Who should pay for bridesmaids dresses?

duchy

lb364 wrote: »

And the way the email refers to 'we' and 'our' as though they wrote it together...

As they currently are in two different countries that isn't a given though.

ellesbellesxxx

I have been reading this through incredulous... I am deliberately only having one bridesmaid as would have to compromise on wedding to have more than one. At no point has it ever occurred to me to have more...or to ask anyone to pay!!!!! if I were to ask anyone to be a bridesmaid, on a tighter budget,the first thing I would say would be that I completely understand should they not want to but if they were up for buying dress, did they want to be a bridesmaid?!
By asking someone to be a bridesmaid, you are treating them.
Absolutely crazy!!!! She is now doing a massive guilt trip on you - but it should not be you feeling guilty!!!

lb364

duchy wrote: »

As they currently are in two different countries that isn't a given though.

What I meant is that I would think that it's more likely to be the groom because he's deliberately trying to make it sound like it's from both of them.

Poetry

It never even occurred to me to ask my bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses, hair and accessories and we had great fun touring the shops picking bits and bobs they liked. I did pay for my own dress at my cousins wedding but I was the one who offered as it was a style I could wear again. Definitely not 'archaic'!

Jobseeeker

inklove wrote: »

It isn't sorted after all, I received a reply to my last message.

"We are sorry that you seem to be unhappy with things. The couple or their family paying for everything is rather an archaic tradition, it's now far more common for people to pay for their own clothes for the wedding. As you agreed to be part of our wedding we assumed you were ok with any expenses that it involved when you accepted our invitation to be a bridesmaid. If you were unhappy with the dress you should have really said something before it was ordered."

So it appears the original dress is still in play, I'm not really sure what's going on now.

So are there other expenses? Hair/makeup accessories? They havent made it clear.

BTW its not common at all for bms to pay for their own dress, never heard of it, my two sisters and I have each been bridesmaids several times over last few years and everything has been paid for

ajdj

I completely understand where the OP is coming from with this and I believe she is right to feel hard done by.

However, it sounds as if the bride has lost some control of her own wedding here. Being out of the country and having her OH and family taking over most of the planning can't be easy.

If it was me I'd email her and ask her to phone me when she can. Show some empathy to the situation but be firm on the fact that you hadn't budgeted for the dress and it now puts you in a difficult position. Ask her if you can start again, you would like to be her bridesmaid but having already budgeted for an expensive overnight stay and travel need to know what else is expected financially. Explain that you don't want it to affect your friendship but if you needing to find more money you will have to withdraw from bridesmaids duties and witness their day with the other guests.

If she's not reasonable after that then fire off an email to say you'll be no part of it and spend the money on a weekend away for yourself and a nice new dress to wear

*Louise*

Hi inklove, just wondered how things have been going - have you heard anything more over the weekend?

laughingcow81

I've paid for both my bridesmaid's dresses - I never dreamed of asking them to pay! One offered and seemed surprised when I said I would pay for it all. After all, it's my wedding and I am imposing a dress on them...

sharnad

I am only having one young bridesmaid but I am paying for her hair dress tiara shrug shoes. I wouldnt expect bridesmaid to pay for their own. I choose a hotel that was cheaper to stay at so that people who have to travel dont have to spend so much. You have spent a lot already I would say no to being a bridesmaid

Panda_Barney

We are paying for our bridesmaid dresses as one of them said that if she had to pay for her own then she wouldn't be able to be a bridesmaid although the other two were happy to contribute so it forced our hand really and we ended up paying for all three.