I'm not an evil step mum please be kind!

spamalot

I probably should add that once a month is when they come here. My husband works about halfway between here and their house so he does see them on their own as well when they can fit him in and with ESD at uni he gets time with YSD on her own.

Sorry, I should have added that earlier. I thought the question was how often do they come to our home.

Buzzybee90

j.e.j. wrote: »

I find this very odd behaviour for girls in their late teens. The one-word answers and the sulkiness I can imagine, and I wouldn't bat an eyelid, but I can't think of many girls/women aged what, 16-19? who would want to sit on daddy's lap or hold his hand.

It sounds like you and hubby need to tackle this together. He must surely know it's a bit weird, but as you say, he's frightened of rocking the boat for fear of upsetting them. He's going to have to face the facts sooner or later, though.

I still sit on my dads lap and would hold my parents hands, although probably not walking down the street.

Lozzy88

Stop wasting your time and energy.
I am a step-child and have 3 youngish step children.

When they come don't try and make conversation, don't join them on meals, days out just on the whole ignore them.

They will either not notice and not be bothered or be so interested in your silence they will come to you.

If you husband has a problem remind him you are pregnant and your hormones have taken over or you are just so tired you need to go back to bed. Once the baby arrives you will have even more room to do your own thing or at least what the baby demands!

theoretica

For the wardrobe issue, do they have a drawer each or other space in your house to keep clothes? I keep a small stash of less favourite stuff at my parents' so don't need to pack or borrow clothes.

I agree with other posters - if they don't want a relationship with you leave them to it. Treat them civilly and leave them to it, a bit as if your husband had invited an old friend round you have nothing in common with.

The possesive picture you paint reminds me of certain cats I have known. Mine, all mine.

claire16c

Op have you posted about this issue before?

I swear I have already read this post a while ago?!

themull1

daisiegg wrote: »

Wow that is harsh! They live two hours away, that's a bit far for a day visit and even if it wasn't, why on earth shouldn't they stay with their dad? I would never dream of telling my husband his daughter couldn't stay with us!

Now whether they will want to stay in a house with a screaming baby is another matter, but it must be their choice...

I missed the two hours away bit, and the once a month visit, if i was op, i would just keep out of their way and let their dad pander to them.

AcidHouse

Hi OP. Once your baby is born, you'll be too distracted with minding your child to notice their behaviour when they stay over.
They might even interact with you more because they are interested in the baby. I'd stop making efforts for now and focus on your health.

As for leaving presents on their pillows, you're going about it the wrong way. The reality is, they aren't there to see you or build a relationship with you, they want to see their dad. Stop pressurising yourself to have a perfect, happy family situation with them. Once they can see you aren't bothered anymore in making a huge effort but you're still polite etc, they will stop pushing your emotional buttons as they are no longer fun to press, because you don't react by trying harder to get them to like you.

You don't need them to like you, they don't live under your roof.

ska_lover

spamalot wrote: »

the youngest one draping herself over my husband to the point that it is obscene, I kid you not!


thinking of going it alone to give bub a happy, stress free environment to grow up in. I'm so stressed out and feeling so trapped. Please help me.

Seriously, are you trolling!!????

OP, are you sure that the problem with the step daughters, is not actually your dislike of them, mirrored back at you?

Accusing your 16 year old step daughter of draping herself over her own father in an obscene way - this suggests you are jealous to the point of madness, of the step daughters!

You are implying that she has sexual feelings towards her Dad, and that he is encouraging it.......You really need to think about what you are saying!!!!

Thinking of becoming a single parent because you cannot deal with jealousy and your husband giving his own daughters attention is rather sickening to be honest.

I think you need to get a grip of your accusations, tearing loyalties of your husband between you and his daughters and is already building resentment on both sides

Teenagers often give one word answers, its normal part of being a grumpy teenager, maybe you are taking that bit a bit too personally, not everything is about you. If they are being grumpy let them get on with it, not your problem.

It seems to me that now you are pregnant, and starting your own family with your OH, you just want his previous life, and daughters to disappear out of the mix. This will not happen, but things will get easier as they get older

HPoirot

OP I think you should take a step back and stop being drawn into their competitive little games, these games can only have gone on for 8 years if you have played along all the time. You sound very critical of them too, I am not saying this is not because you are at the moment utterly fed up with the situation, but honestly, they can text and email their own dad as much as they want surely? As for beng infantilised, I was very young for my age as a teenager, hasn't done me any harm so far as I caught up in my early 20s. Their parents' separation may have played a part in how they turn out, I personally would not criticise them for that.

Take a step back and remember you are the adult here, you may not have realised it but it seems you are as much engaged in this competition as they are.

Blackpool_Saver

HPoirot wrote: »

OP I think you should take a step back and stop being drawn into their competitive little games, these games can only have gone on for 8 years if you have played along all the time. You sound very critical of them too, I am not saying this is not because you are at the moment utterly fed up with the situation, but honestly, they can text and email their own dad as much as they want surely? As for beng infantilised, I was very young for my age as a teenager, hasn't done me any harm so far as I caught up in my early 20s. Their parents' separation may have played a part in how they turn out, I personally would not criticise them for that.

Take a step back and remember you are the adult here, you may not have realised it but it seems you are as much engaged in this competition as they are.

Have you ever been in this situation? I have twice, and to be honest you haven't a clue