Who should pay for bridesmaids dresses?

eleanor73

Really bad form. I am getting married in April and had a set idea on what dresses I wanted them to wear (although I took into account what would suit their figures and colouring) and I have bought them (and their shoes). One of my friends is much wealthier than me and offered but I declined. They already will spend enough on the hen do, a hotel, drinks & possibly a gift. I wouldn't dream of charging them. If for any reason I couldn't afford the dresses I wouldn't have bridesmaids - simple as that.

rosie-lee

globetraveller wrote: »

I wonder if your friend knows about this email? Is it possible her OH is trying to save money without her knowing? I think you need to get together with the other BMs and contact her saying he seems to think that you are paying but obviously you haven't been asked to do so. Be blunt and tell her that you have bought something else that you could wear if you had known. I'll bet she will be embarrassed when she hears about the email.

Only got this far on the thread but .... I was wondering if the friend was too embarrassed to ask herself & her & future hubby had decided the text was best coming from him in case of any awkwardness.

If you were all contributing to the cost, I would have expected the price of the dress options to be mentioned when you were choosing & trying them off.

Paying for a bridesmaid dress is the sort of thing I might offer to do if the bride was very relaxed about what I wore & I knew she had a tight budget.

If however, I was taken to a shop & told what I would be wearing! I would be horrified to receive a request for money.

I really felt for you OP reading your opening post. What an awkward position to put you in. I would def be speaking to the bridesmaid most on your wavelength (if there is one) before responding in any way.
Hope, your frilly pink number,it doesn't spoil what I am sure will be an otherwise great day

rosie-lee

DigForVictory wrote: »

It's certainly going to be uncomfortable, but unless she can pull something along the lines of "of course, the amnesia from your car crash..." then *she* should be the embarrassed one.

She asked you to be her bridesmaid, not fund part of her wedding.

She has choices - pay in full (whilst apologising), or chuck you off the team & try to get someone else who'll fit your dress. Either way, her status as a friend is at serious risk, from each of you three!

Don't let the bride use your friendship to gouge money out of you for a dress you don't want for a role you are beginning to have doubts about.

Your advice is exactly what I would LOVE to do, in the same situation.

But I know I wouldn't dare and instead begrudgingly pay up & stay miffed forever.

Don't be a doormat like me OP. I always regret not having the courage to be more up front.

newthrift

I would say the bride & groom should be paying for the dresses and if they expect the bridesmaids to pay or contribute this should be stated up front. It's an akward situation to bring up, but just be upfront with the bride and say you were unaware that you would be paying for the dress, and you only have £x amount available at the moment, could they pay the difference and you will pay them the remaninder once you have saved? Then after the wedding the dress is yours and you could try and sell it to get some of the money back!

quidsy

I would text back saying "soz, didn't realise this was expected of me, sadly don't have funds so will understand if you wish to chose alternate bridesmaid. xx"

rosie-lee

Could you perhaps pull something together from this ....

Hi xxx
I do wish you had mentioned it earlier, I hadn't realised we were contributing to the bridal party outfits.

I've just paid the £xxx for the hotel & along with your pressie & the petrol Would it be OK if I have chance to do a few sums & get this to you after pay day?
BTW Are their any other costs, hairdresser, jewellery , shoes etc that I am going to need to budget for as well. My 'bridesmaids guide' was obviously useless!!!!

Could you not send the FB bridesmaid a PM asking, had you realised we were paying for the dresses?

Brighton_belle

rosie-lee wrote: »

Could you perhaps pull something together from this ....

Hi xxx
I do wish you had mentioned it earlier, I hadn't realised we were contributing to the bridal party outfits.

I've just paid the £xxx for the hotel & along with your pressie & the petrol Would it be OK if I have chance to do a few sums & get this to you after pay day?
BTW Are their any other costs, hairdresser, jewellery , shoes etc that I am going to need to budget for as well. My 'bridesmaids guide' was obviously useless!!!!

Could you not send the FB bridesmaid a PM asking, had you realised we were paying for the dresses?

I think this is perhaps a little too passive and fluffy because it still implies it's completely ok for the op to pay these costs and anything else and that the op can find the money.
It isn't. It's inappropriate, thoughtless, and self centred of the bride to dump this on her via her fianc!.
All that will happen is bride replies with list of further costs for hair etc.
OP needs to keep it simple and clear: "sorry I had no idea I was expected to pay these costs and I just don't have this sort of money on top of x hundreds for hotel etc. Quite understand if you wish to replace me.


It dos make me mad that people want the show of five bridesmaids at other peoples expense.

nimbo

sorry I had no idea I was expected to pay these costs and I just don't have this sort of money on top of x hundreds for hotel etc. Quite understand if you wish to replace me

i'd send that and only that...

You could spend hours writing the perfect email - but that says it all, and it isn't rude or OTT...

the longer you wait the harder it will be, and the more upset / worked uo you will get... Hope you're ok, and that it goes well. xx

PlymouthMaid

Agree with the consensus here that they are being cheeky and thoughtless. The reply above is succinct and to the point. As if people have all that cash knocking about for a mate's wedding. Barking!

jetplane

This is one of those situations where someone is so rude to us we are left too stunned to reply in the way in which we want incase we sound as rude as they are

Not one person on here has sided with the bride & groom which speaks volumes and suggests that the other bridesmaids probably feel the same as you.

I agree with others be clear and text to say you can't afford to pay for the dress and that if they had mentioned it earlier you would have told them not to order it, especially as they knew you didn't like it.

The time to ask you to pay for the dress has passed, they know this otherwise they wouldn't be communicating by message, they just hope that you're too embarrassed to say no.