How to cope with being unlikeable

System

I'd second the advice above to read Susan Cain's book 'Quiet'. I found it really informative and it made me think.

seven-day-weekend

You're an introvert and don't 'do' big noisy groups. Nor should you try. There are lots of us around who are energised by the internal rather than the external. Just be yourself. Other introverts (and some extroverts) will like your quiet calmness.

good_advice

It is not always easy, is it?
People only want you as long as you are the one doing the giving.. It is the same here and in most places.

I find people will be all smiles if they want your help but when you need help you get the response do it yourself.

We have to keep plodding on. Fill our time. do some crafts, chat on here.
Sending good wishes.

lostinrates

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

You're an introvert and don't 'do' big noisy groups. Nor should you try. There are lots of us around who are energised by the internal rather than the external. Just be yourself. Other introverts (and some extroverts) will like your quiet calmness.

I'm not sure op shouldn't try necessarily, even if maybe they should change tack, and not set such store by it, and recognise their own value certainly.

But op is specifically saying she (?) seeks more rewarding social contact. That's possible for introverts, extroverts. Its even possible for fairly mean people who have friends:rotfl:

Op has been quite exposing of emotion and presumably genuine and clear communicator. I feel its possible a change ion type of people and places looking could yield results.


Fwiw, I post on two very long running threads here. One of the people on one of the threads has become a very, very dear friend to me, and on the other thread lots of us have met and are friendly. I find I care about them and their children and their lives very lives and feel very touched that they too, care about my life. One of our group is quite socially isolated and I think I'd geographically one of the closest to them and I'm trying to ensure I meet with them at least a couple of times a year in 'the flesh' as well as our daily chats here. She's utterly likeable though described herself as somewhat socially awkward.

If any one had suggested to me years ago I'd make friends on the Internet I'd have died laughing yet its been my experience.

Netwizard

I'm similar. I have a handful of genuinely good friends and that's it.

I'm fairly antisocial but my friends know this, and rather than going to big noisy clubs, we have nights in and enjoy it.

I'm nearly 30 so I'm passed giving a toss what people think! It's true as you get older, you care less! Those that know me are quite happy to be around me and know what i'm like!

There are plenty of people at work who call me Victor, think i'm a grumpy old !!!!!!, and that's fine. I quite often play on it!

I'm just not sure it matters. Don't change who you are. If others don't like you for who you are, you don't want them in your life anyway.

Gorgeestwo

I could have written that post myself, I have very few true friends & generally don't fit in anywhere, I'm very insecure & get very anxious in certain situations, unfortunately since having children I've got worse as I've felt like I've had to try & fit in at school I've put myself into situations I'd rather not, to try & teach myself I've got nothing to get so worried about lol like volunteering at school, helping with PTA etc, tbh it's just made me feel more 'odd' & I'm pretty sure the majority of the parents think I'm either just weird or standoffish.

My husband is very similar, possibly more so I'm 40 this year :eek: & it's only now I feel like I'm learning that it's ok to be me & I need to stop worrying about other peoples perception of me & my family.

Artytarty

Oh me too! I seem to have a knack of alienating people.
I just am who I am and I don't think my faults are necessarily worse than most peoples, I am just not good at hiding them.
Mind you, the older I get the more I realise that I do need friends, I have enought for now but can't afford to lose any!
Basically I am a worrier and people pick on that . I also tend to have strong emotions so if you are my friend I will defend you till the end and likewise if I don't like you, I make a mean enemy but I'm not saying that's a good point. It's really not.

masonsmum

I feel a bit like this sometimes too, I felt I had to try and fit in and wanted people to like me, Im a good person and would do anything I could to help people out but I dont suffer fools and I speak my mind if I have too.

I have now come to a point in my life where I have my husband and my kids, my own family and a few genuine friends who have been there from school. I have tried to fit in with husbands friends and his side of the family and struggled, I find sometimes they want to speak and other times its as if they cant be bothered with me (either all sugar or all s**t) and I have decided Im not trying anymore if they dont like me thats their choice and I am just going to get on with my own life, I too now find myself shying away from social occasions as I find it worrying and I become nervous as to what people think of me.

My time is made up with my family as they are the people, I am at my happiest and most comfortable with and no more making myself ill with worrying whether Im doing or saying the right thing x

Edwardia

Does it matter what other people think, if you know that you're a good person ? If they don't see that and value you, it's their problem not yours.

System

As I'm getting older I am finding it harder to fit into crowds and people I don't know. I don't know why, maybe its a lack of practise as I never had a problem a few years back.

A couple of months ago I went to a reunion, walked through the door and thought to myself "oh heck!" If I hadn't have gone with a friend I think I might have just walked back out again.

I must have made some impression though as I had a flood of invites from Facebook the next day.