quite a lot of the time.

I like you...and not just because you are hot.