How to cope with being unlikeable

Fen1

I know of several people, children and adults, who feel lonely and would love to have friends. Over the years they have discovered that they have Asperger s to some degree. Asperger s is really very common, but not always diagnosed, especially if the problems are only slight. However, it is this 'slight' bit that can make social interaction so difficult.
From my own personal experience, I would urge anyone with social interaction problems to research Asperger s. There are lots of sites on the internet that can offer information and help.

warwicktiger

Can I join the club please?? Just read the original post and had to read the rest. I work for myself, alone, and so far today the only person I have spoken to is a regular customer cancelling tomorrows job. I must have see every crummy daytime tv film twice by now.

I feel such a failure, marriage, career, everything should be a whole lot better, I am not stupid, I have a high IQ but just cannot apply myself or get on with people

lostinrates

Notsosharp wrote: »

Your OH sounds like he's a brilliant musician, I tend to like any music with a piano in it, isn't the Sax really hard to play? .

One of the easiest to pick up from the beginning, so instant gratification, but hard to get really good. He plays vintage horns. He is really good on a soprano, which some people find hard to get to tune. But he loves his alto. Fairly recently he was given by someone who wanted him to have it a really, really beautiful tenor. Its ATM the favourite, and all the other tenors have been given away to people who are benefitting from them, ATM we are only a five saxophone household I think!

He's ok.

Yes, that's how I feel about six music. Though I admit it took me a while to warm to it. I get dipping in and being out off. But I have heard NEW. exciting music which has made me stop what's I am doing and rejoice ion the new talent and the old I haven't heard.

I find that .....exciting, what I wanted from radio for so long.

System

I think ive developed a low tolerance to 'idiots' if you know what I mean which hasn't helped.

warwicktiger

I've always had a low !!!! tolerance, when I worked for a big company it got me permantly labelled as not a "people person"!

System

warwicktiger wrote: »

I've always had a low !!!! tolerance, when I worked for a big company it got me permantly labelled as not a "people person"!

Oh dear, luckily ive not argued or upset anyone because of my low tolerance, I'd just prefer not to be around them.

rachiibell

I often feel exactly like that too OP. Thanks for posting this thread its very comforting to see that i'm not the only person who feels like this. I have no real advice to give you but i'd just like to wish you all the best x

fairy_lights

I totally agree with everyone who has recommended Susan Cain's book 'Quiet'. I've always known that I'm a pretty extreme Introvert but reading this book has helped my understand why I am this way and all the ways it shapes who I am.
I have extrovert friends who can meet new people and make small talk so easily that they instantly form a connection, I find it so much more difficult and often come away feeling like I've made a bad impression. I want to be friendly but a lot of the time I just don't know what to say! And because I'm an introvert I can happily spend 90% of my time alone, so tend to avoid meeting new people and social situations most of the time. But then I don't make any new friends and as much as I am happy being alone most of the time, I do still crave a social life. I have a few good old friends but when it comes to making new ones I fail miserably.
I wish there was an easy way to connect with people or be likeable, but if there is, I don't know what it is.
As I get older I'm finding that I care less whether people like me though, and I'm starting to think that there is a lot to be said for just being yourself.

marisco_2

warwicktiger wrote: »

I feel such a failure, marriage, career, everything should be a whole lot better, I am not stupid, I have a high IQ but just cannot apply myself or get on with people

Do you feel like you fail every day? As hard as you work, do you seem to get nowhere? Is your career not progressing as you would like? Have relationships fallen apart around you? Is family a nightmare? Is nothing the way it was supposed to be, with other people only too eager to let you know how you have disappointed them? Can you relate to this?

What happens is that after a while, you begin to hear that criticism from yourself. You adopt it as your own. This little voice inside haunts you, telling you that you are not good enough, that you are a failure. Such thoughts are harmful. Thinking so little of yourself can do a lot of damage. When you internalize so much self doubt, your body absorbs it. Muscles will tense, and inflammation will begin to wreak havoc on you. Inside, you can become sick from this. Have you ever noticed that you become ill after a very stressful time? Your body is saying “hey, that’s enough of this. You need a break. Take care of yourself!”

Callie22

I am much the same, but I've kind of reached a point where I really don't care what people think of me. Not in a 'I'm going to go to work naked' way, just in a 'trying to be 'liked' is exhausting and makes me unhappy so I need to think about myself' kind of way.

One thing that did help me was that I had to take a Myers-Briggs test for work (google it, there's loads of free ones online) and the result I got described my personality to an absolute t. It really helped me to see myself as something other than 'weird' - to know that there were reasons why other people didn't 'get' me and there were positive aspects to what I am was a big help in seeing myself more positively. It's easy to get into a loop of thinking that you are fundamentally unlikeable when you're not, you're just different.