Who should pay for bridesmaids dresses?

inklove

I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the correct place, but I searched and this seemed like the most apropriate place.

My friend is getting married, I am one of five bridesmaids.
Two of the bridesmaids are the teenage sisters of the bride, the rest are friends.

The dresses are nice and go with the 'vintage English' theme but it is not something I would chose to wear, it isn't to my taste or my style and I will never wear it again (it is very pink and frilly), but I have no problem wearing it as it is their wedding and their choice.

We have been and tried on dresses in the shop, had our measurements taken and the bridesmaid dresses have been ordered (that was last weekend).

Yesterday my friends other half sent text messages to me and the other bridesmaids that said
"we are really looking forward to seeing you all in your bridesmaid dresses, they should be ready for a fitting next weekend so keep that Saturday free please.
Also if possible would you all be able to pay the shop for your dress sometime before then. The remaining balance is £84 each, is that ok with everyone?
Thanks ladies"

This was the first time anyone has mentioned us paying for our own dresses.

I don't have an issue with it in principle, but had we been told we were expected to pay for the dresses ourselves I would have expected us to have had more of a say in the dress, we had absolutely no say in the dress chosen, we were simply told that was the dress they picked when we went to the shop.
I also would have asked that we not have such expensive dresses. £84 is a lot of money to me, I would have saved if I had known, but at the moment they is no way I could just pull £84 out of my budget.

I feel really unhappy with having so spend an amount of money that to me is a lot of money, on a dress that I will not be able to wear again.
It wouldn't be so bad if the dress was simple or a classic style that I could reuse, but there is no way I will ever be able to wear this dress again.

I haven't said anything to my friend or her other half yet but I have spoken with another bridesmaid who was just as surprised.

Is it now common for bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, even if they have no say in the choice of dress?
It's been so long since I was last a bridesmaid that I'm not sure.
I don't know if it would be really unreasonable of me to say something to my friend about it.

Does anyone have any advice?

flea72

Traditionally, No bridesmaids dont pay for their own dress and if they expected you to, should have said so upfront.

I would point this out and then see what they say.

LadyDee

http://www.youandyourwedding.co.uk/planning/essentials/who-pays-for-what-at-your-wedding/153.html

Nile

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F1F93

My Fiancee is only having one bridesmaid. We had originally said that we'd pay for her dress, but she's refused and is paying for it herself. The thought of who pays for what didn't even cross my mind until she insisted that she paid for it.

As such, we're letting her have a lot more choice, other than the colour which obviously need to match our colour scheme.

I'm sorry to say that the bride should have been more honest with you from the start!

minerva_windsong

I agree that who pays should depend on how much choice you have in the matter. If the bride wants you to wear a very specific dress, then she should pay for it. If it's more generic or something you'd wear again, then the bridesmaids might contribute to the cost.

That said I do think it's rude to not have told you upfront that you would be expected to pay. I'm not asking my bridesmaids to pay for anything, but if I was I'd let them know from the outset so they'd have the option to drop out if they couldn't afford to pay or to negotiate contributions.

In this case as the dresses have been ordered, I would perhaps compromising by saying something like "Sorry but I can't afford £84 right now, can I pay £X and you top it up?" If they won't budge offer to pay them back the rest at a later date. And then get the dress on eBay the second you don't have to wear it!

Faith177

I paid for all 3 of my BM's dresses I wouldn't have dreamed of charging them.

I asked them to my BM's they shouldn't be put out by me asking them to do something for me

Tashatutuw

I have paid for all my BM's dresses - I have told her she can pick her own shoes so long as they are a neutral colour and she will pay for those herself. We also had to have a replay with our budget so whereas I had planned to pay for her hair and make up to be done as well I have had to ask her to pay for these herself now as I just don't think I will be able to afford it.

I do think it is very cheeky of them to tell you AFTER they have ordered your dresses that you should pay for them - that should have been an open and frank conversation from the off. Good luck OP!!

krustylouise

I'm paying for my bridesmaid dresses (well junior bridesmaids) and wouldn't ever be so cheeky to assume people would pay that for a dress they'd never wear again. Perhaps your friend just got carried away with the wedding and forgot her manners!

Mojisola

inklove wrote: »

Yesterday my friends other half sent text messages to me and the other bridesmaids that said
"we are really looking forward to seeing you all in your bridesmaid dresses, they should be ready for a fitting next weekend so keep that Saturday free please.
Also if possible would you all be able to pay the shop for your dress sometime before then. The remaining balance is £84 each, is that ok with everyone?
Thanks ladies"

Are the dresses only £84 each - the "remaining balance" is an odd way to phrase it if that's the full price of the dresses.

If a bride expects her BMs to pay for their own dresses, that's got to be said upfront when they get asked to be a BM.

globetraveller

I wonder if your friend knows about this email? Is it possible her OH is trying to save money without her knowing? I think you need to get together with the other BMs and contact her saying he seems to think that you are paying but obviously you haven't been asked to do so. Be blunt and tell her that you have bought something else that you could wear if you had known. I'll bet she will be embarrassed when she hears about the email.