Getting married and not telling anyone

Person_one

balletshoes wrote: »

absolutely .

So you believe it was wrong for a young couple to be upset that their parents boycotted their wedding?

I bet if somebody posted here in that situation they'd get a lot of sympathetic responses.

balletshoes

Person_one wrote: »

So you believe it was wrong for a young couple to be upset that their parents boycotted their wedding?

I bet if somebody posted here in that situation they'd get a lot of sympathetic responses.

honestly? i just think life's too short (and i stay well away from wedding forums).

Mojisola

Person_one wrote: »

My grandparents parents did not come to their wedding because they disapproved on religious grounds. Everybody seems to think it's ok that they were never fully forgiven for this and that it still upsets my grandmother every year on her anniversary, nearly 60 years later.

Why are feelings so different in that scenario? Based on responses in this thread, it was the parents right, and their choice not to go, and the couple shouldn't have wanted them to do something that made them unhappy, surely?

Person_one wrote: »

So you believe it was wrong for a young couple to be upset that their parents boycotted their wedding?

I bet if somebody posted here in that situation they'd get a lot of sympathetic responses.

I think there's a big difference between not going to a wedding because you can't afford it/don't want to leave children at home/other practical reasons and not going because you don't approve of something - religion, colour or race of spouse, taking on step-children, etc. (explanation added) - because it isn't just to do with the one day of the ceremony but disapproval of a fundamental part of their life which is on-going.

The couple whose marriage was boycotted might rationally see that they shouldn't be upset but emotions don't work like that and they may well feel sad.

Person_one

balletshoes wrote: »

honestly? i just think life's too short (and i stay well away from wedding forums).

You're probably right on that one!

I just find the contrast interesting. If a parent/sibling/good friend doesn't want to be at the wedding, they get short shrift, they're mean selfish etc. there was the thread about not wanting to be a bridesmaid recently...

ViolaLass

Person_one wrote: »

You're probably right on that one!

I just find the contrast interesting. If a parent/sibling/good friend doesn't want to be at the wedding, they get short shrift, they're mean selfish etc. there was the thread about not wanting to be a bridesmaid recently...

But presumably by the people who would always want to be invited to the wedding.

If only those who feel the couple should do whatever they want had been asked, the result might be different. Not saying it would, but it might.

System

When I married hubby I wanted just me, him my Mother, Stepfather and brother from my side. He only had his sister, husband and kids from his side. I didn't invite any friends as it was easier to say 'family only' than choose friends and risk upsetting people by not inviting them.


I got to the chapel and the woman who handmade my wedding dress turned up and so did about 20 of his work mates. He didn't invite them he said but they did ask where we were getting married.


I couldn't moan really as they meant well but the wedding pictures look a bit odd. Especially the one where the girl who had been trying to date my hubby for months was sulking up the corner.


Oh, and friends were offended that they hadn't been invited.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

You're probably right on that one!

I just find the contrast interesting. If a parent/sibling/good friend doesn't want to be at the wedding, they get short shrift, they're mean selfish etc. there was the thread about not wanting to be a bridesmaid recently...

Actually I think its exactly the same issue....

Not supporting one's friend to make their decision as to what is their best choice for them as a couple if WE don't like it or approve. Its not our business or choice.

If its a moral standpoint on something like adultery or abuse then I think its one thing to make a stand, for some the decision to make a stand moght be in the religious 'need' for marriage but for most of us we should accept decisions like whether and how to marry are for couples to make as best suits THEM and noone else. If that's including us, lovely. If its not, fine. Likewise, I wouldn't feel hurt by not being in the delivery room, of a close friend, but rather seeing them at home when they said was good.....a couple of weeks later when their partner was back at work if that's what they wanted. Sometimes for somethings people chose to bond by looking in and cementing the closest bond. Its not a rejection of others necessarily (I'd agree in some cases it is) but rather a prioritising of their centre in life.

barbarawright

Not sure if this aspect has been covered but I have been that 'witness off the street' many many times. I used to work in an adjacent office to a registrars and we were asked quite often. It's not actually that easy to grab random strangers so it's worth asking the registrars for their advise and they''ll be able to tell you where the nearest source of witnesses (they aren't allowed to do it themselves but they will know where to send you) . It's actually a nice thing to do and I always felt privileged to be part of of someone's wedding. It's not unusual at all - at our register office it happened several times a week. It's even nicer if you buy a box of chocs for each of the witnesses!

Hermia

Mojisola wrote: »

I think there's a big difference between not going to a wedding because you can't afford it/don't want to leave children at home/other practical reasons and not going because you don't approve of something - religion, colour or race of spouse, taking on step-children, etc. (explanation added) - because it isn't just to do with the one day of the ceremony but disapproval of a fundamental part of their life which is on-going.

The couple whose marriage was boycotted might rationally see that they shouldn't be upset but emotions don't work like that and they may well feel sad.

Exactly! My mother wasn't upset at her parents boycotting the wedding because of my father's colour. She was upset at them constantly making racist comments about him and ignoring him etc. If your parents don't attend because of religious issues the wedding is actually the least of your problems.

DaveTheMus

When my wife and I got married last year we had the wedding in a registry office with immediate family only....no extended family, no friends....we went for a meal afterwards, cost under £1000 all in and it was a great day.