How to cope with being unlikeable

Notsosharp

Domayne wrote: »

I'll join your anti-social thread...I might not post too often though *hides in my hermit hole*



I also feel like I can't be bothered too often...and I really hate small talk! I work on a reception desk where the whole building has to walk past me and I find that they say 'good morning' so I say 'good morning' then they say 'how are you?' and I say 'fine thanks and you?' so they take that as an invitation to tell me about the weather (which I really HATE! imagine 100+ people every morning telling you it's raining or shining?! I CAN SEE!) and their life stories and a lot of the time I find...I just don't care? But I try not to be rude so I nod and smile and umm and ahh and ask questions but mostly just let them talk...people like to talk, especially about themselves :rotfl:

That is very true! In fact there was a thread about this in the Arms not so long back.

I'll say what I said there people often think I'm reserved and shy and don't give away a lot about myself, and I always feel like saying yes, that's because I don't get a chance because people just talk about themselves and their own problems to me :eek:

To be fair a lot of the time I don't mind because I enjoy helping people think things through and try and work it out but sometimes it would be nice to talk about something I'm having problems with or even just about something other then the weather or how boring work is!!

marisco_2

Notsosharp wrote: »

I'll say what I said there people often think I'm reserved and shy and don't give away a lot about myself

I find people who are like this interesting. They don't come across to me as lacking or rude in any way. Quite the opposite in fact. I think those who put themselves forward the whole time, and monopolise interactions with mundane small talk lack social skills. I bet if someone took the time to get to know you gradually, and found a topic of conversation which you liked discussing together, they could really enjoy your company.

Domayne

lostinrates wrote: »

Rofl.


I'm actually quite social, but I get tired because of health then feel really anti social :D.


I don't think its unreasonable to socialise in a way that's fair to yourself so long as one accepts soMe times friendships require one to push it a bit when friends need / want our presence. Otherwise others feel friendships are unequal.

I don't think it's unreasonable at all...All of my friendships are like this! We don't talk for weeks/months and then suddenly we do and it's like we never stopped. My best friend who I've been friends with for over 20 years, we are alike in that we are both quite anti-social so we know when each other can't be be bothered so we don't answer the phone and call back a month later or something :rotfl: There are no hard feelings Some friends are quite needy and when your not there all the time, they feel like you don't take the friendship seriously or something? You just have to find some like minded, non demanding people who value your friendship...even when it's from afar

Notsosharp wrote: »

That is very true! In fact there was a thread about this in the Arms not so long back.

I'll say what I said there people often think I'm reserved and shy and don't give away a lot about myself, and I always feel like saying yes, that's because I don't get a chance because people just talk about themselves and their own problems to me :eek:

To be fair a lot of the time I don't mind because I enjoy helping people think things through and try and work it out but sometimes it would be nice to talk about something I'm having problems with or even just about something other then the weather or how boring work is!!

I don't mind either most of the time but sometimes it's just draining I mean...why would they think the security of the building cares about your love life and triangles? They are mostly nice though so I just listen but those days that I can't be bothered to talk the conversation is they say 'good morning' I say 'good morning' they say 'how are you?' and I say 'fine thanks' smile and go back to what I was doing then they don't have the option to tell me anything :rotfl:

lostinrates

Notsosharp wrote: »

That is very true! In fact there was a thread about this in the Arms not so long back.

I'll say what I said there people often think I'm reserved and shy and don't give away a lot about myself, and I always feel like saying yes, that's because I don't get a chance because people just talk about themselves and their own problems to me :eek:

To be fair a lot of the time I don't mind because I enjoy helping people think things through and try and work it out but sometimes it would be nice to talk about something I'm having problems with or even just about something other then the weather or how boring work is!!

Hmm. I think it sounds like people really like you.

Notso sharp, what are the things you are passionate about and would enjoy chatting about?

lostinrates

Domayne wrote: »

I don't mind either most of the time but sometimes it's just draining I mean...why would they think the security of the building cares about your love life and triangles? :rotfl:

I think its because they see you as a person not as 'security of the building'.


DH once got a really odd feed back at work from a peer review under 'needs improvement' saying' overly friendly with support staff'. DH explained he didn't see people as support staff he saw them as 'Jenny who also keeps chickens and he must remember to bring some silkie eggs in for' or 'matt who as well as being great at resource management has great taste in music'. He also suggested that perhaps if his peer reviewer were less rude to support staff he'd find them more supportive and helpful when he weren't making deadlines. dh's work mates are happy to help the 'human' who sees them as one even if its just by letting him stash a bag in a cupboard he's not really meant to use.

Domayne

lostinrates wrote: »

I think its because they see you as a person not as 'security of the building'.DH once got a really odd feed back at work from a peer review under 'needs improvement' saying' overly friendly with support staff'

This is very true...Although we are told not to get too close with the tenants in the building or to tell them certain things by our building managers. On the first site I worked on, I made the mistake of getting too close to some people and having relationships with some guys there, one in particular got really messy so I ended up having to move from day shift to night for the next 3 years which sucked and was awkward so...I do understand to a certain point because as security, you don't really work 'with' people you work 'for' them and there has to be some kind of boundaries...be friendly without being 'friends'?
To be honest, I think this industry is why I'm so anti-social in the first place because I wasn't like this until I started working :rotfl:

barbiedoll

I really don't think it's lack of social skills, I can be sociable and chatty and friendly, it's just I don't always want to be, I'm not being rude I just find it exhausting.

This is the sentence that leapt out at me. I have to be "chatty and friendly" as part of my job, I have to visit complete strangers in their homes. I can be friendly with colleagues if I like them but if I don't, I really can't be arsed. Maybe it is an age thing or maybe I'm just rude but to be honest, I don't really care.

Life is too short to be listening to boring people, unless you're getting paid for it.

As for talking for hours about something that you're passionate about.....why not join a forum/club etc, where you'll find like-minded folk who will listen with interest to what you have to say? That's where I go to let out my inner nerd, I'm a member of (amongst others) an astronomy group, a Dr Who forum, a celeb gossip forum, a FB group for people who grew up in my home town, etc etc etc. There's always someone who likes what you like, you really don't have to listen to colleagues wittering on about Big Brother, Peter Andre and their medical ailments if you don't want to!

Yes, maybe you should start a "Miserable old gits" thread. I'm definitely in!

lostinrates

Domayne wrote: »

This is very true...Although we are told not to get too close with the tenants in the building or to tell them certain things by our building managers. On the first site I worked on, I made the mistake of getting too close to some people and having relationships with some guys there, one in particular got really messy so I ended up having to move from day shift to night for the next 3 years which sucked and was awkward so...I do understand to a certain point because as security, you don't really work 'with' people you work 'for' them and there has to be some kind of boundaries...be friendly without being 'friends'?
To be honest, I think this industry is why I'm so anti-social in the first place because I wasn't like this until I started working :rotfl:

Ah, I see. The people DH was being picked up about were fellow office workers. The other guy was snooty, that's all. . There's no need to treat people you work with as 'lesser' because they are in different roles. Professionally sure, especially how you describe your role, but people don't need to look through you.

Domayne

lostinrates wrote: »

Ah, I see. The people DH was being picked up about were fellow office workers. The other guy was snooty, that's all. . There's no need to treat people you work with as 'lesser' because they are in different roles. Professionally sure, especially how you describe your role, but people don't need to look through you.

No and I'm grateful that the majority don't
There are a few people that walk straight past me like I'm not even here at all, for 3 years have never even looked my way.
It doesn't bother me though - one less person to have to make small talk with! :rotfl:

Anselm

I'm probably stating the obvious, but you should be true to yourself. Rather than try and please everybody, you should ask what do you want.

Essentially, you need to be selfish for your benefit. If you don't want to listen to Sally talk about the most inane things, then don't. It doesn't make you a bad person.