Who should pay for bridesmaids dresses?

Mojisola

lb364 wrote: »

Something along the lines of, 'Sorry if I've offended you - can you please give me a call when you can so we can chat about it'. Then at least you'll know if it is definitely her doing...

I wouldn't say anything about being sorry and offending her!

Ask to talk it through directly with her, yes, but what has the OP done to offend her?

shop-to-drop

Mojisola wrote: »

I wouldn't say anything about being sorry and offending her!

Ask to talk it through directly with her, yes, but what has the OP done to offend her?

Agree it is 'the brides' emails doing the offending. I do wonder if it is actually the bride if she is away in the forces maybe she knows nothing about these emails and the groom and family have taken it upon themselves to ask the bridesmaids to pay. It does seem odd that nothing was said about paying previously so maybe the bride is totally unaware.

Maybe when you speak to her you could explain that you were unsure if the emails were actually from her as the whole thing seems so out of character.

lb364

Mojisola wrote: »

I wouldn't say anything about being sorry and offending her!

Ask to talk it through directly with her, yes, but what has the OP done to offend her?

It was just my opinion!! I didn't say the OP had done anything wrong but it would hopefully bring about a response of, 'Oh, don't be silly, you haven't offended me (as the bride should feel guilty) - it's just that...' It opens it up to conversation, which is more likely to bring about the (happy) conclusion the OP is after.

You catch more flies with honey and all that...

duchy

*Louise* wrote: »

I

All this emailing back and forth seems a little odd when it's supposed to be someone you are good friends with.

To be fair I have friends abroad and we'll plan and discuss all kinds of things by email as with time differences and other commitments as well as cost phone is just too difficult sometimes. Some of them will be driving in to Vegas for my wedding and we'll be making all the arrangements by email almost certainly so the email thing doesn't seem odd to me-the wording and tone is an entirely different matter however !!

Mojisola

lb364 wrote: »

It was just my opinion!! I didn't say the OP had done anything wrong but it would hopefully bring about a response of, 'Oh, don't be silly, you haven't offended me (as the bride should feel guilty) - it's just that...' It opens it up to conversation, which is more likely to bring about the (happy) conclusion the OP is after.

You catch more flies with honey and all that...

But it can also paint you as the one causing the trouble - Yes, you have upset me and it's my wedding and I thought you were my friend and now you're spoiling everything because you won't pay for a dress that you're going to wear, etc, etc.

Start with a neutral position - seeing how the bride approaches the problem will give a guide as to whether to pay up or pull out.

lb364

Mojisola wrote: »

Start with a neutral position - seeing how the bride approaches the problem will give a guide as to whether to pay up or pull out.

I think the OP has already tried neutral with her email telling the bride she didn't know she had to pay.

Of course I would also be tempted to ask what happened to the OP buying a long, pink dress of her own choosing - either it is two different people emailing her or the shop said no to a refund...

duchy

lb364 wrote: »

It was just my opinion!! I didn't say the OP had done anything wrong but it would hopefully bring about a response of, 'Oh, don't be silly, you haven't offended me (as the bride should feel guilty) - it's just that...' It opens it up to conversation, which is more likely to bring about the (happy) conclusion the OP is after.

You catch more flies with honey and all that...

Or could get a response of "Yes I am upset and offended that you are trying to disrupt my wedding plans"

I think the time for honey vanished with the last email. I do wonder who the "archaic" email was signed by .....That is the one I would be quoting/replying to (but sending to the bride's personal email even if the email in question had come from a generic "bride and groom" one.). If she wrote it -she'll know what it said....if she didn't she'll understand a bit more about why her friend is upset and confused.

duchy

lb364 wrote: »

I think the OP has already tried neutral with her email telling the bride she didn't know she had to pay.

Of course I would also be tempted to ask what happened to the OP buying a long, pink dress of her own choosing - either it is two different people emailing her or the shop said no to a refund...

This two quite different suggestions are what is making me think the bride may not be aware of the last email. Nothing in it sounds like an email to a girlfriend.

lb364

duchy wrote: »

This two quite different suggestions are what is making me think the bride may not be aware of the last email. Nothing in it sounds like an email to a girlfriend.

And the way the email refers to 'we' and 'our' as though they wrote it together...

*Louise*

duchy wrote: »

To be fair I have friends abroad and we'll plan and discuss all kinds of things by email as with time differences and other commitments as well as cost phone is just too difficult sometimes. Some of them will be driving in to Vegas for my wedding and we'll be making all the arrangements by email almost certainly so the email thing doesn't seem odd to me-the wording and tone is an entirely different matter however !!

That's all very well if things are going to plan but if one of your friends was upset about something would you mot make the effort to phone and clear things up? In cases like this it could save a lot of misunderstanding.