Weddings - evening invite

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

Most of my peers, if they've had any help from parents at all, its been for a house deposit rather than a wedding.

Yes, having had only sons we have contributed to a house deposit for the eldest two, and will do for the other two. If a wedding hoved into view, we would definitely contribute, but perhaps not to the the same extent as we would have done had we not already made a substantial contribution.

claire16c

anotheruser wrote: »

Okay then, solve this:

We have lots of friends and a large family. At the wedding breakfast we can have a max of 40 people. Our families make up the 40 people easily.

The evening reception can cater for 100 people. We have 50 friends we would like to invite.

Putting your logic in to practice, we can invite people to the church or evening but not both.

OP: If you don't want to celebrate their marriage at the church, then don't go. I have been invited to the marriage and evening reception many times and I don't feel left out. In fact, I feel good that I have been invited at all!

Either get married somewhere you can have a wedding breakfast for 90.

Or do what you are doing now, but dont expect the people going to the evening do to go to the ceremony bit.

I think its odd to tell someone they can come to one bit, then they have to go away and then come back!

anotheruser

Person_one wrote: »

I don't understand the issue, surely you will invite your 40 family members to the whole lot, and your 50 friends to just evening bit? They can pop along to the church if it's convenient for them and they want to.

Exactly, but in stead of "pop along" they will get a bit more of an official invite to let them know where and when it is.
belfastgirl23 suggests it is rude to invite people to the church and evening reception only.

claire16c wrote: »

Either get married somewhere you can have a wedding breakfast for 90.

And blow our budget up? I don't think so. Some people can't afford 90 at a wedding breakfast and how busy would that be?!
Plus, where we're having our wedding breakfast has significant family ties therefore changing the reception isn't acceptable as it's where we want it to be.

claire16c wrote: »

Or do what you are doing now, but dont expect the people going to the evening do to go to the ceremony bit.

I won't expect anyone to come to any of it, but generally a lot of our friends will want to witness our marriage and then celebrate with us in the evening.

claire16c wrote: »

I think its odd to tell someone they can come to one bit, then they have to go away and then come back!

Why is that odd though?
Are you (not just you personally) telling me you don't have anyone who you would want to see you get married and have a bit of a party with?
Work colleagues is a good one. They're not quite good enough for me to invite to the wedding breakfast but will definitely want to see me get married and celebrate in the evening. Our neighbours are another good example.

We would invite more to the wedding breakfast but that only increases the cost for us, which we simply can't afford. I just can't understand why some people would think it rude?

I've been to plenty of wedding ceremonies and evening receptions but didn't go to the wedding breakfast. I don't know the people that well but enough to be considered for some of it. The bride and groom being rude never crossed my mind.

As married people (should) know, you can't please everyone and will offend someone.

Abbafan1972

I would just go to the evening bit to be honest.

We went to a wedding a few years back, but we were only invited to the ceremony (along with a few others as well). But the bride had been through a traumatic few years, it had been in all the local papers and they were there again to document the happy event, so I think we were just there to make the numbers up!

Person_one

anotheruser wrote: »

Exactly, but in stead of "pop along" they will get a bit more of an official invite to let them know where and when it is.
belfastgirl23 suggests it is rude to invite people to the church and evening reception only.

Well, its not ideal.

I know you mean well, but giving then an actual official invite means they have to commit one way or the other weeks in advance.

It puts them in a slightly awkward position.

If they say yes, and the service is at 12, or 1 then that's a chunk right in the middle of their day that might mean they can't get much else done, especially if there's travel involved. They need to get dressed up, then down, then up again, and there is definitely a message that once they've been your audience, they're dismissed for the expensive bit and allowed back for the cheaper bit!

If they say no, because its at an awkward time, or they want to do something else with their day and an hour in the middle would ruin that, they'll worry that they'll upset or offend you and might feel that they need to have a really good excuse.

If you just leave it really casual, let them know when and where but don't make it an actual, official invitation, there's no pressure anywhere and no expectations/worries on either side.

Georgiegirl256

anotheruser, you say "why is that odd?", well just speaking from my own personal experience, it isn't the norm, put it that way.

If some people choose to go along to the church/registry office to see the bride and groom, that choice is theirs, and that's perfectly fine, nothing wrong with that at all. But to be 'officially' invited to the wedding, but then to be told "sorry you're not 'good enough' to be invited to the wedding breakfast, but hey, you can come to the evening do! There's nothing wrong with just being invited to the evening do, it's perfectly understandable as some wedding budgets can't stretch to having everyone there all day, but to be invited to the beginning and end of the celebrations....What are they meant to do to fill in time in the middle of them?

What's a person to do in the hours from the ceremony to the evening do? Do you not consider it odd that someone's going to be sitting around all day in their finery? Especially if they don't live close by.

You also say "I just can't understand why some people would think it rude?" Well your statement about your work colleagues and neighbours above, just about sums it up...."they're not quite good enough". Need I say anymore?

anotheruser

Perhaps I am biased as the reception we're at is less than 3 miles from where many of the evening people live. In between they can go home, carry on with their day tasks and then come out in something fresh for the evening.
But then our guests won't be seeing our wedding as an inconvenience of their day.

I suspect the Evening Guest invites will simply say we're getting married here on this date. Please join us for an evening celebration here at this time.
There will be no stipulation to attend both.

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

You also say "I just can't understand why some people would think it rude?" Well your statement about your work colleagues and neighbours above, just about sums it up...."they're not quite good enough". Need I say anymore?

Perhaps not the best words to use. My work colleagues aren't close enough friends.

Having thought about it:
Friends who live far away wouldn't be invited at all as that would put them in an awkward position. Perhaps I just assumed people wouldn't be silly enough to invite "not-close friends" who live far away. If they are close friends, then surely they would be at the wedding breakfast anyway?

claire16c

anotheruser wrote: »

Exactly, but in stead of "pop along" they will get a bit more of an official invite to let them know where and when it is.
belfastgirl23 suggests it is rude to invite people to the church and evening reception only.

And blow our budget up? I don't think so. Some people can't afford 90 at a wedding breakfast and how busy would that be?!
Plus, where we're having our wedding breakfast has significant family ties therefore changing the reception isn't acceptable as it's where we want it to be.



I won't expect anyone to come to any of it, but generally a lot of our friends will want to witness our marriage and then celebrate with us in the evening.



Why is that odd though?
Are you (not just you personally) telling me you don't have anyone who you would want to see you get married and have a bit of a party with?
Work colleagues is a good one. They're not quite good enough for me to invite to the wedding breakfast but will definitely want to see me get married and celebrate in the evening. Our neighbours are another good example.

We would invite more to the wedding breakfast but that only increases the cost for us, which we simply can't afford. I just can't understand why some people would think it rude?

I've been to plenty of wedding ceremonies and evening receptions but didn't go to the wedding breakfast. I don't know the people that well but enough to be considered for some of it. The bride and groom being rude never crossed my mind.

As married people (should) know, you can't please everyone and will offend someone.

I agree you will always offend someone but I think that you either invite someone to it or you don't. Telling them to come and go makes it pretty clear you weren't prepared to spend money on them eating.

I'd just invite them to the evening do. We went to an evening do the other weekend, my husbands work colleague. I had no interest in watching the ceremony and it would have been a bit of a pain if we'd had to have driven there then gone home, got changed done mundane stuff like food shopping etc and then having to get dressed up all over again and drive back! If they'd invited us to that part I would have felt like we would have had to have gone, so probably would have made an excuse. Or we would have gone but then not bothered with the evening do.

As for work colleagues, in many jobs your colleagues will come from all over the place so it's even more likely they won't want or be able to come to 2 separate parts.

Georgiegirl256

anotheruser wrote: »

Perhaps I am biased as the reception we're at is less than 3 miles from where many of the evening people live. In between they can go home, carry on with their day tasks and then come out in something fresh for the evening.
But then our guests won't be seeing our wedding as an inconvenience of their day. It's only one day after all!

I suspect the Evening Guest invites will simply say we're getting married here on this date. Please join us for an evening celebration here at this time.
There will be no stipulation to attend both.


Perhaps not the best words to use. My work colleagues aren't close enough friends.


I guess I just find it so out-of-this-world strange that some of the replies to this thread appear to have taken such great offence to not being invited to the wedding breakfast.

The problem comes from being 'officially' invited to the church etc, but not the wedding breakfast, but then the evening do. If it's left at an evening invitation only (for those not invited to the wedding breakfast), then the choice on wether to attend the service is then down to them. It's definitely not the norm, but it's your wedding, and it's what you and your partner wants that's important at the end of the day I guess.

lostinrates

anotheruser wrote: »

Perhaps I am biased as the reception we're at is less than 3 miles from where many of the evening people live. In between they can go home, carry on with their day tasks and then come out in something fresh for the evening.
But then our guests won't be seeing our wedding as an inconvenience of their day.

I suspect the Evening Guest invites will simply say we're getting married here on this date. Please join us for an evening celebration here at this time.
There will be no stipulation to attend both.


Perhaps not the best words to use. My work colleagues aren't close enough friends.

Having thought about it:
Friends who live far away wouldn't be invited at all as that would put them in an awkward position. Perhaps I just assumed people wouldn't be silly enough to invite "not-close friends" who live far away. If they are close friends, then surely they would be at the wedding breakfast anyway?

Honestly? There are incredibly few people DH or I have worked with we feel close enough to go to their wedding if they invited us!

Your wedding is one day for you, but we get several wedding invitations each year. ( we go to very, very few, but people are kind enough to invite us which is lovely of them) Evenings only are fine, no offence at not being invited to the breakfast, but yes, slightly amusing at the 'introspection' of a bride who in toes people to something with a huge gap.

People know they can go to a church if they want to, they don't need to be told. But that you would seem to be inviting me to both would make me wonder if you were going a little (excuse the phrase I dislike it, ) 'bridezilla'. Even going three miles away for a ceremony eats into a day, and I'd probably choose that OR the evening.