I'm not an evil step mum please be kind!

Georgiegirl256

skyrocket wrote: »

I cuddle my dad and I would hold his hand in the street and we hug a lot thanks.
At 16 I was an awkward girl not quite a woman.
My daughter is 8 and I wouldn't think anything of her sitting on her dads lap or her step fathers lap.
At 16 you are developing and it's an odd behaviour, same as for a 16 year old boy to be sat on his mothers lap.
Nothing to do with me thanks. It's an odd thing for one thing down to the size of a 16 year old.

I think I'd be more embarrassed to hold my Dad's hand walking down the street tbh, people might think I've got myself a sugar daddy or something!

Georgiegirl256

Jinx wrote: »

I'm 40 so not that much older than you and have never seen any of my peers sit on their dads knee at your age, even in tactile families.

I don't make a habit of it lol! But I will for example if we are getting a photo took, or if we're somewhere such as visiting friends or family, and there's not enough seats for example.

My nieces are extremely close to their Dad too, and are always snuggling up to him, for example at Christmas when my MIL had a house full, they shared a chair with him and snuggled up to him and fell asleep....they are 21 and 23. I think it's lovely that they feel comfortable in front of their family and have such a close relationship with their Dad.

skyrocket

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I think I'd be more embarrassed to hold my Dad's hand walking down the street tbh, people might think I've got myself a sugar daddy or something!

See I don't see anything wrong with that and the OP says they do that too.

skyrocket

But the OP says there is something territorial and strange about the way this step daughter is draping herself over her father. She gives her dirty looks while doing it, she is doing it as a territorial thing.
So whereas there is an innocence to you sitting on your dads knee Georgiegirl, the motivation doesn't seem to be the same for the step daughter (not saying it is a sexual motivation though).

duchy

Sounds more like they do it because they know it winds the Step Mum up. It probably started at a more appropriate age -and they've kept it going because they see it bugs her.

Frankly they will soon be off living their own lives at uni or working and won't be around as much anyway .

I think the point that the OP thinks her son will be considered as she is -is unlikely. They don'tlike her because in their eyes Dad should be living with Mum (regardless of if the OP was involved in the marriage break up or not) ...or did....and simply have never bonded with the OP in the way she would like (and no reason they should-they are there to see Dad-not her-a great step relationship is a bonus not a right) a baby is unlikely to be viewed in the same light.

*Louise*

I think for the sake of a visit once a month I would just put up with it for a short while longer. Any attempt at discussion with hubby is obviously falling on deaf ears. I would just quietly start making a few changes*; say hello instead of trying to hug them, no more presents unless for an occasion, put a few old clothes in the room they use and tell hubby 'that's the ones the girls can use if they need them' and every time he mentions texts and emails just smile and nod. Oh, and rather than suggesting I make other plans in advance for while they were there (which causes arguments) I would just have something come up the day before and go out for a while. Or quietly slip off to my room with a book.

Why force a discussion at this point. It hasn't worked in the past 8 years. There is only one or two more visits before the baby arrives and the whole dynamic changes and new arrangements will have to be made.

That is the time for discussion and to plan any other changes with hubby ensure everyone is happy....

*If these changes are only made after the baby is born, it could look like the older girls are suddenly being pushed out, which is why I advocate doing it before.

sharnad

Put your foot down. Tell them if they are going to act like little children you will treat them as such. You get to choose tv meals etc and if you let them have input they should be grateful . Don't let ten lend your clothes. No kore presents and remind them they have a new brother or sister coming soon so you will be a family forever

spamalot

Morning all,

Thank you all for your posts, even the ones that said I was a jealous weirdo re: lap sitting thing! I'd like to say I also have an amazing relationship with my dad, we do loads of things together and he is one of my best buds. We always say I love you and hug each other, but there is no way I'd dream of sitting on his lap, besides the fact he's got a dodgy knee I grew out of that when I was a youngster! Maybe different cultures or families have different normalities, I want to add I'm not judging anyone btw!

I did raise it once with DH and he said it made him feel uncomfortable and it was a little out of character in the way YSD went about it, so I don't think I'm the only one. As an aside, YSD did try to do it in the pub over Christmas with her grandad, dirty looks and all, this time DH noticed it first and mentioned it to me afterwards saying how uncomfortable it made him feel ( I think he for once got the same looks I did because he was sat next to me talking to his mum about the baby because she'd asked us some questions). I thought that by him noticing we'd made some progress but it just goes straight back to the same pattern as soon as they come over again.

The three of them went to a organised running event yesterday, I was at home. Apparently YSD is now saying to DH that he should be at home with her mum and the girls, and that although her mum is remarried and she says she likes her step dad, it's wrong that he's there and not DH. DH said she got upset because her daddy wasn't living in the family home, which upset DH. I understand that this is all connected with insecurities regarding the new baby but her parents split up 9/10 years ago! We've been together for 8!

Last night I told DH that I'm backing off, he did this sort of wounded puppy dog look and accused me of always seeing the girls in a bad light, which is not true. I can't do right for doing wrong. I know that some of you think I am being over dramatic but the way I feel right now, I'd like to just walk away and say to hell with it all. I'm clearly not cut out to be a step parent.

I can't deal with this new turn of events, I'm tired, very pregnant and just fed up.

paulineb_2

He's the bigger issue than they are. He's giving you nil support. Wounded puppy dog look? Seriously?

Yes you need to make the effort with his kids but he needs to support you when you feel you are being poorly treated in your own home and he's not.

He sounds like he has no backbone and just because a new baby is on the way and priorities will be different won't change the underlying issues.

jetplane

spamalot wrote: »

Morning all,
Last night I told DH that I'm backing off, he did this sort of wounded puppy dog look and accused me of always seeing the girls in a bad light, which is not true. I can't do right for doing wrong. I know that some of you think I am being over dramatic but the way I feel right now, I'd like to just walk away and say to hell with it all. I'm clearly not cut out to be a step parent.

I can't deal with this new turn of events, I'm tired, very pregnant and just fed up.

I think you are tired and fed up with your husband not listening to you and not taking you seriously and its not that your not cut out to be a step parent. With a different set up you could have a whole different experience. In my opinion your husband is shirking all responsibility and allowing his daughters to manipulate him but in honesty some parents are totally blinkered as far as their children are concerned.