Weddings - evening invite

fluffnutter

daisiegg wrote: »

To be fair, none of us could know if any of our guests have anonymously moaned about our weddings online

I do. I know my guests.

System

daisiegg wrote: »

To be fair, none of us could know if any of our guests have anonymously moaned about our weddings online

I've sent the threads link to them as evidence that people think it's not rude for me to duck out of the wedding ceremony

poet123

fluffnutter wrote: »

I do. I know my guests.

Clearly, it suited you but I could imagine people saying/thinking it was a short event and not the norm. And norms come about because that is what many people like/prefer, so it is entirely possible that your arrangements wouldn't have met with universal approval.

I am sure they wouldn't have expressed those sentiments to you though.;)

thorsoak

Whooo! I had absolutely no idea that manners have changed so much over the past 25 years - let alone 50 years!


We had a wedding announcement in the paper, on the Friday before with the "all friends are welcome at the church at 12 noon" etc etc - and actually 50 years ago, it was the norm for the bride and groom to leave to go on honeymoon after the wedding breakfast, leaving families and friends to split into the various "clans" and carry on celebrating as they wanted. The first time we went to a wedding that went on into an evening reception was when we were invited to the "evening only" do in the east end of London - and paid into the bucket passed round for drinks!

When our daughter married, nearly 25 years ago, we had various people who wanted to know which church they were being married in, at what time, etc etc - and they attended the church. The evening reception included lots of their work friends and cousins' cousins etc. The venue could accommodate a larger number in the evening at a buffet-style reception, whilst the afternoon "sit down" could obviously only accommodate less.

Who had most fun? Who's counting? The elderly aunties who were thrilled to see a great niece married, and to meet up with nephews and nieces not seen since the last funeral - or the friends who whooped it up through the evening? They all enjoyed it in their own way - and who is to say which was most correct?

Personally, I loved the fact that old neighbours turned out to see "little maggie getting wed" - and the "ooh - good luck, luvvie - he looks a smashing chap" comments!

Gloomendoom

fluffnutter wrote: »

This is exactly why we chose to get married very late and there was no 'you're part of the select group but you're only invited to the evening do with a crap buffet and ancient DJ'.

Nope, married at 6pm with all guests transported straight from church to restaurant. None of that standing around for ages watching some bloke take endless dull photos either.

We married earlier but just invited everybody to everything. It's a lot easier that way.

We were in a similar situation to the OP last November. We went to the ceremony but skipped the evening do.

notanewuser

bagpussbear wrote: »

Why is there 7 hours between ceremony and evening do?

Wedding at 12 noon, party at 7pm??

notanewuser

Person_one wrote: »

Even for people who are married, engaged, or living with a partner?

We had a rule. If we'd never met them they could come to the evening do, but we weren't paying £50+ per head feeding strangers!!

daisiegg

fluffnutter wrote: »

I do. I know my guests.

Wow, so well that you know absolutely everything they ever do online? Creepy!

bylromarha

Oh well, thanks guys, just discovered I was "rude" when I got married 14 years ago.

I was at uni and we couldn't afford to invite loads of friends to the formal afternoon - we filled most seats with family and very close friends. But we wanted many more people to celebrate with us and they wanted to join us on our happy day as we had a much wider circle of friends than we could invite to the afternoon, so we had 60 at the afternoon and another 70 to the evening.

60% of guests had to travel 100+miles to share our day with us and I lost count of the amount of evening only guests who told us in the evening what a wonderful day they'd had between the service and the evening party exploring the town and having a wonderful day in the sunshine with friends.

OP - go to what you want to go to and what works for you. The bride and groom will be happiest knowing that you're there sharing their special day with them.

Soleil_lune

Well I have to admit, I have never heard of all and sundry going to a wedding at Church. I am familiar only with people invited to the wedding turning up. Why would people go if not invited? I know the Church is a 'public' place, but I wouldn't dream of going to a Church wedding that I had not been invited to. How odd.

Re: the OP. I would also be offended at what this person has done... Why have they not invited you to everything? Have to say also that I think wedding, reception, night-do. Jeeeez, what a load of fuss and expense. Why so much? What a long, boring day. (Would be for me anyway!)

When we got married nearly 20 years ago, we had the wedding with very close friends and immediate family, (about 30-35 people,) and they ALL came to the reception, which was in a local pub at a tenner a head (was 20 years ago though, so may be £20-£25 a head now.)

If it were me, I would not go to either one. If I had to pick one, it would be the night-do. Most Church weddings are pretty boring.