Weddings - evening invite

duchy

I have several friends who are LDS (Mormon). My American friends find our laws really odd as their religion dictates that their Temple is sacred and only people with certain standing (eg accepted as "devout") can enter so if a couple want a Temple wedding (which seals them together for eternity rather than just til death) only friends and family who meet that criteria can attend. Those who belong to the same church over here have to have a civil ceremony as well because English law doesn't regard their Temple marriage as legal because it isn't "open to all". I believe there's other religions where the same applies....I seem to remember an Indian friend getting married at a registry office one week and the traditional Indian wedding a week later.

A lot of celebrities get married abroad because of the privacy/security aspect here. I suppose if you want a private ceremony the only way to do it is have a registry office wedding that no-one knows about and a faux "big" wedding as if it is a blessing rather than a wedding it *can* be private ?

When I lived in Surrey there was an old lady who used to pop down to the local church on Saturdays with her friends to watch the bride come out . They didn't know any of them -just enjoyed watching. They were there when I got married -it was rather nice to have strangers wish me well as well as friends and family.

Georgiegirl256

duchy wrote: »

If you've known them twenty years presumably you've met them though so you wouldn't be paying for a meal for someone you've never met.

I'm not sure why anyone who considers marriage irrelevant would WANT an invitation to celebrate something they personally don't agree with though (unless they just want a free night out)

Frankly if you want society to recognise your relationship -then get married. If you chose not to marry then don't get huffy when some people think it isn't as important. That's the message many people get when a couple just live together-and I think it is especially true when so many people now have serial live in relationships (even if you've lived together for twenty years people are going to lump you in with the couple shacked up for a few months and then moving on as you are both" just" living together and have chosen not to make any outward public commitment). It may not be what your relationship is about but that is how people will regard it consciously or unconsciously.

I don't know if you've misunderstood my post or not, but I AM married. I just find it ridiculous and snobby that some people who are married look down on people who are not, and that they feel that their relationship is better than theirs, and that it is more committed. Well, IMO it is not, I don't think my relationship has more meaning than my friends who are not married, I think they are as dedicated to their OH's as I am to my husband. They love their OH's as much as I love my husband, I don't automatically love him more just because I am married to him.

No wonder so many people nowadays are made to feel inadequate in their relationships and have pressure put on them to marry. No wonder people feel they've got to have the biggest and best wedding ever, no matter that it gets some people into debt.

Even though I chose to marry, i am abit of a contradiction when it comes to weddings. I chose to marry because that was my choice, but I can also see how some people think it is an outdated institution. I of course intend to honour my vows, or else I wouldn't have stood there and said them, but at the same time I can understand why people think it is 'just a few words and a piece of paper'. They are other peoples words not mine, but I can totally see where they are coming from. Personally I like being married and being a wife, but for a long time, it really didn't bother me, so that's why I can see both sides.

People who choose not to marry for whatever reason, shouldn't be made to feel that their relationship is any less, and people who look down on them and think their relationship is not important IMO are just pure snobs. Yes, I have more legal rights than my friends who aren't married, but that's about it really. Apart from in the eyes of some people, my relationship now counts as serious, where as it didn't before....wow!

poet123

The stats show that those who live together are many times more likely to split up than those who are married. So that it is less of a commitment in many cases is factual not opinion. Obviously, we will all know individuals who are the exceptions, but that does not negate the stats.

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

The stats show that those who live together are many times more likely to split up than those who are married. So that it is less of a commitment in many cases is factual not opinion. Obviously, we will all know individuals who are the exceptions, but that does not negate the stats.

The problem with the stats is that they don't provide any information about intention.

People getting married obviously intend to stay together for the rest of their lives, even though for around 45% of them that doesn't happen!

Tons of people who move in together without getting married aren't at that stage yet, co-habitation is a trial, a 'dry run', a step towards permanence but not yet an agreement to be permanent and they are completely accepting of the possibility that they may separate if it turns out it isn't right.

If you could compare the stats between marriage and people who have decided not to marry but intend and plan to be together for the rest of their lives, then you'd have a clearer picture.

Gloomendoom

duchy wrote: »

I believe there's other religions where the same applies....I seem to remember an Indian friend getting married at a registry office one week and the traditional Indian wedding a week later.

My sister-in-law did it the other way round. There was a period of several months where she was married, but not legally. A status that some say can't exist... but clearly does.

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

The problem with the stats is that they don't provide any information about intention.

People getting married obviously intend to stay together for the rest of their lives, even though for around 45% of them that doesn't happen!

Tons of people who move in together without getting married aren't at that stage yet, co-habitation is a trial, a 'dry run', a step towards permanence but not yet an agreement to be permanent and they are completely accepting of the possibility that they may separate if it turns out it isn't right.

If you could compare the stats between marriage and people who have decided not to marry but intend and plan to be together for the rest of their lives, then you'd have a clearer picture.

Exactly, which is why some people see marriage as so much more of a commitment because the intent is clear to all.

Person_one

poet123 wrote: »

Exactly, which is why some people see marriage as so much more of a commitment because the intent is clear to all.

If a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it, does it make a sound?

DigForVictory

OP, I think you should watch the couple come out in yiour football gear, just to tease the groom... Then enjoy the evening do.

Me, I got married, had "breakfast", blushed through the speeches & we then legged it. My extended family went onto their own kneesups, and the photos show them having a ball! (Indeed one small cousin now regards an evening do as a missed opportunity to bask in the attention of senior relatives!)

poet123

Person_one wrote: »

If a tree falls in the woods and nobody hears it, does it make a sound?

Does God exist if you don't personally believe?;)

pukkamum

Cotta wrote: »

I think it's poor form, regardless of your budget.

I think given we are on a moneysaving site it would have been poor form to spend money I didn't have getting into debt feeding friends who were just happy to see me get wed.

My wedding was about my husband and, I couldn't have cared less if we were the only people at the ceremony, my friends knew how tight our budget was.
In fact many expressed relief at not having to sit through speeches etc and said it was the best wedding they'd been too, especially the evening buffet of pastie and peas.