How to cope with being unlikeable

System

I saw this and thought I'd share it.

jozxyqk

an9i77 wrote: »

I'm interested in why this gives you high expectations - if let down wouldn't your expectations be lower?

I mean that, because so many people that I have trusted let me down in the past (eg being stood up having made a long journey for a group night out), I demand near-perfection and refuse to be hurt like that again.

This doesn't help my popularity.

top_drawer_2

I have had many social problems - as has been documented on here on occasion. The common themes seem to have been bullied in the past - low self-esteem and difficulties in setting boundries / unhappy childhood / bluntness aka unwillingness to tolerated d i c k h e a d s.

I recently found out that I am a INTJ too - I'm only just starting to do the research towards it, never realised it was so telling. Can anyone recommend any good books? I'm thinking that all of the above are skills which can be learnt (are learnt naturally by others) so its just a case of practise / time / patience?

TD

paulineb_2

Ive been through phases in my life where Ive been very sociable and then very not, life gets in the way sometimes. I didnt socialise at all in 2011 and last year I thought I really do need to get out more so I did. I joined a meet up group, but wasnt really happy with the way it was run so joined a couple more. Went out last night with them, was fine. Even going out twice a month or so is enough for me. Im single, Im quite happy in my own company, also self employed so it can be a bit lonely at times.
I have to say that compared to the year I didnt socialise, I enjoyed last year much more, even if I had to force myself to go out on occasions. I think social contact is important, even if we convince ourselves its not.
I think we can all overthink things. In friendships I always fell into the role of being the one who did all the supporting, I also worked in a job that was stressful, supporting vulnerable people. Lost a few friendships along the way due to various reasons, but made the decision a while back that Id rather have few close mates than loads who didnt really care about me.

Im also a pretty quiet person, Im happy to chat to people, but Im not really fond of being the centre of attention. I think what I learned is that I need to make some effort, people arent just going to knock on my door, but if some friendships arent working, rather than sit and get upset about it, do something about it and move on if need be.

Meet up is a good site, theres loads of different interest groups on there.

gilett

I was the same for a long time. I think it is more an esteem thing with me though..

Netwizard

paulineb wrote: »

Ive been through phases in my life where Ive been very sociable and then very not.

In friendships I always fell into the role of being the one who did all the supporting, I also worked in a job that was stressful, supporting vulnerable people. Lost a few friendships along the way due to various reasons, but made the decision a while back that Id rather have few close mates than loads who didnt really care about me.

Im also a pretty quiet person, Im happy to chat to people, but Im not really fond of being the centre of attention. I think what I learned is that I need to make some effort, people arent just going to knock on my door, but if some friendships arent working, rather than sit and get upset about it, do something about it and move on if need be.

Meet up is a good site, theres loads of different interest groups on there.

Could have wrote that myself too. Nearest meetup to me is a ladies only one and i'm a bloke, so maybe not for me! but i'm lucky that I do have a few good friends, and i'm starting to meet a few friends again that I lost contact with, so all is not too bad at the moment

Bathory

Another introvert here, I've always been quiet - infact probably the quietest person you could meet, (although I don't consider myself shy). This has confused some folk as my choice of music (metal) has always been loud and they don't understand why a loner would listen to that and even go to gigs in the past by herself. I think we live in a world of who can shout the loudest, who is the most popular etc and whilst that is great for some it does not suit everybody.

One thing I get called is 'miserable' as I don't smile enough. I can be as right as rain inside then somebody will pick up on this 'fault' and take it personally. Another thing I get labeled as is 'a weirdo' and, as one person once put it ' a big dark cloud'. However, as I have got older all this no longer bothers me, if I'm weird so be it - nowadays I'd be insulted to be called normal.:)

PlymouthMaid

I have just taken one of those tests and guess what.... yep, INTJ too. We could form our own club but trouble is nobody would turn up for meetings

flossy_splodge

Sam_Fallow wrote: »

Me too, I find it saves a lot of time.

Think about this...

I love your quote. Have nicked it for my own.
Hope you don't mind?:T

Debt_Free_Chick

top_drawer wrote: »

I have had many social problems - as has been documented on here on occasion. The common themes seem to have been bullied in the past - low self-esteem and difficulties in setting boundries / unhappy childhood / bluntness aka unwillingness to tolerated d i c k h e a d s.

I recently found out that I am a INTJ too - I'm only just starting to do the research towards it, never realised it was so telling. Can anyone recommend any good books? I'm thinking that all of the above are skills which can be learnt (are learnt naturally by others) so its just a case of practise / time / patience?

TD

INTP here

Learning skills different to your nature is possible - but only up to a point, IMHO. We all generally "revert to our nature" and especially at stressful times.

FWIW my view is that it's far better to get comfortable with who and what you are. And to accept that there are many people out there without a scrap of empathy, who just "don't get" other people