Who should pay for bridesmaids dresses?

Mojisola

inklove wrote: »

It just feels like I am being told to pay an amount of money I can't afford plus god knows what else for the privilege of being their bridesmaid.

I also have to pay £370 for a hotel room and over £100 in petrol getting there and whatever else we have to pay for to get there. Which they know I have been saving towards.

I just think they should have told us that they wanted up to pay for the dresses, or at least allowed us some choice.

Some choice! There's no way I would pay that kind of money for a dress unless it was completely my choice.

With a "friend" who can treat you like this, I think you'll be better off financially and otherwise if you withdraw from being a BM.

inklove

Mojisola wrote: »

And your reply is going to be .......?

I have no idea.

I want to say something along the lines of
"Oh, I didn't realise we were expected to pay for the dresses, usually bridesmaids only pay for their own dresses if they have chosen the dress themselves.
With it being my daughters birthday next month and other things I'm don't think I can afford £84 at the moment.
If I had know you were expecting me to pay for the dress I could have put some money aside."

But that would probably cause drama, I think I'm going to need to be way more tactful.

wierddumpling

Have you spoken to the other 2 bridesmaids about this latest email?


I know it's their special day but you've already spent the best part of £500 just to get to the wedding. To me that'll be a weeks, be it cheap, holiday in the sun!

globetraveller

I note the email said hi ladies.
So you need to "reply to all," and say that you hadn't been told before hand that you would have to pay. Say exactly what you have told us about all the other expenses. The other BMs may well follow your lead. That last email was really cheeky. How good a friend is she really? sounds to me like they are running out of money and pulling a fast one. If you do have to pay for the dress, because you don't want to have the conversation, put a deposit down on your wedding gift to them and give them your bank details so they can pay the remainder!

inklove

The dress fitting was the first time I had ever met one bridesmaid, and the other I had only met once.

My friend is one of my oldest friend, we are still really close but live quite far away from one another.

After the fitting the bridesmaid that I had met before sent me a friend request on Facebook. It was via there that we spoke about the first message and the dresses.

I don't feel entirely comfortable telling her exactly how I feel though as I dong know her well enough to know that she won't turn around what I say and tell my friend and her OH that I was being !!!!!y and complaining.

mickey54

"I also have to pay £370 for a hotel room and over £100 in petrol getting there and whatever else we have to pay for to get there. Which they know I have been saving towards. "

I think the £84 is the least of your problems...£470 to get to the wedding and accommodation!!!! plus any other extras...sorry, but they are having a laugh...

duchy

Frankly I'd be sending her an email on the lines of "I was somewhat surprised to get your "bill" for my bridesmaid dress as you didn't mention to me that you're breaking with normal tradition and etiquette beforehand and I'm currently considering my options and will be in touch." I'd add a few urls to links confirming what is "normal".................... but then if a friend treated me the way your friend is treating you I wouldn't care if she was offended or not. I have no doubt you'll be presented with the bill for hair and make up too.

This sort of nonsense is one of the reasons why I'm running away to Vegas to get married.....

The only excuse I could make for this Bridezilla is if she's only ever had involvement with one wedding ever before and was expected to pay for her own dress -but even so most brides devour wedding magazines where this is often discussed.

globetraveller

duchy wrote: »

Frankly I'd be sending her an email on the lines of "I was somewhat surprised to get your "bill" for my bridesmaid dress as you didn't mention to me that you're breaking with normal tradition and etiquette beforehand" and I'm currently considering my options and will be in touch." I'd add a few urls to links confirming what is "normal".................... but then if a friend treated me the way your friend is treating you I wouldn't care if she was offended or not.

you said it much better than I did.


Why on earth is she emailing you in the first place and not calling? As she obviously lives far from you now, could you make up an excuse that means you unfortunately can no longer make the wedding?

DigForVictory

By their deeds shall ye know them.

I think the bride has gone quite far enough for you to reply, & very possibly reply all & copy in her parents if you know their email, with a carefully worded, and naturally reluctant, withdrawal.

Itemise every tuppence you are being asked to incur, starting with the dress, and the hotel, and the travel and the uncertainty as to what else (hair, makeup, shoes etc) you might suddenly be expected to fund & be sweetly clear that whilst you love your friend, it is not part of the bridesmaid job description to fund the wedding.

Regretfully have to withdraw & wish her a happy day & a long & happy marriage.
(Be sure to include this - you may well mean it to the girl who was your friend & it will add salt to the Bridezilla she has turned into, as if she's going to be like this over her wedding, she'll have very few friends after.)

74jax

I wouldnt say you don't have the money AT THE MOMENT, that indicates you will have the money at some point.

I didn't realise you had far to travel either, I paid all the hotel accommodation for everyone who travelled and stayed over - I totally appreciate that isn't the norm (or expected) but we were in a position too.

If you have already paid for hotel and transport etc I would NOT be paying this.

I really agree with everyone else and send an email, it's a horrible position to put you all in. If you can maybe copy in everyone who got the email, it might prompt them to reply the same.