Who should pay for bridesmaids dresses?

lucielocket_2

I was a chief bridesmaid for my cousin a few years ago, and went with her looking for the dresses for all the bridesmaids. Together we chose the one we would have and she paid for them all (there were 2 adults bridesmaids and 3 little ones). But when we needed to have them altered for the length etc, she wanted us to pay for it, they were £40 per dress. To me it should have come under the cost of getting the dress. I was not earning a lot of money at the time so couldn't really afford it.


We were already paying for our shoes and getting our hair done the same on the day (not cheap)


In the end her mum paid for the dresses to be altered and it was all sorted, but it was a bit uncomfortable having the conversation, but I think it needed to be done. I know it is an expensive time for them, but if they had told you in advance that you would need to pay for, at least you could have something you might wear again, or maybe a bit cheaper


Why don't you and the other bridesmaids try to get together with them and see if you can sort something out, and also try and find out if they expect you to pay for anything else


I was really lucky as I sort of got to choose the dress, and then afterwards I had it made in to a top which I have worn lots of times, the first time was when I was made a God parent at the christening

I hope you can sort something out xx

inklove

That's the thing, if it had been discussed that they were expecting us to pay for the dresses I would definitely have asked for some input.
I would have also suggested a reasonable price limit.
Or I may have even been able to graciously back out of being a bridesmaid.

We already had a bit of an awkward chat at the dress fitting because we were all quite surprised by the style of the dress and honestly I think we all hated it at first, but it did look much better on.
They both sat there talking about how much they liked the dresses and we had to lie and say we liked them, which they could tell wasn't 100% truthfull and they made a point of asking me what I liked and didn't like about it, which was not fun.

How am I even going to approach the conversation we need to have, or should I just suck it up and pay for it?

duchy

inklove wrote: »

I called the shop.

The dresses are actually £84 each. They paid a deposit which covers the price of two dresses (the teen sisters).
They told the shop that the other three bridesmaids would be paying for the dresses individually.

I really don't know how I am going to have this conversation with my friend, we never discuss money, it's going to be so uncomfortable.

Send her an email .......... I think it's pretty obvious they are aware of the situation they are putting you in -as otherwise they would have had the conversation rather than emailed you with "the bill".

If this is how they treat their friends I hate to think how they treat people who aren't close friends.

lucielocket_2

I wouldn't just pay for it, its not fair on you.

Like duchy said email her, it might be easier for you to explain things if you can write it down, if you are anything like me I would forget to say something or it would all come out wrong

They can't expect you to payout all that money with no warning

DigForVictory

It's certainly going to be uncomfortable, but unless she can pull something along the lines of "of course, the amnesia from your car crash..." then *she* should be the embarrassed one.

She asked you to be her bridesmaid, not fund part of her wedding.

She has choices - pay in full (whilst apologising), or chuck you off the team & try to get someone else who'll fit your dress. Either way, her status as a friend is at serious risk, from each of you three!

Don't let the bride use your friendship to gouge money out of you for a dress you don't want for a role you are beginning to have doubts about.

Mojisola

inklove wrote: »

I called the shop.

The dresses are actually £84 each. They paid a deposit which covers the price of two dresses (the teen sisters).
They told the shop that the other three bridesmaids would be paying for the dresses individually.

I really don't know how I am going to have this conversation with my friend, we never discuss money, it's going to be so uncomfortable.

duchy wrote: »

Send her an email

Your friend and her OH didn't have a conversation with you about paying the shop for your dresses! If an email was good enough for them, do as duchy says and reply by email.

I'd also be contacting the other bridesmaids - the couple could be working on each of you separately hoping that you'll be pressurised into paying for the dresses you all hate.

inklove

I've just had a message from my friend and her OH,

"Hi ladies, we think it would be easier for everyone if you all transfer the money for the dresses into our account and then we pay the shop in a lump sum, it saves confusion all round.
My account details are ...(her OHs account details)..
If you could transfer £84 each into my account ASAP I can get them paid for.
Thanks"

Mojisola

inklove wrote: »

I've just had a message from my friend and her OH,

"Hi ladies, we think it would be easier for everyone if you all transfer the money for the dresses into our account and then we pay the shop in a lump sum, it saves confusion all round.
My account details are ...(her OHs account details)..
If you could transfer £84 each into my account ASAP I can get them paid for.
Thanks"

And your reply is going to be .......?

inklove

It just feels like I am being told to pay an amount of money I can't afford plus god knows what else for the privilege of being their bridesmaid.

I also have to pay £370 for a hotel room and over £100 in petrol getting there and whatever else we have to pay for to get there. Which they know I have been saving towards.

I just think they should have told us that they wanted up to pay for the dresses, or at least allowed us some choice.

I have been reading what the tradition is on a couple of wedding websites and it seems pretty unanimous that if you want to pick the dress you pay, if you want the bridesmaids to pay you let them have a say in the dress.
Which seems completely fair.

cte1111

My suggestion for your response:

I'm sorry but I really can't afford to pay for the dress. I had no idea that you were expecting us to pay for our own dresses, if you had mentioned this in advance then I would have had to say no to being a bridesmaid.