Who should pay for bridesmaids dresses?

duchy

Is "archaic" a word your friend frequently uses in normal conversation ?

Of course there are some people who think the whole idea of marriage is "archaic" !!

And how the heck were you supposed to say something....when no-one had told you ????

I'm sorry but that email is beyond rude. Even assuming the B&G genuinely believed the convention had changed they should be trying to find a compromise (like in the earlier email) not trying to lay down the law now it is clear that there has been a misunderstanding. The wording about "any expenses" implies you're going to get hit for shoes, hair and make up too.

Pity you can't send them a link to this thread but a bit of googling UK bride's mags should find you plenty of evidence to illustrate to them that what they are suggesting is not the norm. Send them the links (make sure they are UK and not US links)

I do find it bizarre that the bride hasn't got on the phone to you to try and sort out this misunderstanding -it's how normal friends would react not sending arrogant emails. Maybe their budget is shot and she's too embarrassed to say or maybe she assumed they would be paying and the groom (or one of the mothers) has now said he thought they shouldn't and she's stuck in the middle - but whatever the reason their behavior is outrageous.

quidsy

Just reply back with

" Had you, at asking me to be bridesmaid, explained what my financial responsibilites would be, I could have prepared for such an large cost. As it is you didn't spare me the courtsey of once mentioning that I was expected to pay for the dress. I cannot afford it. It really is that simple. What you consider outdated & archaic is to pretty much to everyone else, standard protocol. But regardless, you should have made your position clear, I now feel like I am being blackmailed into paying for something I will never wear again, am only buying to satisfy your wedding ensemble & am being forced to "subsidise" your wedding. It is rude, presumptious & grasping"

Stephb1986_2

I paid for our bridesmaids dresses but they are 8 and 12 I do think it's out of order expecting you to pay and not explaining the cost was to you.

Steph x

quidsy

Oh & fyi, this person is not your friend.

But if you want to resolve this ASAP & remain friends just pick up the phone & call her or text & ask to meet face to face to discuss this all, alone. If she refuses either then you know how important your friendship really is to her.

She is in the wrong here, she should have made your financialy commitments in her wedding clear.

inklove

It is difficult to get to speak to my friend because she is abroad Ar the moment and I can only speak to her if she calls me.
Her partner and family have been doing most of the planning.

My friend and I don't really discuss money, but I am fairly certain that money isn't too big of an issue as they both have very good jobs and both come from financially comfortable families.

themull1

If someone is close enough to you to ask you to be a bridesmaid, can you not just tell her direct instead of !!!!!footing around? Maybe its a youth thing? My response would have been(i'm 45) 'you're joking about the money right? there is no way on earth i'm paying for a bridesmaids dress for your wedding, i'm sorry, but if you're not paying for it, i'm not being your bridesmaid. Job done. Lets be honest here, you're not really going to be friends after the wedding anyway, so why spend all that money!

krustylouise

I think your "friend" is in the wrong for the simple reason, yes you may have agreed to be her bridesmaid, HOWEVER, she failed to mention the cost implications of this. Personally I think it's shameful and embarrassing on her part to assume people would accept the cost of these dresses that would only be worn once that SHE chose.

I do hope you sort it out OP, must be upsetting for you.

Mojisola

inklove wrote: »

It just feels like I am being told to pay an amount of money I can't afford plus god knows what else for the privilege of being their bridesmaid.

I also have to pay £370 for a hotel room and over £100 in petrol getting there and whatever else we have to pay for to get there.

themull1 wrote: »

If someone is close enough to you to ask you to be a bridesmaid, can you not just tell her direct instead of !!!!!footing around? Maybe its a youth thing? My response would have been(i'm 45) 'you're joking about the money right? there is no way on earth i'm paying for a bridesmaids dress for your wedding, i'm sorry, but if you're not paying for it, i'm not being your bridesmaid. Job done. Lets be honest here, you're not really going to be friends after the wedding anyway, so why spend all that money!

She's having five bridesmaids - if they couldn't afford to pay for their wedding, they should have trimmed their expectations - not decided that you should cover some of their costs!

themull is right - whether you grit your teeth and pay up or back out now, you're not going to friends in the future. Back out now and save all that money.

notanewuser

I'd be dumping the pair of them.

We went to a wedding last year that had 20+ bridesmaids and 8 or 10 page boys/groomsmen. Not one paid for a single thing.

Daxx

Could you not just reply pointing out how much you are having to spend to attend her wedding and that you cannot afford to pay £84 for a bridesmaid dress. If this means that she can no longer afford to have you as a bridesmaid then you understand and will just be a normal guest.

Then it's up to her to decide what she is going to do and how much of a friend she is.

Then you have made it clear where you stand with no negotiation.