Weddings - evening invite

Torry_Quine

FBaby wrote: »

I think it is very much an age thing. Being in my 40s, I have both friends getting married at that same age, and friends seeing their children getting married. None of my friends who married after 30 whose wedding was paid by their parents, but almost all those whose children are getting married are either paying everything or big chunk of it.

What young couple probably don't fully appreciate though is that it IS a big strain on their parents. All those I speak to tell me of some level of anxiety about raising the expected fund. Interestingly too, it would seem these weddings always come about to be much more expensive than the ones chosen by those marrying later in life and paying for it themselves.

We were married in our twenties and paid for it ourselves from our normal savings. The invitations were sent from us, it would have seemed strange otherwise! Everything paid before the wedding.

claire16c

Person_one wrote: »

That's been the format for most weddings I've been to as well, with a few exceptions for smaller ones. Service, then formal day reception for closer friends and family, then less formal evening reception with some added guests.

I have to say though, I like the American tradition of having the ceremony later in the evening and everybody getting straight in to the reception.

The American weddings I've watched on that 4 weddings show, have had the same format it's just that they have a cocktail hour whilst the photos are being done, before the meal. Then the evening reception.

We did this at our wedding in the US because it meant the guests had plenty of food & drink to have whilst we were getting our photos done.

At one wedding I went to here there was about a 2 hour gap with only champagne, I got a really bad headache as I was starving & thirsty as there was also the time of getting to the wedding and the ceremony, driving to the reception, waiting for the 2 hours approx then sitting down waiting for food. So at a wedding last summer we went to, some of the men stopped at the petrol station on the way to the reception venue as they were sick of being hungry at weddings and all bought sandwiches!

jaylee3

FBaby wrote: »

I think it is very much an age thing. Being in my 40s, I have both friends getting married at that same age, and friends seeing their children getting married. None of my friends who married after 30 whose wedding was paid by their parents, but almost all those whose children are getting married are either paying everything or big chunk of it.

What young couple probably don't fully appreciate though is that it IS a big strain on their parents. All those I speak to tell me of some level of anxiety about raising the expected fund. Interestingly too, it would seem these weddings always come about to be much more expensive than the ones chosen by those marrying later in life and paying for it themselves.

Agree fully with this post. There is a tremendous amount of pressure on parents to pay for things for their offspring. And these days, it's just not possible. My friend has two daughters, and she is dreading the day they get married, as she will plain and simple not be able to pay for their weddings. Like the majority of folk, she has not a scrap of surplus cash.

uppy21

I think that missing the church part isn't a bad thing, or vice versa. I dont think that someone can be expected to attend church, then attend the reception all those hours later. Especially if you have young chidren x

System

jaylee3 wrote: »

Agree fully with this post. There is a tremendous amount of pressure on parents to pay for things for their offspring. And these days, it's just not possible. My friend has two daughters, and she is dreading the day they get married, as she will plain and simple not be able to pay for their weddings. Like the majority of folk, she has not a scrap of surplus cash.

I'm one of 4 (3 daughters :eek:)

And I can't imagine if we get married my parents paying for it. They like to try and treat us all equally so if they paid for one of us they'd feel they had to pay for all 3! I certainly wouldn't expect them to pay, if I do ever get hitched it would be paid for by me and partner.

thorsoak

My parents had 4 daughters (3 of us in under 4 years) and, of course, in the 1960s, we did almost what was expected of us - and 3 of us married within 3 years! My father accepted - reluctantly - contributions from in-laws and my sisters and I all paid for our own wedding dresses, bridesmaids dresses, flowers etc - and of course we all paid for our own honeymoons etc. He felt that it was his "duty" to pay for our weddings - and said he'd started saving for our weddings from the payday after we were born! Youngest daughter (9 years younger than me) didn't marry until her 30s - and her wedding was far grander than ours had been - and he did accept that they would pay for their own wedding - and he paid for her wedding dress (but he let slip some time later that that cost more than my wedding had done :-D) . Mum & Pop were more concerned that we should be able to start our married lives in our homes, and thought that our savings should go to in that direction.

Person_one

Most of my peers, if they've had any help from parents at all, its been for a house deposit rather than a wedding.

anotheruser

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I think it's bad form inviting you to the church and the evening do and not the reception.

Okay then, solve this:

We have lots of friends and a large family. At the wedding breakfast we can have a max of 40 people. Our families make up the 40 people easily.

The evening reception can cater for 100 people. We have 50 friends we would like to invite.

Putting your logic in to practice, we can invite people to the church or evening but not both.



OP: If you don't want to celebrate their marriage at the church, then don't go. I have been invited to the marriage and evening reception many times and I don't feel left out. In fact, I feel good that I have been invited at all!

Person_one

anotheruser wrote: »

Okay then, solve this:

We have lots of friends and a large family. At the wedding breakfast we can have a max of 40 people. Our families make up the 40 people easily.

The evening reception can cater for 100 people. We have 50 friends we would like to invite.

Putting your logic in to practice, we can invite people to the church or evening but not both.



OP: If you don't want to celebrate their marriage at the church, then don't go. I have been invited to the marriage and evening reception many times and I don't feel left out. In fact, I feel good that I have been invited at all!

I don't understand the issue, surely you will invite your 40 family members to the whole lot, and your 50 friends to just evening bit? They can pop along to the church if it's convenient for them and they want to.

Buzzybee90

Person_one wrote: »

Most of my peers, if they've had any help from parents at all, its been for a house deposit rather than a wedding.

My parents were lucky enough to never have a mortgage. They paid for some of their wedding but not all, it was a small affair though. I was given a trust fund type amount (as many children are) when I was younger so I've got that saved to help towards deposit/wedding!