Who should pay for bridesmaids dresses?

krustylouise

This has just reminded me actually, DD {6} was a flower girl 2 years ago, for her Auntie {off her Dad's side} we were asked if DD would like to be flower girl, DD was so excited, we went for the fitting, she tried on the lovely dress that they chose, and then they hit me with it! £200 as it was pure silk! It had already been ordered {her Mum owned a wedding dress shop} and with DD so excited I didn't have the heart to moan about it. Thinking back I'm kicking myself at how stupid I was and how I should've said no!

globetraveller

This whole thing is unbelievable. If you do pay for a horrible dress ontop of the expenses you know of already, then you do realise that she will get hairdressers, beauticians in you will be expected to pay.
The tone of the emails must surely tell you that you are highly unlikely to remain friends- in any case, why would you? If this is totally out of character for her, how much of a bad influence is her husband to be? Is he very controlling I wonder? Or is it just Bridezilla.
In this day and age( ie as in not archaic times) it is easy to actually speak to folks face to face where ever in the world they are. The fact she doesn't seem to know that would indicate she knows she is in the wrong. Forward that email to the other BMs by the way
Time to back out and spend that huge amount of money on a nice little holiday!

duchy

inklove wrote: »

It is difficult to get to speak to my friend because she is abroad Ar the moment and I can only speak to her if she calls me.
Her partner and family have been doing most of the planning.

My friend and I don't really discuss money, but I am fairly certain that money isn't too big of an issue as they both have very good jobs and both come from financially comfortable families.

Can I ask if his family are all British born or could there be some other cultural expectations at work ?

Frankly unless your friend is a scientist in Antarctica or an aid worker in a very remote region then in this day of Skype there is no excuse for her not contacting you to talk this through.... Either she's handed the problem over to groom or MIL to sort or she's not aware (assuming she is a close friend and not just an "old" friend ). Frankly I'm amazed she has any friends if that is how she speaks to them (or allows her OH or his family to).

krustylouise

can I ask have you discussed this with the other bridesmaids since you received that text? What are they saying about it?

duchy

inklove wrote: »

This is exactly what I don't want to happen, her OH while being nice does have a tendency to take liberties if allowed and I definitely don't want them to think that it's ok.


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inklove wrote: »

We already had a bit of an awkward chat at the dress fitting because we were all quite surprised by the style of the dress and honestly I think we all hated it at first, but it did look much better on.
They both sat there talking about how much they liked the dresses and we had to lie and say we liked them, which they could tell wasn't 100% truthfull and they made a point of asking me what I liked and didn't like about it, which was not fun.

So do you think this is all coming from the groom and he maybe "hasn't bothered" his fiance with these "details" ? I'd hate to think you withdrew or your friendship was damaged and the bride actually didn't know the full story or has she turned into a Bridezilla ?

duchy

krustylouise wrote: »

can I ask have you discussed this with the other bridesmaids since you received that text? What are they saying about it?

I can't find the post but I'm pretty sure the OP said she didn't know the other BM's well.

inklove

duchy wrote: »

Can I ask if his family are all British born or could there be some other cultural expectations at work ?

Frankly unless your friend is a scientist in Antarctica or an aid worker in a very remote region then in this day of Skype there is no excuse for her not contacting you to talk this through.... Either she's handed the problem over to groom or MIL to sort or she's not aware (assuming she is a close friend and not just an "old" friend ). Frankly I'm amazed she has any friends if that is how she speaks to them (or allows her OH or his family to).

They are both British. And they are both in the armed forces, my friend is abroad working, she doesn't have her phone with her, she can only call me from the 'pay phone' style system, or speak by email.

The bad part is that she is one of my best friends, but I feel like this whole thing has driven a wedge into our formerly solid friendship.

duchy

I wouldn't give up on the friendship just yet unless she wrote the last email herself. This sounds like either the groom or one of his relatives doing stuff without referring to her. A bloke or an in-law isn't going to see the friendship dynamic in all this as you (and hopefully she) does.

"Don't worry about the budget not covering everything Darling-I've made some savings elsewhere so we can afford XXX too" (without mentioning or even realizing his saving has damaged her close friendships.-Possible scenario?)

*Louise*

I think someone else wrote the email. Can you contact her and ask her to give you a call when she can?

All this emailing back and forth seems a little odd when it's supposed to be someone you are good friends with.

lb364

I am so angry on your behalf! Your friend sounds very selfish, although like others have said I do wonder if the emails are being sent by the groom just because of the tone and I find it hard to believe that last one especially would come from someone who you have shared a close friendship with for several years.

I think you should email 'her' asking her to call you. Something along the lines of, 'Sorry if I've offended you - can you please give me a call when you can so we can chat about it'. Then at least you'll know if it is definitely her doing...

Just to add my own story about spiralling wedding costs for guests: we recently got invited to OH's brother's wedding (so we had to go...apparently). They decided it would be abroad - it then turned out it would cost £2000+ each :eek: we were then told he would be buying a suit of their choosing (seemingly so the groom would receive his suit for free), that was a £200 suit :eek::eek: and then they decided there would be another party back in the UK for which we had to book a hotel, travel etc etc. All in all it cost us upwards of £6000 and we had just bought our first place together. If it was my sibling it would have cost us £0 because I would've told them where to go :A