I'm not an evil step mum please be kind!

Blackpool_Saver

having read the background, it all makes sense now, what a sad, sad situation for all concerned.

justme111

paulineb wrote: »

I think theres far more to it than that. If they want to behave like that, let their dad see him on his own, even if its away from the family home, because clearly it doesnt feel like much of a home for the OP when shes being treated so negatively in it.

2 days is a long time when its being made clear to you you arent liked. And in your own home as well. Hoful.

It's not her home only. It's his home as well. And those are his children he should be able to see in his home ,
By your criteria majority of teens would been chucked away from their homes on the streets . At least they don't tell her they hate her , my 9 y o one said it to.me a couple of times - I can imagine if op scrutinised looks they give her if they said such a thing she would demand not to ever see them again , I must have called the police and told them I don't want her any more as she does not treat me well. may be after having her child she will act more like a grown up and not become irritated by other children behaving as ones .

justme111

Children from a broken family , who see their dad once a month for 2 days - how dare they try to imply he is their's ...

Op, it must be your nestling instinct - as you always felt insecure with those kids it seeps out now that biology demands top security. It seems more to do with your feelings and perceptions than any transgressions so I would advise not to stress your husband on it and probably get solo counselling

Mojisola

justme111 wrote: »

It's not her home only. It's his home as well. And those are his children he should be able to see in his home ,

And he should be teaching his children how to behave when they do spend time in his house. Just because they are being brattish doesn't mean that should be allowed to continue.

supersaver2

justme111 wrote: »

It's not her home only. It's his home as well. And those are his children he should be able to see in his home ,
By your criteria majority of teens would been chucked away from their homes on the streets . At least they don't tell her they hate her , my 9 y o one said it to.me a couple of times - I can imagine if op scrutinised looks they give her if they said such a thing she would demand not to ever see them again , I must have called the police and told them I don't want her any more as she does not treat me well. may be after having her child she will act more like a grown up and not become irritated by other children behaving as ones .

Very harsh in my opinion. As for her step daughters acting like children, they are 16 and 19 years old, certainly not children!

justme111

supersaver2 wrote: »

Very harsh in my opinion. As for her step daughters acting like children, they are 16 and 19 years old, certainly not children!

Their behaviour is not her business as long as they don't don't swear at her, shout or break things. Ok I might substitute the word children for "teenagers". Any objections left ?
Mojisola , if their dad enroll on a parenting course they would tell him what to do. It's not her business to put him under pressure to create a couple of freshly washed smiley children so that she god forbid does not suffer from monosillabic answers almost all other parents have to endure
He sees them just for 2 days a month , why does she have to be present there and note who is sitting on whos lap ?

paulineb_2

justme111 wrote: »

It's not her home only. It's his home as well. And those are his children he should be able to see in his home ,
By your criteria majority of teens would been chucked away from their homes on the streets . At least they don't tell her they hate her , my 9 y o one said it to.me a couple of times - I can imagine if op scrutinised looks they give her if they said such a thing she would demand not to ever see them again , I must have called the police and told them I don't want her any more as she does not treat me well. may be after having her child she will act more like a grown up and not become irritated by other children behaving as ones .

My post suggested that teens should be chucked on the streets? How? By saying that the dad could see his kids away from the home. Thats not making them homeless, they live with their mum most of the time. 9 year olds? Police? Sorry, I think you are reading far too much into something that isnt there. Talk about mountains and molehills.

Yes its his home as well as hers, but shes bearing the brunt of their behaviour and shes 33 weeks pregnant and its causing her stress.

By the way, I worked with homeless young people for a long time, its something I care very much about. Please dont suggest that anything I said was about trying to make the stepdaughters homeless because that is not what I said.

Oh and as for all this broken home stuff. They are divorced. The parents divorced years ago. Plenty of families divorce and the kids manage to see both parents and deal with it the best they can.

It shouldnt give them licence to make their stepmums life a misery for years at a time and particularly when she is pregnant. Its obvious you have made your mind up about the OP and you arent supportive and thats your right, but this doesnt need to turn into a melodrama just because the mum and dad are divorced with new partners.

At 19 my mum was married and had had me. And she didnt grow up in the easiest of families, it didnt turn her into a difficult teenager or adult. Life is tough for a lot of people, you have to get on with it. They arent doing themselves any favours and neither is the dad.

OP, glad you have spoken and things are a bit brighter.

marisco_2

spamalot wrote: »

It's just he seems so controlled by guilt that when they are affectionate he feels validated or worthy as a dad.

And there's your problem right there. Your husband most likely dismisses your worries and point of view over this awful situation, because to not do this would mean he has to face up to some uncomfortable truths. I agree with other posters who recommend you two seek counselling. Your relationship needs to be strong and secure before your baby arrives. If you don't both commit to trying to achieve this, then the pressures that come from having to care for a newborn could really drive you further apart.

justme111

Police was mentioned just as grotesque comparation. What I was trying say that relationships with kids are not all roses. Him not being able to see them at his because they are not all chit chatty with her and she does not like the way they look leaves me speechless , I can not fathom how someone could do that .
Op , you have not written you have done that , this comment is to people who suggested it.
Re supportive - if people do wrong thing being supportive would entail to try and show them where they went wrong , not cheering "go for it , go "

Blackpool_Saver

Many hugs OP, I hope you come back. I know how hard it is to be in your situation