Who should pay for bridesmaids dresses?

Luella-14_2

To be honest, I wouldn't expect to have to pay for the accommodation either- she's being very cheeky.

If you are happy to pay for the dress when you have the funds available, then word it so, however I wouldn't be happy to pay.
My reply would be similar to others although I wouldn't be withdrawing.

I didn't realise we were expected to pay for the dresses ourselves, especially as we didn't choose the dress and it's one I'm unlikely to wear again. On top of the other expenses (accommodation and travel) I cannot afford to pay this. As the subject has come up, perhaps we should confirm who will be paying for the accessories and hair / make-up?

Leave the ball in her court- she may realise she's out of line and back down. Copy in the original recipients (the other bridesmaids?) and wait for her response.

floss2

OMG, what a cheek! I agree with Duchy, itemise all your expenses and imply that she should be paying, especially as she hadn't spoken to you about it before the try-on.

Can't believe you are being asked to pay for your own hotel room too, that was something else that we paid for without any thoughts - our wedding, our costs.

Paulaviki

Wow, that's a pretty shoddy way to treat your friends! If she wanted you to pay for your own dresses she should have had a conversation about it with all of you and agreed a budget. £84 is unlikely to be the end if it as you might need alterations, as well as accessories.

It's fair enough to ask people to pay if you are on a low budget, but you have to be prepared for people to say no to being a bridesmaid.

Definitely agree you should reply saying you had no idea you were expected to pay and can't afford it, if she is a good friend she should be understanding and either pay for it or come to some agreement to pay half each or something!

Some people become incredibly thoughtless when organising their own wedding and forget how expensive it can be fir their guests. I am pleased this was something I kept in mind when I got married!

inklove

They are getting married at one of those country house hotels, it is miles from anywhere and it was worked out that a taxi to the next closest hotel will be £60.
The wedding is 6 hours away so there is no choice but to stay in a hotel and because of the location we don't really have much choice but to stay in the wedding hotel, even though it isn't cheap.

I could pay for the dress, but I would have to split it over a couple of months and it would mean I would have to give up something else to find the money, I don't have that kind of money readily available, we live on a tight budget.

I have been trying to write a message, but everything I write sounds ridiculous and petty.

Mojisola

cte1111 wrote: »

My suggestion for your response:

I'm sorry but I really can't afford to pay for the dress. I had no idea that you were expecting us to pay for our own dresses, if you had mentioned this in advance then I would have had to say no to being a bridesmaid.

inklove wrote: »

I have been trying to write a message, but everything I write sounds ridiculous and petty.

cte's suggestion is good - short and to the point. Ball back in their court.

Tashatutuw

inklove wrote: »

I have been trying to write a message, but everything I write sounds ridiculous and petty.

Nothing about the situation this friend has put you in makes your response 'ridiculous and petty'. She must know (or have some inkling at least) that financially you work to a tight budget and she seems to have dismissed this to do what she wants regardless.

If she had expected you to come up with over £600 then she should have given you PLENTY of prior warning to that. Difficult situation or not - there aren't many people who have £600+ sat around to waste at a friends wedding..

scmp

I realyl would not expect them to pay for their dresses with no notice or even indication at all. If you have to fork out for travel and a fancy hotel then as a 'thank you' the B&G should buy your dress definately!

I have bought my BM dresses. I e mailed my BM's a few photos and between them we made a choice. I love these girls to bits so i wanted them to feel good in the dresses but i wanted 'my' colour. I got an ankle length and a knee length and let them choose! They are wearing their own shoes, I have got hair accessories and hand bag etc.

I really would word it fairly short and sweet like suggested aboveto let them understand that you definately do not have the money at the moment and you have not budgeted for it in the coming months because you didnt know.

It would be horrid to loose a friend because she is getting swept away with the 'me' of it all in wedding planning.

Good Luck x

duchy

I often wonder how many friendships do crumble due to weddings......friends and family alike.

tillyenna

Wow - your friend is being TOTALLY out of order. That being said, this thread has made me have a think about budgets - I'm paying for my bridesmaids and matron of honour's dresses (I'm making them, so it's just fabric and pattern costs) and was also planning to pay hotel costs for the adult bridesmaid and my matron of honour for the night before (the three children will be arriving on the day because it's a 3 o'clock start) - I'd never thought to mention it, because I'd just assumed they'd know I was paying, but maybe I should put their minds at rest, I'd hate them to have to worry about it (one of them is a student and the other has 3 children! So money is tight for both of them...) I'd best find a way to tactfully mention that they needn't worry about it!

AndyBSG

tillyenna wrote: »

I'd best find a way to tactfully mention that they needn't worry about it!

A simple text would do it, something along the lines of 'All getting a bit real now, just paid the money for all the hotel rooms'. That way it just seems like you're texting it as a milestone achievement but lets them know the rooms are paid for.